Christmas songs

[Master Bates]

To the tune of 'Winter Wonderland'

Lacy things -- the wife is missin',
Didn't ask -- her permission,
I'm wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the store -- there's a teddy,
Little straps -- like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

In the office there's a guy named Melvin,
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.

He'll say, "Are you ready?" I'll say,"Whoa, Man!"
"Let's wait until our wives are out of town!"

Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress -- like Madonna,
Put on some eyeshade,
And join the parade,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

Lacy things... missin',
Didn't ask... permission,
Wearin' her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear.

Walkin' 'round in women's underwear,
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear!

[dubai_phil]

I worry about you Bates, I really do

[SNSUN]

I am currently wearing an item of my girlfriends clothing.

Socks.

[badgerx16]

Rudolph the Brown Nose Reindeer
Bottom of his reindeer class
Wanted to be sleigh leader
So he started kissing Santa's ass

All of the other reindeer
Really learned to hate his gut
Every time they saw Santa
Rudolph's nose was up his butt

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Blitzen had had enough
Took Rudolph out behind the shed
And got the elves to beat him up

Oh, how the reindeer loved it
As Rudolph screamed out in pain
Rudolph the brown-nose reindeer
He'll never kiss a butt again.

[mack rill]

To the choon of A lot like Christmas,

Its beginning to look a lot like syphilis,
All around my nose,
I picked him up in a bar gate den,
He but ****ed me once and then
He lodged a candy Kaine up my asshole,

Its beginning to look allot like syphilis
Boy is my ares sore
But the prettiest sight to see,
Is his pecker to his Knees,
When I'm on all fours,

A pair of buffalo boots, And a pistol that shoots
Is much to much to ignore,
Fist well go walking then well start talking,
But i hope he will want do more.

And mum and dad can hardly Waite for me to go and **** a whore,
Eeeeeeeeeeeer,

Its beginning to look a lot like syphilis,
But i still like boys more,
But the ugliest sight to see,
Is the canker that will be,
Round my Owen back door,

[saint_stevo]

i like to wear frenchies. Rule 1 anyone?

[Master Bates]

Frosty the pervert
in a trench coat he did go
to a the school yard to expose his d*ck and balls made of snow

frosty the pervert
all the kids he liked to watch
his d*ck did grow when he packed snow
on his cold and icy crotch

there must have must have been some magic
when he stroked his frozen meat
cause frosty started moaning loud
and it began to sleet

frosty the pervert
was as glad as he could get
he threw away his corn cob pipe
and lit a ciggerette

frosty the pervert
didnt want to go to jail
he began to run
while dripping cum
and the cops picked up his trail

down to the village
his d*ck melting in his hand
running here and there
all around the square
yelling "catch me if you can."

they chased him down the streets of town
right to a ?? squad cop
who shoved a night stick right up his ass
and frosty screamed "dont stop OOOO!!"

frosty the pervert
was locked up that very day
but he did not cry
as he waved good bye knowing he'd be back someday

beating his meat
all over the streets
look at frosty go

sliding his hands
all over his glands
his cum, as white as snow


(To The Tune Of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

Oh you better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm tellin' you why;

Daddy's home and I think he's drunk.

He's walkin' real slow,
He slurs when he speaks,
I don't even think
He’s shaved in two weeks,

Daddy's home and boy is he drunk.

He spent most of our money
On Johnny Walker Black
And then he took all of the rest
And lost it at the track.

Sooo.... You better not pout,
You better not cry,
I don't like that look in his eye,
Daddy's home and I think he's...
Daddy's home and boy is he...

Daddy's home and he's really drunk!


(To The Tune "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the snow in my rusty Chevrolet.
Down the road I go, sliding all the way.
I need new piston rings. I need some new snow tires.
My car is held together by a piece of chicken wire!

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

I went to IGA to get some Christmas cheer.
I just passed up my left front tire and it's gettin' hard to steer.
Speeding down the highway, right past the county cops.
I have to drag my swampers just to get the car to stop.

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rusty Chevrolet!

Bouncing through the snowdrifts in a big, blue cloud of smoke.
People laugh as I drive by; I wonder what's the joke!
I have to get to Wal-Mart to pick up my layaway,
Cause Santa's comin' soon in his big, old, rusty sleigh!

Chorus
Oh, rust and smoke, the heater's broke, the door just blew away.
I light a match to see the dash and then I start to pray-ay.
The frame is bent, the muffler went, the radio's okay.
Oh, what fun it is to drive this rus-ty Chev-ro-let!



On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My drive through gave to me:
Twelve bags of Pepto,
Eleven pounds of blubber,
Ten baked potatoes,
Nine polish hot dogs,
Eight bowls of chili,
Seven pints of cole slaw,
Six chocolate milkshakes,
Five onion rings,
Four Egg McMuffins,
Three Biggie Fries,
Two Happy Meals,
and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese.

[scott_saints]

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is turning black for me.
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Get outta my head cuz I don't need this
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

[Master Bates]

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is turning black for me.
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Get outta my head cuz I don't need this
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...


F**king class song, haven't heard it in ages.

[Crouchie's Lawyer]

To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine:

DREAMING OF A SCOUSE CHRISTMAS....

Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,

It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV

Christmas time, píssups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting píssed - on someone else's beer

Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS

Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough

So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city

You may just know why - the streets look ****ty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals

But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels

[Master Bates]

Christmas time, valium and wine,
Kids indulging in petty crime,
Dad's on the crack and mum's off her tree,
Christmas is great when you come from Pompey.

[saint_stevo]

christmas songs make me wanna visit beechy head

[badgerx16]

And not forgetting the very seasonal lines...
"You're a bum, you're a drunk, you're an old slut on junk,
Lying there almost dead, on a drip in that bed"
"You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot,
happy Christmas,- your arse,
I pray God it's our last".

Cheery stuff

[mack rill]

silent fart! holy fart!
Remain calm release your bomb,
Round the kitchen up from your chair,
Little atoms of poop in the air,
See the cloud slowly creeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeep,
Watch all your friends breath in deeeeeeeeeeeeeep