There's a big snake in my garden

[Dog]

What shall I do? It has my chicken in a WWF headlock.

[trousers]

Set the monkey onto it

[Colinjb]

Mongoose, you need a Mongoose.

[Turkish]

Mongoose, you need a Mongoose.

FFS Colin, they're call Special Needs Goose these days.

[scotty]

FFS Colin, they're call Special Needs Goose these days.

[Colinjb]

FFS Colin, they're call Special Needs Goose these days.

Sharper then your winklepickers, not bad.

[Dog]

Skateboard chicken dead!

[scotty]

I'm sure the whole of Saints Web Forum would wish to offer our sincere condolences on your sad loss.








ps, did you boil her or roast her?

[Saint J 77]

Skateboard chicken dead!

Looks like it could be a Smooth Snake

http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/life/Coronella_austriaca

[buctootim]

Thats a grass snake dog, they usually eat frogs and newts. Was the chicken swimming at the time?

[Dog]

I know it's a ferkin grass snake, that is what makes it strange. A chicken killing grass snake, which smelt of fish & dog sh!t. And it was 2" in diameter which is a biggy.

[trousers]

http://www.dinnertool.com/recipe/shr...and-snake-soup

Shredded Chicken and Snake Soup Recipe

Ingredients
1 chicken, 2-1/2 to 3 lb.
12 Oz. frozen snake fillet
1 piece of -/2 inch of fresh ginger, peeled
8 Dried black mushrooms (soaked)
2 Strips tangerine peel
1 Oz. dried black fungus (soaked and cooked)
2 Oz. ginger, peeled and shredded
8 Oz. fish maw
2 Tbsp sesame oil
1 piece of Inch ginger, peeled
4 Spring onions, minced
2 Tbsp Shaoxing wine
1 piece of Inch of ginger peeled
10 C. chicken broth
10 C. snake broth
2 Tbsp light soy sauce
1 Tbsp dark soy sauce
2 Tsp sugar
1 Tsp white pepper
8 Tbsp water chestnut powder
3/4 C. water
4 Fresh lemon leaves
1 Oz. parsley

Preparation Instructions
Defrost the snake fillet and plunge into 3 cups of boiling water for 10 minutes with 1-1/2 inch piece of ginger. Drain. Then cook in 8 - 10 cups of water for 1-1/2 hours. Drain and retain 4 - 5 cups of water for later use. Shred the fillet finely. Boil the chicken in 10 cups of water with the other piece of ginger. Cook for 2-1/2 hours. Reserve broth. Debone and shred the chicken.
Cut mushrooms, tangerine peel, and black fungus into slivers. Cook shredded ginger in 1 cup of boiling water, drain and run under cold water.
Heat the sesame oil in a small, heavy saucepan. Add another 1 inch piece of ginger, minced spring onions, Shaoxing wine, and 2 cups of water. Add the fish maw and cook for 15 minutes. Shred the fish maw.
Discard liquid.
Put the snake and chicken broth together, totaling 10 cups, in a stockpot and heat. Add all the shredded ingredients and the seasoning and simmer, in a small bowl, stir the water chestnut powder into 3/4 cup water until dissolved and then stir into the soup. Add parsley

It's what she would have wanted....

[Dog]

There's a big snake in my...
trousers


Lol

[Dark Munster]

These apparently hang out in the canyon behind my house.



Haven't see any yet, just lots of bloody rabbits.

Obviously the snakes aren't doing their job properly.

[RonManager]

These apparently hang out in the canyon behind my house.



Haven't see any yet, just lots of bloody rabbits.

Obviously the snakes aren't doing their job properly.

These hang out in the field behind my house.



As with your canyon, there are lots of bloody rabbits.

Obviously the sheep aren't doing their job properly.

[scotty]

I detect a little snakeism creeping onto this thread.

Rule 1.

[saint_in_munich]

I had a rattlesnake in my garden last week and a 5' cotton mouth on the front patio last year!! Get a gun!!

[saintbletch]

Snakes!

We've got friends that live in northern France and a few weeks back we went over to attend their wedding. It was a baking hot day but very, very windy. I had to take the bride to get her hair done and therefore found myself with time to kill. I decided to pay a visit to the Roman monument in the centre of their tiny village. It used to be a Roman washhouse and is in a sunken field about the size of a football pitch surrounded by trees about 20 feet below the main road in the village.

I soon found myself in need of a p*** and after checking that there was nobody around I went to the corner of the field under some tall trees that were growing out of a 45 degree bank that stretched away from me. The bank was covered in a tarpaulin/plastic presumably to stop weeds from growing. It was dark under the trees but with the wind blowing the canopy above, sunlight was being let in and then shut out like a strobe light. It was really disorientating but I was getting desperate having been on the beer the night before.

Anyway, I'd just started my business when I noticed frenzied activity at my feet. At that point the wind picked up and the movement in the undergrowth disturbed the dust and leaves on the tarpaulin which sent dust into the air and my face suspended on the wind. With the sunlight flashing like a strobe and getting covered in dust and pollen I look down to see a black and gold snake at least 10 ft long (OK it was probably nearer 4 feet - probably 3 actually), presumably covered in my p***, struggling to get up the sloping bank and away from me and my golden shower.

But it couldn't gain purchase on the smooth tarpaulin and kept sliding back down the bank towards me. P***ing was no longer my top priority so I stopped and stowed and stepped back at which point it occurred to me that there might be more around me. So I stood still, not wanting to move. Panic then subsided as I realised that the snake was more desperate to get away form me than I was him - although it was a close thing. I presume Adders (which I think is what it was) can't swim. I composed myself enough to try to get a picture of the beast but it had made it's way up the slope and under the tarpaulin so all I was left with as proof was p*** on my shorts and a photo of a patch of damp ground in northern France where once a snake had been.

[Special K]

I haven't ****ed over a snake before, but i did **** over a couple who were copping off once. And not in a dodgy euro flick type way, but i was at a house party in the country (Owslebury way i think) and went into the barn for a jimmy. It was pitch black and started having a slash when i realised there was a lot of movement and thrashing about. Scared the **** out of me to be honest, so similar in some ways to the story above.

[scotty]

I haven't ****ed over a snake before, but i did **** over a couple who were copping off once. And not in a dodgy euro flick type way, but i was at a house party in the country (Owslebury way i think) and went into the barn for a . It was pitch black and started having a when i realised there was a lot of movement and thrashing about. Scared the **** out of me to be honest, so similar in some ways to the story above.

edited a couple of details. this makes for an even better story

[Special K]

edited a couple of details. this makes for an even better story

****s me you must have been there!

[Lighthouse]

Was bitten by a snake once which refused to let go. Had to run the little b*stards head under a tap to get him off in the end.

[hamster]

I'm quoting for a garden clear up this week in a big house. They asked if I'm okay with snakes.....ffs, no I ain't but need the cash. If I suddenly stop posting you'll know I am deaded by a snake.

[SO16_Saint]

I'm quoting for a garden clear up this week in a big house. They asked if I'm okay with snakes.....ffs, no I ain't but need the cash. If I suddenly stop posting you'll know I am deaded by a snake.

You can see the headlines now 'snake kills hamster dead'

[scotty]

You can see the headlines now 'snake kills hamster dead'

Theres a richard gere/gerbil joke in there somewhere, but I cant be arsed to look for it...