At Your own funeral ?

**Saint in Paradise** · 12-07-2012, 05:37 AM

Been to a couple of funerals lately and will have another to go to within a few months.

Both the past two have had hundreds of people there and the next will also - I strongly suspect.
This made me wonder IF you lot have any thoughts on how many will attend yours.
Also will you be buried or cremated and what will you wear in your coffin?(This last question was
for Turkish as I know he likes to be well dressed at all times.

I shall have about 1 maybe 2 ( wife and ex boss ) plus the undertakers at my cremation and I
will have my Saints 2010 black away shirt on.

**Turkish** · 12-07-2012, 06:48 AM

I dont care about the funeral, as long as i get a proper send off on here. I want at least 16 threads started on the main board with 'RIP Turkish', 15 of them will of course be locked instantly with St Chalet pointing people to the main thread and infraction points given out to anyone who reopens another one. MLG will take the thread off topic with stats about why Southampton needs a bigger crematorium because the one in Liverpool is regularly full and people didn't bother going to my funeral because they thought they wouldn't get in it will also arguable that Turkish has more funeral goers than Ronnie Kray, depsite there being less people there. It will be because that were restricted by the size of the crematoirum and who knows how many will have gone if they thought they could all get in? I want a HCDAJFU thread on who can be the Pall bearer and a funeral build up thread which is full of utter drivel about things like what formation the pall bearers will take when carrying the coffin. I also want people to leave the funeral 5 minutes early to beat the traffic,well before the coffin goes down with others moaning about it on here to go with the moaning that the queues and quality of the refreshments were too long at the wake and no one could hear the vicar due to the crap PA system.

**PhilippineSaint** · 12-07-2012, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by Saint in Paradise

I shall have about 1 maybe 2 ( wife and ex boss ) plus the undertakers at my cremation and I
will have my Saints 2010 black away shirt on.

Is that ex boss the wife or an ex wife still the boss?? if I were you just go straight to the crem take the easy option do not pass go, do not collect 200 co-op vouchers and wear a Pompey shirt as it will burn better.

**dune** · 12-07-2012, 07:01 AM

Originally Posted by Turkish

I dont care about the funeral, as long as i get a proper send off on here. I want at least 16 threads started on the main board with 'RIP Turkish', 15 of them will of course be locked instantly with St Chalet pointing people to the main thread and infraction points given out to anyone who reopens another one. MLG will take the thread off topic with stats about why Southampton needs a bigger crematorium because the one in Liverpool is regularly full and people didn't bother going to my funeral because they thought they wouldn't get in it will also arguable that Turkish has more funeral goers than Ronnie Kray, depsite their being less people there it will be because that were restricted by the size of the crematoirum and who knows how many will have gone if they thought they could all get in? I want a HCDAJFU thread on who can be the Pall bearer and a funeral build up thread which is full of utter drivel about things like what formation the pall bearers will take when carrying the coffin. I also want people to leave the funeral 5 minutes early to beat the traffic,well before the coffin goes down with others moaning about it on here to go with the moaning that the queues and quality of the refreshments were too long and no one could hear the vicar due to the crap PA system.

**Sergei Gotsmanov** · 12-07-2012, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by Turkish

I dont care about the funeral, as long as i get a proper send off on here. I want at least 16 threads started on the main board with 'RIP Turkish', 15 of them will of course be locked instantly with St Chalet pointing people to the main thread and infraction points given out to anyone who reopens another one. MLG will take the thread off topic with stats about why Southampton needs a bigger crematorium because the one in Liverpool is regularly full and people didn't bother going to my funeral because they thought they wouldn't get in it will also arguable that Turkish has more funeral goers than Ronnie Kray, depsite their being less people there it will be because that were restricted by the size of the crematoirum and who knows how many will have gone if they thought they could all get in? I want a HCDAJFU thread on who can be the Pall bearer and a funeral build up thread which is full of utter drivel about things like what formation the pall bearers will take when carrying the coffin. I also want people to leave the funeral 5 minutes early to beat the traffic,well before the coffin goes down with others moaning about it on here to go with the moaning that the queues and quality of the refreshments were too long and no one could hear the vicar due to the crap PA system.

This amused me.

**pap** · 12-07-2012, 07:33 AM

Fairly sure my funeral will be well attended. Still have most of my mates from school, come from a big family and a good proportion of the delegation would turn up "to be sure"

**dune** · 12-07-2012, 07:43 AM

I'm gonna get Franks Cousin to write my Eulogy. Pay back time on all the relatives.

**alpine_saint** · 12-07-2012, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by Turkish

I dont care about the funeral, as long as i get a proper send off on here. I want at least 16 threads started on the main board with 'RIP Turkish', 15 of them will of course be locked instantly with St Chalet pointing people to the main thread and infraction points given out to anyone who reopens another one. MLG will take the thread off topic with stats about why Southampton needs a bigger crematorium because the one in Liverpool is regularly full and people didn't bother going to my funeral because they thought they wouldn't get in it will also arguable that Turkish has more funeral goers than Ronnie Kray, depsite there being less people there. It will be because that were restricted by the size of the crematoirum and who knows how many will have gone if they thought they could all get in? I want a HCDAJFU thread on who can be the Pall bearer and a funeral build up thread which is full of utter drivel about things like what formation the pall bearers will take when carrying the coffin. I also want people to leave the funeral 5 minutes early to beat the traffic,well before the coffin goes down with others moaning about it on here to go with the moaning that the queues and quality of the refreshments were too long at the wake and no one could hear the vicar due to the crap PA system.

Good effort

**AussieDog** · 12-07-2012, 08:10 AM

Originally Posted by Turkish

I dont care about the funeral, as long as i get a proper send off on here. I want at least 16 threads started on the main board with 'RIP Turkish', 15 of them will of course be locked instantly with St Chalet pointing people to the main thread and infraction points given out to anyone who reopens another one. MLG will take the thread off topic with stats about why Southampton needs a bigger crematorium because the one in Liverpool is regularly full and people didn't bother going to my funeral because they thought they wouldn't get in it will also arguable that Turkish has more funeral goers than Ronnie Kray, depsite there being less people there. It will be because that were restricted by the size of the crematoirum and who knows how many will have gone if they thought they could all get in? I want a HCDAJFU thread on who can be the Pall bearer and a funeral build up thread which is full of utter drivel about things like what formation the pall bearers will take when carrying the coffin. I also want people to leave the funeral 5 minutes early to beat the traffic,well before the coffin goes down with others moaning about it on here to go with the moaning that the queues and quality of the refreshments were too long at the wake and no one could hear the vicar due to the crap PA system.

But will you have any decent beer and what about some Balti pies for afterwards?

**Saint in Paradise** · 12-07-2012, 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by dune

I'm gonna get Franks Cousin to write my Eulogy. Pay back time on all the relatives.

However I was being serious I don't think anyone apart from my wife and my ex-boss from work will attend. ( 2 totally separate people )
I "know" people but not well enough that they will give up time to go to my funeral.

Before anyone else says it yes I am a "Johnny no mates obviously".

**Hatch** · 12-07-2012, 08:40 AM

It would probably be about 12 months before anyone noticed I died anyway, so there would be no need for a funeral .

**Sergei Gotsmanov** · 12-07-2012, 08:46 AM

Originally Posted by dune

I'm gonna get Franks Cousin to write my Eulogy. Pay back time on all the relatives.

That is very good.

**Saint in Paradise** · 12-07-2012, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by Hatch

It would probably be about 12 months before anyone noticed I died anyway, so there would be no need for a funeral .

I don't know Hatch, I think that Ron Jeremy might notice - you being his fluffer an all

**Sergei Gotsmanov** · 12-07-2012, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by Saint in Paradise

However I was being serious I don't think anyone apart from my wife and my ex-boss from work will attend. ( 2 totally separate people )
I "know" people but not well enough that they will give up time to go to my funeral.

Before anyone else says it yes I am a "Johnny no mates obviously".

Its a shame you have been to a couple of funerals recently - you could have doubled your attendance.

Just joking. I assume that you are not being that serious.

**sebastian firefly** · 12-07-2012, 08:55 AM

tetra pak
id hope there would be a few just to make sure ive gone and its not a bluff

**dune** · 12-07-2012, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by pap

Fairly sure my funeral will be well attended. Still have most of my mates from school, come from a big family and a good proportion of the delegation would turn up "to be sure"

Plus there's the Scouse factor. Funerals are the perfect occasion for them to enjoy themselves doing what they do best - wallowing in misery and self pity.

**alpine_saint** · 12-07-2012, 11:26 AM

Originally Posted by dune

Plus there's the Scouse factor. Funerals are the perfect occasion for them to enjoy themselves doing what they do best - wallowing in misery and self pity.

I was thinking more that the collection tins should be hidden.

**pap** · 12-07-2012, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by dune

Plus there's the Scouse factor. Funerals are the perfect occasion for them to enjoy themselves doing what they do best - wallowing in misery and self pity.

Reading your fishing posts is like living near to an airport. You notice the massive noise initially, but after a while, you just get used to it. Part of the furniture, if you will.