Having to get up for in p:ss in the night...

**Scudamore** · 21-11-2008, 08:43 AM

how often do you have to do this?

**adzamazing** · 21-11-2008, 08:43 AM

I just go in my bed , it warms me up.

**Pancake** · 21-11-2008, 08:52 AM

My bladder control is that of a normal 30 year old, eg. I only have the urge to **** during the night after consuming over 5 pints or so. Other than that I wait until Im up at 5.45 before I go.

**Crouchie's Lawyer** · 21-11-2008, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by Pancake

My bladder control is that of a normal 30 year old, eg. I only have the urge to **** during the night after consuming over 5 pints or so. Other than that I wait until Im up at 5.45 before I go.

I am similar to Pancake, although I am not as old!

I tend to wait until the morning on the rare occasions I need to go in the middle of the night. But if you want specifics, I would say once a month I get up to **** in the middle of the night.

What is weirder, if getting up to sh!t in the middle of the night. I have done this a few times.

**scott_saints** · 21-11-2008, 09:06 AM

I was up at 4 a couple of nights ago to have a banging s**t. I can confirm it was strange.

**JohnnyFartPants** · 21-11-2008, 09:11 AM

I am 42 and still **** directly before I go to bed which sees me through the night. I get up around 7.30am. If I have consumed vast amounts of beer I may have one around 5am. On one occasion I drank a 3 ltr bottle of scrumpy, then two bottles of red wine and found the leather settee was very shiny in the morning and my clothes were wet.

**Scudamore** · 21-11-2008, 09:21 AM

I once woke up in the middle of the night round a mates parents house (after getting unbelievably drunk in the pub) when i was about sixteen and went for a p:ss behind his sofa in the lounge. I thought i was p:ssing against the wall outside...he woke up and said "What the f::ck are you doing?!" and i replied "I'm having a p:ss..." then the lightbulb moment made me realise where i was...so i pinched it and waddled off to the toilet to finish up...not that it helped of course...i'd pished all over my jeans by that stage...

**Crouchie's Lawyer** · 21-11-2008, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by Scudamore

I once woke up in the middle of the night round a mates parents house (after getting unbelievably drunk in the pub) when I was about sixteen and went for a p:ss behind his sofa in the lounge. I thought i was p:ssing against the wall outside...he woke up and said "What the f::ck are you doing?!" and i replied "I'm having a p:ss..." then the lightbulb moment made me realise where i was...so i pinched it and waddled off to the toilet to finish up...not that it helped of course...i'd pished all over my jeans by that stage...

That made me lol.

I am proud in admitting I was too lazy when I was younger to get out of bed to wee. Yes I wet the bed. I found there were many benefits to wetting the bed..

1) Warms you up on a cold night.
2) Fresh bed linen most nights.
3) Rewards for consecutive non-bed-wetting nights (my parents must have had shares in Toys 'R' Us).
4) Days off school to go to doctors etc

The list goes on. However, on one certain occasion, when I was trying hard to obtain a 'Mask Crusaiders Lorry toy' I went to bed, having drained what I thought was all the wee I could from my tiny undersized bladder. My parents had a dinner party and around 12pm, I decided I needed a wee. However, I was still quite asleep. I am not one for sleep walking and think it must have been a similar experience to Scu's half asleep, half awake feeling. I wandered down stairs and into the kitchen, where my parents and their friends were all gathered, flopped my wang out and proceeded to urinate in the kitchen bin.

Unfortunately, I do not remember this.

**hamster** · 21-11-2008, 11:08 AM

"flopped my wang"

I do not believe that it is appropriate for a child to call his penis a 'wang'. Just my opinion of course.

**Crouchie's Lawyer** · 21-11-2008, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by hamster

"flopped my wang"

I do not believe that it is appropriate for a child to call his penis a 'wang'. Just my opinion of course.

I think its a splendid term, infact gives me the idea of a new thread....

**notnowcato** · 21-11-2008, 11:13 AM

Has anyone dreamt that they were going for a pish and wake up in a panic?

**TopGun** · 21-11-2008, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by notnowcato

Has anyone dreamt that they were going for a pish and wake up in a panic?

This occasionally happens to me, it is disconcerting. About two months ago a mate stayed over on the settee and for some drunken reason decided to **** in the kitchen bin instead of the bathroom. Was not pleased with him.

**Scudamore** · 21-11-2008, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by TopGun

This occasionally happens to me, it is disconcerting. About two months ago a mate stayed over on the settee and for some drunken reason decided to **** in the kitchen bin instead of the bathroom. Was not pleased with him.

**hamster** · 21-11-2008, 11:20 AM

Has anyone ever taken a wee whilst being (ahem) at it?

No, me neither.

**JohnnyFartPants** · 21-11-2008, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by hamster

Has anyone ever taken a wee whilst being (ahem) at it?

No, me neither.

No, sadly not but I have dumped in a birds mouth.

I haven't really but it just sounded funny.

**Master Bates** · 21-11-2008, 11:26 AM

If unlucky then once, anytime between 12:30am - 4am.

**INFLUENCED.COM** · 21-11-2008, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by hamster

Has anyone ever taken a wee whilst being (ahem) at it?

Had a bird do that many years ago, before I realised what it was firstly thought she was a squirter and that I must be putting in a very, very good performance(the normal is a high standard anyway (imo)) didn't matter in the moment but as soon as I got rid of my dirty water felt disgusted by her lack of control and promptly left, if she had asked I probably would have let her fire on but to just give me a golden shower without notice or authorisation was just plain rude, no wonder I only went back there 46 times.

**hamster** · 21-11-2008, 11:27 AM

Actually, this has me wondering now, what does wee or semen taste like, or poo even? Anyone on here enlighten us?

**Pancake** · 21-11-2008, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by hamster

Actually, this has me wondering now, what does wee or semen taste like, or poo even? Anyone on here enlighten us?

Im sure Ewell can answer one of those...

**Big John** · 21-11-2008, 12:12 PM

Originally Posted by hamster

Actually, this has me wondering now, what does wee or semen taste like, or poo even? Anyone on here enlighten us?

Hamster, Ask your Mum.

**mehball** · 21-11-2008, 12:16 PM

Never, I wee & poo & **** before I go to sleep

**saint lard** · 21-11-2008, 07:22 PM

When i was a nipper,say 16ish,i would come home after a few swiftys stick on the friday rock show and doze off.
Invariably i would want a pee,not wanting to wake Ma and Pa up i would lift the lid to the fish tank which was in my room and take a pee in it.
The fish had a shorter life expectancy than my father was led to believe.

**SNSUN** · 21-11-2008, 07:50 PM

I don't tend to go at night, but if I did, to save walking through the whole house to get to the toilet, I would pee in a condom and leave it in my sick bucket.

**saint_stevo** · 21-11-2008, 11:57 PM

needed to pee at a birds house, walked out starkers and p:ssed and went into the loo and switched the light on.

was her parents room and not the loo.......

**Linvoy's Afro** · 22-11-2008, 12:35 AM

I ****ed in my mate's laundry basket once because (presumably, I don't remember) I thought it was the toilet. Then again I was so drunk that night that I also thought his house had an extra floor and that his room was at the back of the house rather than the front, which confused me no end when I tried to get up for work the next morning.

**tpbury** · 22-11-2008, 01:04 AM

Quality eneurisis stories. I have to switch to wine / sprits after 5 (if at home) or 6 (if 'on the town'). Otherwise I find the toilet a little bit too far away.

I have walked into a mate's parent's bedroom and 'did the wang' thing, but fortunately had better brakes in those days and made it to the loo. Never did quite figure the outside/indisde wall of another mate's brick walled cottage. His cats were severely punished!! Wardrobes, corners, behind radiators, out the window - anything is acceptable when you really need to go and can't find the door or lightswitch.

I once witnessed a man standing up in Frying Pan Alley in East London weep as he ****ed himself, the stains became visible. It was 9.30 am...

**Robsk II** · 22-11-2008, 01:27 AM

Everyone seems to have a tale such as this, but I can't help think a lot of it is made up crap. I virtually never have to get up to ****, and if I'm hammered, even to the point of not remembering, Ihave never - as far as I know - ****ed somewhere entirely weird like a wardrobe. Even when you're steaming, you retain a vague semblance of intelligence, surely? The most drunk I've been in the last few years, I don't recall the night at all and woke up in a pile of my own vomit. My mate came back a while after me to find me laying against my front door, burbling incoherently, possibly in my sleep. even in this state, I A) made it home, just and B) made it into bed and probably had a wee once the door issue was resolved. I don't see how you'd manage it.

**St Landrew** · 22-11-2008, 01:41 AM

Boringly, I go to the toilet just before going to sleep. However, when I lived in Kent, and still married, my best mate and his girlfriend popped up from Southampton for a weekend visit. We gave them our bed, as the spare was a little iffy at the time. After an evening of carousing, we all went off to bed. In the middle of the night I stumbled, still p!ssed as a fart, to the toilet. In the morning I woke up to find myself entwined in the cuddle of my mate's girlfriend. I'd just climbed into my own bed.

Now I know you won't believe this, but I honestly thought she was my wife, and she thought I was my mate. We were still fairly inebriated and err... exploring..! I still don't know how we got away with it, undiscovered.

**Robsk II** · 22-11-2008, 01:58 AM

Where was your mate..? And did you do anything?

**St Landrew** · 22-11-2008, 03:23 PM

Originally Posted by Robsk II

Where was your mate..? And did you do anything?

I never screw and tell.

**EastleighSoulBoy** · 22-11-2008, 06:14 AM

Whether at work on a night shift or at home in bed, the 3 a.m. alarm call is set to go off every day.

Being diabetic doesn't help. Down the pub it seems to be that after the fourth I drink a pint and pass a gallon.

**Toomer** · 22-11-2008, 08:05 AM

Originally Posted by EastleighSoulBoy

Whether at work on a night shift or at home in bed, the 3 a.m. alarm call is set to go off every day.

Being diabetic doesn't help. Down the pub it seems to be that after the fourth I drink a pint and pass a gallon.

Same as, down the pub once I start in and out of the carzy all night.