Wife taking your surname when married

Don't you want to get married? Find many of the anti-establishment views on marriage can often be a coping mechanism.

Tbh I don't know why the groom mostly wears a suit and doesn't wear a frock.

And what's with those archaic vows. All this tradition is so outdated now and guess it was created before Facebook and stuff educated us all.

I agree with this. It's strange, maybe it's the background I am from, but I don't know of any couples of my age (30) that don't want to get married. The single ones may be a bit different but I think that's due to opportunity. Although I am not married, I certainly plan to. It was like growing up and going to university - as far as I was and am concerned not doing it is not an option.

It's ok - you don't always have to be nice..

And tis a common retort on a forum I know, but re. 'And you' - you know f all about me..

Although your super empathy skills probably lead you to think you do.

Hi Whelk,

As I said, I didn't mean it to come out as strong as it looked. I was intended to be jokey.

Thanks.

Don't you want to get married? Find many of the anti-establishment views on marriage can often be a coping mechanism.

Tbh I don't know why the groom mostly wears a suit and doesn't wear a frock.

And what's with those archaic vows. All this tradition is so outdated now and guess it was created before Facebook and stuff educated us all.

Well, you say it like it's a generational thing, but my parents didn't get married and they're still together 40 years on. So naturally, I don't see it as something important.

Well, you say it like it's a generational thing, but my parents didn't get married and they're still together 40 years on. So naturally, I don't see it as something important.

You say that, but my experience is that the vast majority of women want to get married. As soon as they see their friends getting hitched then most of them want to see the same commitment from their partner.

You say that, but my experience is that the vast majority of women want to get married. As soon as they see their friends getting hitched then most of them want to see the same commitment from their partner.

I'd say that's probably the case, I was just responding to Whelks take that it's the younger generations wanting to lose tradition. Whereas, that's not always the case.

I think the difference nowadays, is you'll be less judged if you don't want to get married. There's more freedom to do what you want. But there are still plenty of young people who love the tradition of it.

But I have zero aspirations of walking down an isle in a white dress and being a princess for a day. Embarrassing, expensive, and time consuming! My worst nightmare!

There are few pleasures in life more satisfying than having a wife.

In fact, having several.

Especially when you're single.

I'd say that's probably the case, I was just responding to Whelks take that it's the younger generations wanting to lose tradition. Whereas, that's not always the case.

 

I think the difference nowadays, is you'll be less judged if you don't want to get married. There's more freedom to do what you want. But there are still plenty of young people who love the tradition of it.

 

But I have zero aspirations of walking down an isle in a white dress and being a princess for a day. Embarrassing, expensive, and time consuming! My worst nightmare!

I find that an odd way to look at it. We certainly aren't doing anything tacky or overly expensive. It's about making a public declaration of our love and a commitment to each other with all our friends and family. Personally I'm looking forward to it. Presuming you are single, maybe you will feel differently when you meet "the one."

Why? Why should one individual be obliged to give up their name? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Because its a tradition steeped into the institution that is marriage, and for me a lot of traditions have been lost, sonI for one think its worth keeping. For the risk of sounding a bit soft, marriage is about two people joining together and becoming one, devoting their life etc therefore, I think that particular part of it should be adhered to.

Im not discussing whether marriage is as common etc these days, as you have a point, its not. But thats not what the OP wants to discuss

Because its a tradition steeped into the institution that is marriage, and for me a lot of traditions have been lost, sonI for one think its worth keeping. For the risk of sounding a bit soft, marriage is about two people joining together and becoming one, devoting their life etc therefore, I think that particular part of it should be adhered to.

 

Im not discussing whether marriage is as common etc these days, as you have a point, its not. But thats not what the OP wants to discuss

Yes smirking that is exactly how I feel. There is something very cold and emotionless about removing all traditions from society. Having the same surname is a symbol of the commitment you have shown and the trust you place in that other person.

What are people's thoughts on this? Are you not bothered? Is it something that is important to you? What is your thoughts on a double barreled surname?

What about gay marriage, who takes whose name in that one?

What about gay marriage, who takes whose name in that one?

They can do whatever they like really. Everyone just calls it marriage so they don't do the usual thing and make a scene.

They can do whatever they like really. Everyone just calls it marriage so they don't do the usual thing and make a scene.

The trouble with this country is, and young Andy is a prime example of this, the next generation is a generation of spolit brats with a sense of entitlement. Why should i do this, why should i do that, etc etc, load of utter nonsense. People getting themselves at it over a tradition that's gone on for centuries because they dont think they should have to do something. Spolit, sulky brats acting like horrible little children.

The trouble with this country is, and young Andy is a prime example of this, the next generation is a generation of spolit brats with a sense of entitlement. Why should i do this, why should i do that, etc etc, load of utter nonsense. People getting themselves at it over a tradition that's gone on for centuries because they dont think they should have to do something. Spolit, sulky brats acting like horrible little children.

It's as if they've all spent too much listening to Rage's 'Killin' in the name of'.

It's as if they've all spent too much listening to Rage's 'Killin' in the name of'.

"Killing In The Name"

"Killing In The Name"

Sorry, wasn't concentrating, was listening to 'Balls on parade'.

Because its a tradition steeped into the institution that is marriage, and for me a lot of traditions have been lost, sonI for one think its worth keeping. For the risk of sounding a bit soft, marriage is about two people joining together and becoming one, devoting their life etc therefore, I think that particular part of it should be adhered to.

 

Im not discussing whether marriage is as common etc these days, as you have a point, its not. But thats not what the OP wants to discuss

Surely the original tradition is that the title Mrs. is followed by the husbands first and last names, eg. David Cameron's wife would be Mrs. David Cameron. Do you and your wife follow this tradition or does she use her own first name and the tradition not worth keeping?

What about gay marriage, who takes whose name in that one?

Two of my wife's lesbian friends got married last year and one of them changed to the other's surname. Not sure how they decided who was changing though. Perhaps they tossed for it...

Surely the original tradition is that the title Mrs. is followed by the husbands first and last names, eg. David Cameron's wife would be Mrs. David Cameron. Do you and your wife follow this tradition or does she use her own first name and the tradition not worth keeping?

She is mrs smirking saint

Two of my wife's lesbian friends got married last year and one of them changed to the other's surname. Not sure how they decided who was changing though. Perhaps they tossed for it...

Is that even anatomically possible?

Is that even anatomically possible?

I'll ask and report back

Is that even anatomically possible?

I think he means flicked for it.......

I think he means flicked for it.......

Ha! Budgies tongues ahoy...

What about gay marriage, who takes whose name in that one?

I think that's where "giver" and "taker" comes from.....one of the gay's gives their surname to the other, who then takes it.

I would definitely keep my old name should I ever get married (I don't particularly believe in marriage either, so may skip it all together). But it's the question of children that makes it more complex. Double barrelling is pretty normalised these days (apart from on here it seems!) but I can see benefit of the child having the man's surname as a psychological bonding moment, when the women has such strong bonds through the process of childbirth.

We're not married but have 2 kids. Both of us have dull, common English surnames and neither of us were fussed which our kids had but we didn't want double barrelled. In the end we decided that girls would have her surname and boys mine. We had 2 boys.

Don't really see the point of marriage now. 20 years together, 2 kids and a mortgage. Nothing would change other than I wouldn't have to correct people who call my partner my wife. My Mum would love a wedding so it's mildly amusing that my sister has 2 kids with her partner and isn't married either.

The kids both got my name, eventually.

In the early days, Juvenile Unit #1 had the missus' name, for no other reason than we didn't know whether we would last the course. We ended up having to get it legally changed by deed poll.

Doesn't really matter in the long run. I've never had any expectation of the kids keeping their names, but ironically, can see arch-feminist Juvenile Unit #1 insisting she keeps her surname in any future union. Which she got from me. A bloke

We're not married but have 2 kids. Both of us have dull, common English surnames and neither of us were fussed which our kids had but we didn't want double barrelled. In the end we decided that girls would have her surname and boys mine. We had 2 boys.

 

Don't really see the point of marriage now. 20 years together, 2 kids and a mortgage. Nothing would change other than I wouldn't have to correct people who call my partner my wife. My Mum would love a wedding so it's mildly amusing that my sister has 2 kids with her partner and isn't married either.

The Cat, you are pretty damn cool, it's got to be said.

The trouble with this country is, and young Andy is a prime example of this, the next generation is a generation of spolit brats with a sense of entitlement. Why should i do this, why should i do that, etc etc, load of utter nonsense. People getting themselves at it over a tradition that's gone on for centuries because they dont think they should have to do something. Spolit, sulky brats acting like horrible little children.

Do you still rape your wife as was traditionally acceptable?

I find that an odd way to look at it. We certainly aren't doing anything tacky or overly expensive. It's about making a public declaration of our love and a commitment to each other with all our friends and family. Personally I'm looking forward to it. Presuming you are single, maybe you will feel differently when you meet "the one."

Is it " Natasha" you are "marrying?"

Do you still rape your wife as was traditionally acceptable?

You seem a bit obsessed with rape Jonnyboy what with this and saying that I supported that appaling rape in India. Are you feeling OK? You sure you haven't had a brush with it yourself? I can't imagine why you would keep bringing it up otherwise.

Is it " Natasha" you are "marrying?"

No. Natasha was an ex girlfriend of mine and we broke up about five years ago. She now lives in Bristol I believe but I haven't spoken to her since at least 2011. Odd that you and buzzin orn continue to bring it up but if it provides you with amusement then you can continue I suppose.

You seem a bit obsessed with rape Jonnyboy what with this and saying that I supported that appaling rape in India. Are you feeling OK? You sure you haven't had a brush with it yourself? I can't imagine why you would keep bringing it up otherwise.

You were the one banging on about "getting a woman pregnant is man's primary function." It is a natural extrapolation.

No. Natasha was an ex girlfriend of mine and we broke up about five years ago. She now lives in Bristol I believe but I haven't spoken to her since at least 2011. Odd that you and buzzin orn continue to bring it up but if it provides you with amusement then you can continue I suppose.

I'm just looking out for you. Wouldn't want you walking down the aisle with your c*ck in your hand.

You were the one banging on about "getting a woman pregnant is man's primary function." It is a natural extrapolation.

Been through this already. You were too stupid to understand. Let's try not to bring up rape again in the future, it's pretty distasteful.

I'm just looking out for you. Wouldn't want you walking down the aisle with your c*ck in your hand.

Quite happy with my Mrs thanks. Need no assistance from random forum folk with an interest in rape to get laid.

Quite happy with my Mrs thanks. Need no assistance from random forum folk with an interest in rape to get laid.

Why are you bringing up rape again? Didn't you read your previous post? Worrying.

You were the one banging on about "getting a woman pregnant is man's primary function." It is a natural extrapolation.

Blimey, not really though is it? Natural extrapolation?

Because its a tradition steeped into the institution that is marriage, and for me a lot of traditions have been lost, sonI for one think its worth keeping. For the risk of sounding a bit soft, marriage is about two people joining together and becoming one, devoting their life etc therefore, I think that particular part of it should be adhered to.

 

Im not discussing whether marriage is as common etc these days, as you have a point, its not. But thats not what the OP wants to discuss

People keep talking about tradition but this lovey dovey attitude to relationships is a very modern thing. Historically it's about men owning women. Don't know why all you Tories want to rewrite history.

Another good read:

http://www.yesmagazine.org/happiness/the-ancient-greeks-6-words-for-love-and-why-knowing-them-can-change-your-life

On a related theme, has anyone been watching Amanda Vickery's series on the Suffragettes? Personally, I've found it interesting.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0544j0j/suffragettes-forever-the-story-of-women-and-power-episode-1

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/culture-of-love/a-brief-cultural-history-of-sex-938527.html

Thanks Jonnyboy, most interesting.

One more for luck:

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-touch-isolation-how-homophobia-has-robbed-men-of-touch/

I'd have thought my missus was a rug-muncher if she didn't take my surname when we got married.

This 'tradition' didn't start until about the 1500s because people didn't have surnames until that time. Loads of other countries don't have this 'tradition'.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names

This 'tradition' didn't start until about the 1500s because people didn't have surnames until that time. Loads of other countries don't have this 'tradition'.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names

That's a good alternative we've not discussed - name blending! As in Dawn O'Porter. I think that's quite funny!

The Cat, you are pretty damn cool, it's got to be said.

This 'tradition' didn't start until about the 1500s because people didn't have surnames until that time. Loads of other countries don't have this 'tradition'.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names

Five hundred years is a pretty long tradition.

Five hundred years is a pretty long tradition.

It's a symbolic part of a larger historical oppression of women though that we are now slowly moving on from. Culture changes and is variable, as I'm sure you know. I'm sure partnerships will survive people not opting into this tradition.

It's a symbolic part of a larger historical oppression of women though that we are now slowly moving on from. Culture changes and is variable, as I'm sure you know. I'm sure partnerships will survive people not opting into this tradition.

Oh darn it. I'm getting married next year so I better tell my wife that we are participating in the continuation of the oppression of women. And here I was under the mistaken impression that we loved each other and wanted to express that publicly and make a commitment to each other. Thank goodness that more enlightened individuals such as yourself are moving away from such outdated practices as marriage.

Darn it? Lol

I refer everyone to the 1st sentence of the 2nd post:

http://www.saintsweb.co.uk/showthread.php?53719-What-are-you-like-in-real-life#.VQn_G-geK2c