Old blokes football - Tuesday night @ Fleming Park, Eastleigh

Hello TSW.

Over on Sotonians.com we've been playing an old blokes' five-a-side for a little while now. I was interested to see a) if anyone here is interested in playing when we're short of a player or two and b) whether TSW collectively fancies fielding a VETERANS (no ringers) five-a-side team to take on the might of Sotonians.com's best.

See here for the kick-about thread.

We're aged 27 to 55 - although a statistician that studies Titian might point out that the mean is closer to mid-40s (It's skewed by 27-year-old ant).

Some of us were once good and some of us were once, and still are average, but either way, we play like we all want to be able to go to work the next day. It's competitive but not overly aggressive.

RallyBoy, ant, Fowllyd, Goatboy (and others) from this parish turn out and give blood for the cause.

We're currently playing 9pm on Tuesdays at Fleming Park, Eastleigh. It's inside on the carpeted New Hall and we've got furry balls!

Let me know here or via PM if you're interested in either a) or b) above.

We enjoy a cheeky beer in the bar afterwards too.

Cheers, Bletch.

Bletch, Bletch, I'm so disappointed with you. Never mind the old blokes, what about the old biddies? Have to say that I qualify on the veterans aspect - indeed based on your age range would raise the average and balance out Ant. Obviously if it's all FA based they wouldn't like it but Tuesdays wouldn't clash with Thursday night training.:-)

Hi Bletch,

Lest you think we're all ignoring you I thought I would say hello.

Unfortunately, to use the well-worn internet excuse "if only I lived closer", and I don't meet your age limits.

And I don't like you.

But, other than that ......

Sadly hung my boots up a couple of years ago. Too many injuries even playing innocuous five-a-sides and could no longer kid myself I still had it.

Would have been up for it otherwise.

I'm too young for walking football as well

How does a mongboard football match go? Do you all have your login names on the back of your shirts? Do you have a load of nerds sitting on the sideline posting on papweb on a match day thread? I bet the post match "cheeky beer" is a lolathan where not only do you discuss a deep tactical analyisis on tonight's match there is heated discussion about the previous weeks posts across the full spectrum of saints related forums.

It's interesting to see sue whistle offer her services to the cause though, I had no idea she played football.

How does a mongboard football match go? Do you all have your login names on the back of your shirts? Do you have a load of nerds sitting on the sideline posting on papweb on a match day thread? I bet the post match "cheeky beer" is a lolathan where not only do you discuss a deep tactical analyisis on tonight's match there is heated discussion about the previous weeks posts across the full spectrum of saints related forums.

 

It's interesting to see sue whistle offer her services to the cause though, I had no idea she played football.

You're such a **** Turkish

(Make up your own word to replace the asterisk but I think you all know the word I had in mind.)

Bletch, Bletch, I'm so disappointed with you. Never mind the old blokes, what about the old biddies? Have to say that I qualify on the veterans aspect - indeed based on your age range would raise the average and balance out Ant. Obviously if it's all FA based they wouldn't like it but Tuesdays wouldn't clash with Thursday night training.:-)

Hi suewhistle, we're an equal opportunities 5-a-side so feel free to come along. I work with an excellent female keeper (not a euphemism) and she's going to be playing when it doesn't clash with her training. She's 23, so not a veteran, but as she's only a woman that should balance the age advantage it out! (I'm so getting scythed when you do play!)

Hi Bletch,

 

Lest you think we're all ignoring you I thought I would say hello.

 

Unfortunately, to use the well-worn internet excuse "if only I lived closer", and I don't meet your age limits.

 

And I don't like you.

 

But, other than that ......

Oh, hutch.

If only you lived closer...

If you find yourself back in a proper country from time to time, that would at least solve the distance issue - if not our simmering mutual-hatred.

****.

Sadly hung my boots up a couple of years ago. Too many injuries even playing innocuous five-a-sides and could no longer kid myself I still had it.

Would have been up for it otherwise.

 

I'm too young for walking football as well

There's nothing inocuous about our 5-a-side's whelkster.

We've had an expulsion fracture of the ankle, a fractured ankle and a ripped arse* already.

You're welcome if you change your mind. You can even do the walking football with us - you won't look out of place.

*He says it was a ripped glute muscle, but as it happened in the toilets after the game, I'm not swallowing that.

Oh, and just so you know, at least one* brave solider from this parish has signed up to sing Xmas songs and play footy in the no-man's land between the forums.

x

*So, that's one then, Bletch?

Yep.

You're such a **** Turkish

(Make up your own word to replace the asterisk but I think you all know the word I had in mind.)

Hero?

I would bletch, but my ankles are ****ed after trying to haul my fat @rse around the five a side pitch for more years than I care to remember. I could do some goalie duty, I s'pose, but even bending down to pick the ball out of the net is an ask these days.

I would Bletch but I dont like playing football, and Im no good at it and I live a long way away.

If you decide on inter forum cross country in Sussex count me in! Or failing that cross posting on whether median or mean is the right way to assess a teams age and whether vintage or veteran is kinder.

I would bletch, but my ankles are ****ed after trying to haul my fat @rse around the five a side pitch for more years than I care to remember. I could do some goalie duty, I s'pose, but even bending down to pick the ball out of the net is an ask these days.

Most people that come along say that they will play in goal, then they see the glory of the open goal, staffed only by a bloke with dodgy ankles, and they roll back the years whilst making a mental note to buy some NSAID at the chemists on the way home.

Seriously, if you fancy it give me a shout.

Hope all's well.

Hi BTT! Hope all's well with you.

I would Bletch but I'm football-gay

Fair enough.

If you decide on inter forum cross country in Sussex count me in! Or failing that cross posting on whether median or mean is the right way to assess a teams age and whether vintage or veteran is kinder.

If I become football-gay, or I can't sleep you'll be the first to know, Tim.

If you change your mind, and you're as fit as that post makes you sound, then come along.

I'm looking for a b!tch to do my running for me.

Hi suewhistle, we're an equal opportunities 5-a-side so feel free to come along. I work with an excellent female keeper (not a euphemism) and she's going to be playing when it doesn't clash with her training. She's 23, so not a veteran, but as she's only a woman that should balance the age advantage it out! (I'm so getting scythed when you do play!)

heh, heh, I'm in a good mood (still laughing at Turkish) so I won't wave the red card.. besides I've realised how slow I am and probably wouldn't manage a scythe... maybe a solid body check? What sort of footwear do they require, white soled etc.?

Maybe something between 5-a-side and walking football is needed, it was slightly worrying to get an 'Independent Living' catalogue (comodes, heatpads, wheelchairs) through the post the other day...

Like-minded people having fun?

Leaving the safety of the computer?

Getting fitter while sharing an interest in football?

Sounds rubbish.

Rallyboy, we'll get some Portsmyth fans along; would that help?

Like-minded people having fun?

Leaving the safety of the computer?

Getting fitter while sharing an interest in football?

Sounds rubbish.

I object to 'like-minded', 'fun' and 'fitter'.

Apart from that, bob on;)

I'm in for a few. Put me down for the June matches when I'll be in the UK, if you can keep the interest up until then.

Hmmm.... come to think of it, maybe I should have posted this on the "other" side as I tend to lurk on there more than here nowadays, but at my age and knowing my level of footballing ability (or lack of), perhaps it would be better for me to be laughed at as a member of this forum and to (try and) keep my dignity on the other..

If I can't sleep you'll be the first to know, Tim.

 

Hi Bletch!!

No need for that. We do have window locks and deadbolts in Sussex you know. Im only football gay.

Fit is a relative term dontchathink? The fact I dont keep my pancreas in a jar and can wipe my own butt is close enough for me.

Hi Bletch!!

 

No need for that. We do have window locks and deadbolts in Sussex you know. Im only football gay.

 

Fit is a relative term dontchathink? The fact I dont keep my pancreas in a jar and can wipe my own butt is close enough for me.

Lol.

And those two facts qualify you for a place in the first team squad on any Tuesday night.

If you find yourself back in God's own county at a loose end, let me know.

Your but-wiping abilities will make a change from the Goat's insistence on wiping other people's arses.

I mean, it's a nice touch, but not during the game.

I'm in for a few. Put me down for the June matches when I'll be in the UK, if you can keep the interest up until then.

Hmmm.... come to think of it, maybe I should have posted this on the "other" side as I tend to lurk on there more than here nowadays, but at my age and knowing my level of footballing ability (or lack of), perhaps it would be better for me to be laughed at as a member of this forum and to (try and) keep my dignity on the other..

Drop me a note never the time, AussieDog.

Two important facts that may influence attendance...

Firstly, you don't have to sign up to the world's 5th* biggest (but most self-congratulatory and back slapping) Saints' forum in order to play. I just need a mobile number/email to invite you.

Secondly, you are very unlikely to come into contact with pap on a Tuesday night**. His penguin hips and DNA mean that he plays the role of a doting emperor penguin - by waddling around with the ball between his feet. Instead, he stays at home in Liverpool, wearing a sheepskin coat, barking managerial instructions to me via a secure telephone line.

*sotonians.com is just behind Burkina Faso Saints.

**our research suggests that pap is like marmite - you either hate him or you think he's a complete ****.

heh, heh, I'm in a good mood (still laughing at Turkish) so I won't wave the red card.. besides I've realised how slow I am and probably wouldn't manage a scythe... maybe a solid body check? What sort of footwear do they require, white soled etc.?

 

Maybe something between 5-a-side and walking football is needed, it was slightly worrying to get an 'Independent Living' catalogue (comodes, heatpads, wheelchairs) through the post the other day...

A body-check (shoulder to shoulder might be difficult depending on your height!) is in the rules.

It's a carpeted indoor surface so any grippy shoe would work. I wear astroturf trainers and they work ok. Although I'm hoping my latent talent starts to kick in and I get the chance to wear a pair of Nike Mercurial Superfly. At the moment the delta between talent and appearance would be too great.

It is a pretty unforgiving surface and I it doesn't have a lot of give. Come the summer we might play outside.

If you do fancy a run-out/walk-out, and do manage to get off that commode, let me know.

BTT will be there to wipe arses.

BTT?

As long as Hypo or Turkish aren't there, which might make my normal reticent politeness to disappear (the ****s). .

Be in touch.. s'late.

Seeing I'm now what could be considered a veteran, I might be up for this. Haven't kicked a ball in about 4 years tho!

Seeing I'm now what could be considered a veteran, I might be up for this. Haven't kicked a ball in about 4 years tho!

Well you certainly like to be courted, you tart.

How can I turn that might into a will?

Your crustacean pulmonary abilities will give you an advantage over most of us?

Has that swung it?

Let me know. Next game is Tuesday 1st.

BTT?

 

As long as Hypo or Turkish aren't there, which might make my normal reticent politeness to disappear (the ****s). .

Be in touch.. s'late.

BTT = buck-toothed Tim.

Tonight, of course, I'll be finding the nearest pub in walking distance with BT Sport to watch Saints.. Hope you get a quorum.

Match report from last night's 'match'.

5 v 5 with a rolling sub and a really close game between the bibs and the skins.

Skins rode out 13-9 winners, although there is some doubt amongst the group that I got that 100% right. But as the Bletcheree's decision is final, that is the official score. (it was actually 10-9 to the skins after the regulation 60 mins, but they pulled away in drinking time).

Nice to meet THE Cat who has increased the skill quotient nearly as much as he increased the 'knees of an ostrich quotient. Also, unlike the stories that pap tells us about those from The Other Place, he had neither Combat 18 tattoos nor 6 fingers. (Oh **** I hope that is true).

I was my usual assured self in front of goal (keeping) but left no banjo splinters in the frame of the bibs' goal.

The RaleighBoy got the yips in front of goal too, and couldn't even control the simplest of throat passes by the end of the night.

Moment of the night was The Flyd Cat getting the ball kicked in his face from The Eleventh Man's errant shot. He staggered like he'd taken a punch. Just me?

Goal of the night came from our senior member (johnH - he's from The Wales isn't it) who walked through our tight and regimented defence like a Welsh John Barnes against a ****ter Brazil, to tuck the ball coolly into the corner.

We'll shoot for next week and see if we can get the numbers.

Toke's a ****.

Next game is next Tuesday 15th - if we can get the numbers.

Shout if you are interested.

Gave last night a miss as I pulled a muscle in my back keeping a clean sheet on Sunday, and managed to destroy my right boot through toe-poke goal kicking and had to put on my mouldies.. Just splashed out on new soft ground boots, and as they were only £21 in a sale I reckon on popping out for a lunchtime pint or two up to my boot budget limit. Four pints in a 'spoons then.. If I come through next Sunday unscathed I'll PM you.

The Combat 18 tattoo is on my butt, which incidentally is where I've been sat all day to avoid having to walk after my first game in over a year.

The scoreline seems tight but because at least 4 of Rallyboy's goals were toe punts they have retrospectively been disallowed under FA rules which state that no player over the age of 9 can legitimately score in this way.

Hi Sue, I've tried to send you a PM but I'm told that you've chosen not to receive PMs.

Perhaps you (or I) have too many PMs? I remember that always used to be a problem on here.

Crab Lungs, you (and your limited pulmonary system) have a PM!

The Combat 18 tattoo is on my butt, which incidentally is where I've been sat all day to avoid having to walk after my first game in over a year.

 

The scoreline seems tight but because at least 4 of Rallyboy's goals were toe punts they have retrospectively been disallowed under FA rules which state that no player over the age of 9 can legitimately score in this way.

THE Cat, you haven't replied to the invitation text. You might need to get in quick as we're nearly at 10.

BTW, I did see that tattoo on your backside in the showers after the game.

But due to the Teutonic font, and the fact I wasn't wearing my glasses, I assumed it was an invitation for strangers to dump love-gloy on your back.

It was a kind offer, but with 20/20 vision now reinstated, I'm glad I didn't take you up on it.

Either I didn't receive a text or I'm shunning you after you neglected to spaff on my back.

One of those is true.

Either I didn't receive a text or I'm shunning you after you neglected to spaff on my back.

 

One of those is true.

It was the come on my back tattoo, wasn't it?

See you Tuesday.