Livid!

After a 14 month retirement from the beautiful game, I somewhat foolhardily at the grand old age of 35,decided I would make a comeback, this was my chance to give something back to the fans of Ludgvan FC who had supported me in my pomp.

Well first game tonight, and I come on at half time about 700 big macs heavier then when I last played, but a glancing header shows there is life in the old dog as I put us 1-0 up, much to the delight of the travelling faithful, then when clean throw on goal , I am ruthlessly chopped down from behind, I feel the knee go instantly, and my comeback is over before its really begun....

Its a crazy game at times, but although I am livid right now, theres a part of me, thats already replaying my goal, and thinking I can still do it.

Now to cut out the big macs...

Dareen'LeTiss' indeed.

I turned out for a mate's side at the tail end of last year when they were short... I'm 39 and 2 stone heavier than when I last played at 33. I did alright and wound up the oppositions 19 year old centre forward so much he turned round and spat in my face and got sent off so I didn't even get chance to go through the ****er the next time he got the ball. I aint playing Sunday football again.

I made my first appearance in the Cornwall Combination Premier League last week, after recently moving down there.

We went 1-0 down to this complete d*ckhead who was giving it the big one after he tripped over his chubby arse and fluked one in off his noggin.

Anyway, next time he went through on goal I hacked his knees clean off him. He wasn't laughing after that - he went straight off not to be seen again!

Don't mess with the number six!

when clean throw on goal , I am ruthlessly chopped down from behind, I feel the knee go instantly, and my comeback is over before its really begun....

Sue his arse off. I want half of the £4m.