Less features pls

I've just had a chat with ms pap, who claims that when she has sent me text messages and Facebook messages to the point of exhaustion, and has not seen a reply for eight hours, her next move is usually go to SaintsWeb where it says "pap was online 20 minutes ago". She claims it's just to check "I'm not dead", but realistically, I'm in the proper fkn doghouse boys. I therefore request two new features.

1) Remove the "missus stalker" option. Replace with text such as "pap might've been online. What are you going to do about it, bee-hatch?".

2) Prevent any signup attempt from someone wanting the username "ms pap". This has been threatened as a communications nuclear option.

I've just had a chat with ms pap, who claims that when she has sent me text messages and Facebook messages to the point of exhaustion, and has not seen a reply for eight hours, her next move is usually go to SaintsWeb where it says "pap was online 20 minutes ago". She claims it's just to check "I'm not dead", but realistically, I'm in the proper fkn doghouse boys. I therefore request two new features.

 

1) Remove the "missus stalker" option. Replace with text such as "pap might've been online. What are you going to do about it, bee-hatch?".

2) Prevent any signup attempt from someone wanting the username "ms pap". This has been threatened as a communications nuclear option.

Have you tried actually talking to her?

Lol, I'd love to see a Mrs Pap shooting down conspiracy theories in the Lounge left right and centre.