Child Support Agency

I have just received a delightful letter informing me that if I don't pay my ex wife £1300 arrears (this is from 6 years ago when I was unempolyed and knew nothing about until a few weeks ago) they will take 40% of my net income until it is paid off.

I get no say in my kids upbringing. They were taken to live in Spain for over 3 years against my consent.

They live over 40 miles away. My ex has told me she no longer is prepared to drop them off/pick them up half way so if I want to see them I have a 3 hour round trip.

Child Support Agency? What about a bit of support for the fathers?

I have taken my kids on holiday for the last 5 years, looked after them when the ex wanted to jet off with her pilot husband all round the world, bought them clothes, taken them out to fun places - and now I can get fleeced for money I allegedly owe from 6 years ago and get dicated too about how the contact with my children goes.

And this is all legal.

Little wonder people dress up as Spiderman and risk their lives climbing up public buildings!

A very close mate of mine is getting proper done by the CSA....they are cleaning him out pretty much..I wont go into the details as to why but he was paying his share......

the laws in this country on this issue are so out of touch it is unreal

fathers 4 justice...if they are still around..give them support

It sounds dreadful. Good luck - I hope you can get a reassessment.

Yep, good idea. There is no means testing and it seems they have carte blanche when it comes to your wages. My exes husband earns over £150k a year as a pilot. They have a 4 bedroomed detached house and a three bedroomed flat from which they receive rent. I am a public servant on low wages, pay freeze for 2 years if I keep my job and I live in my partners house with no assets to my name. They have got us over a barrel and it sucks.

I have just received a delightful letter informing me that if I don't pay my ex wife £1300 arrears (this is from 6 years ago when I was unempolyed and knew nothing about until a few weeks ago) they will take 40% of my net income until it is paid off.

 

I get no say in my kids upbringing. They were taken to live in Spain for over 3 years against my consent.

 

They live over 40 miles away. My ex has told me she no longer is prepared to drop them off/pick them up half way so if I want to see them I have a 3 hour round trip.

 

Child Support Agency? What about a bit of support for the fathers?

 

I have taken my kids on holiday for the last 5 years, looked after them when the ex wanted to jet off with her pilot husband all round the world, bought them clothes, taken them out to fun places - and now I can get fleeced for money I allegedly owe from 6 years ago and get dicated too about how the contact with my children goes.

 

And this is all legal.

 

Little wonder people dress up as Spiderman and risk their lives climbing up public buildings!

You genuniely have my sympathies about this. I find it a complete disgrace the way the system favours the mother. Especially as it sounds like she's married a bloke who is minted.

it probably wont help one bit..another mates wife has just left working for the CSA (about a week ago) as they are facing big cuts with loads of streamlining etc....and will be renamed....

she also said that the way the do things is very very wrong

mate, you can claim expenses for the 3hr round trip to pick up your kids. that will come off what you have to pay.. i recently had contact with csa.... and to to be honest its all about the mother.... no common sense is applied..

It is all loaded in favour of the mother's Benjii. Until this socity takes the view that fathers are equal we will continue to get stuffed. It is the same with Domestic Violence. There is this theory that it only takes place between men on women. It doesn't. A fair society is one that treats everyone equally. We don't here.

i payed my ex every moth with out fail.. at th egoing rate the csa would claim. she still went to them.. i asked about all the extra's i do... kids sports (costs me 2k a year) holidays... her rent arrears of £800 i paid etc.. csa thoughts are that was my choice..

am wondering and may put it to the test.. if i have my kids twice a week and dont work ie have no income.... my ex works. so would the csa expect her to pay toawards the kids costs whilst they say at mine!!

Do you pay CSA now?

I have never paid CSA as I have a private arrangement with my kids mother, and they would only be able to charge me from the date she made her first claim... the fact she is on benefits is up to her to declare the money/clothes etc she gets with regards to the kids.

You genuniely have my sympathies about this. I find it a complete disgrace the way the system favours the mother. Especially as it sounds like she's married a bloke who is minted.

He is Alps, that is what makes things worse. What they get from me is loose change to him but will make a huge difference to my partner and I, not least meaning I can't see the girls so often.

For example, went down Saturday and took them to Brighton. Apart from the petrol to and from BH it was £10 on the train, £13 for pizza and £34 to see Toy Story 3 - not a lot of change out of £100 and not something I will be able to do very often now.

Re the travelling, didn't know that. They did suggest they might make a reduction for travelling expenses to work but that turned out to be over 15 miles both ways in a straight line.

Do you pay CSA now?

 

I have never paid CSA as I have a private arrangement with my kids mother, and they would only be able to charge me from the date she made her first claim... the fact she is on benefits is up to her to declare the money/clothes etc she gets with regards to the kids.

just amke sure you have proof that you paid these things on the side.....other wise, you could be screwed

i payed my ex every moth with out fail.. at th egoing rate the csa would claim. she still went to them.. i asked about all the extra's i do... kids sports (costs me 2k a year) holidays... her rent arrears of £800 i paid etc.. csa thoughts are that was my choice..

 

am wondering and may put it to the test.. if i have my kids twice a week and dont work ie have no income.... my ex works. so would the csa expect her to pay toawards the kids costs whilst they say at mine!!

there are cases where blokes get CSA..that is true..just depends on who has legal custody I guess

Do you pay CSA now?

 

I have never paid CSA as I have a private arrangement with my kids mother, and they would only be able to charge me from the date she made her first claim... the fact she is on benefits is up to her to declare the money/clothes etc she gets with regards to the kids.

I used to, then I was out of work for 3 years so stopped, although I still paid for holidays, clothes and stuff out of my savings. She then remarried and took the kids to Spain so I apid for holidays and stuff but not CSA. Now she is back and went straight to them. They know my financial situation and said I could seek an arrangement with her and her partner, but they are not interested and want the cash, even though they know it means I won't be able to take them away and have them so often.

I accept I have to restart the payments but it is annoying when she can jerk me around with contact as much as she likes and that I seemingly have to pay £1300 arrears from 6 years back when I was unemployed.

No justice in this at all.

just amke sure you have proof that you paid these things on the side.....other wise, you could be screwed

I have every single reciept for everything I have ever given her. Pay for their school things ( trips etc ) by cheque and never give her cash, always bank transfer.

But even then... because she hasn't made a CSA claim, they couldn't backdate it.

It's all corrupt though, women get far to much of an easy time when they are single parents.

just amke sure you have proof that you paid these things on the side.....other wise, you could be screwed

does not worlk like that anymore.. claim is only back dated from when csa get in touch with father, my ex refused money from me since april. csa got in touch with me june 17th. and thats when the claim starts

I'm dreading the day my ex-wife wises up to the CSA. I am self employed so my income is up and down, but I have come to an arrangement with the ex, and she gets paid a good amount each month (more than she needs). I also take the boys each morning she works, and drive her to work, which often means leaving my missus in exeter at 5am just to get to hers for 7:30. Luckily the dopey ***** isnt wise to CSA yet, but all hell will break loose if she does, I'll stop being a soft touch for one...

lets hope it does not come to that baj

i had good relationship with my ex and her partner, helped each other out etc. but my ex is bad with money and my current misses let her run up over 1k on her club book.. thats when it all turned sour.

Don't the CSA only get involved when either party makes a claim for benefits ?

yes the csa only get involved if a partner gets in touch with them, although if the womans situation changes and she applies for benefits, then she is pressured to go to csa.... as any payment will reduce the benefits she gets.. ( even if their is a private agreement)

You have to be one special type of barsteward to work for the CSA. Frustrated traffic wardens is what I liken them to.

They lie and cover up for each other.

I wouldn't p on one if it was on fire.

And yes, I do pay all mine.

Been there & done it! my ex and I had an arrangement via the court, the CSA scrapped that, they then made a mistake & 3 years down the road I had to pay for it. I paid for 9 years, when my lad left collage @ 18 my payments stopped he then moved in with me and he's never worked for 7 years so I am still paying!!!!

4 years down and 12 to go for me. Yes they are c unts but they are pretty stupid/ gullable c unts also. A self employed person should have a field day!

A friend of mine worked for the CSA, the horror stories he came back with regarding the complete incompetance was stagering. They only go after easy money and not after the non payers which was what it was set up for in the 1st place.

A mate of mine was so financially crippled from child support, he was literally working to pay his ex. It was ridiculous. Sadly he took the wrong option and started stealing from his workplace, a little every day, to top up his money. His workplace realised what was happening and monitored it for a couple of months. In the end, they presented the evidence to him, and he held his hands up. He'd taken about £3000. It was a terrible idea, but in his mind it was his only way out. Naturally he left his job.

News like this actually puts me off wanting children a little bit - it certainly makes you think twice and question whether the person you're with is the right one...

A Friend of mine paid for his "son" for 8 years, then did a DNA test and found out he wasn't his. Can he get his payments back, can he feck.

That said though SOG, he was also out of work recently for 6 months and didn't pay during that time. How could anyone be expected to pay when on the dole?

got a feeling this might be another epic thread.

the way the calculation is worked out is also wrong.. rent and morgage are not taken into account, so if you had a high morgage or interest rate went up and made your payments higher... they dont count that or debt repayments...

as stated above they go after the easy targets, the dads already paying

A friend of mine worked for the CSA, the horror stories he came back with regarding the complete incompetance was stagering. They only go after easy money and not after the non payers which was what it was set up for in the 1st place.

That rings true. My wife's friends ex never paid her more than two months in a row. He'd jump job all the time. Then it would take an age for the CSA to find out, via PAYE, that he was working. By the time the attachment of earnings had been set he would be gone.

Those of us who do pay get clobbered all the time.

As an aside, given your ex's new partners salary, that should have some effect on your payments going foward, assuming they're married should it not?

No doubt Dune will be blaming you all for being feckless parents once he's back home at mums.

I've never had any contact with the CSA and pray I never will as I've seen how they crippled fathers I know. One gave up working in the end as the CSA were taking so much money he was going into increasing debt he worked out that he'd be better off not working.

Crazy world.

Good luck to all those who are being screwed by ex-wives but still wish to support their kids.

A Friend of mine paid for his "son" for 8 years, then did a DNA test and found out he wasn't his. Can he get his payments back, can he feck.

 

That said though SOG, he was also out of work recently for 6 months and didn't pay during that time. How could anyone be expected to pay when on the dole?

The most that the CSA can claim from your JSA is £5 per week. They will set the process up where the DWP pays it direct to the CSA (Yes, the DWP again). Be aware that if you stop payng because you're unemployed you will have to make that back payment, after first proving that you were out of work.

As an aside, given your ex's new partners salary, that should have some effect on your payments going foward, assuming they're married should it not?

No effect in the slightest, nor does it affect the other way.

my mate was told last month that he has to pay his current missus money because they split up for a period of 6 months over 4 years ago! totaly insane system! he's already paying arrears for his son from 1st marriage that have financialy crippled him for the foreseeable future. was told after the taxman they are next in line to get money from you?

There are many unfair issues. They don't take into account the income of my ex and her new partner. In fact even though he married her he is not liable to look after the children financially!!! Go figure.

If you are not working they can still take some money from your jobseekers allowance.

I appreciate the repsonses guys. It is good to know I am not the only one being turned over. I think you are right, they go after the soft targets and leave the "runners" alone.

There are many unfair issues. They don't take into account the income of my ex and her new partner. In fact even though he married her he is not liable to look after the children financially!!! Go figure.

If you are not working they can still take some money from your jobseekers allowance.

 

I appreciate the repsonses guys. It is good to know I am not the only one being turned over. I think you are right, they go after the soft targets and leave the "runners" alone.

From the other side of the fence, I'd say that it's fair enough that your ex-wife's new husband doesn't have any financial responsibility for your children. My second husband didn't for the children of my first marriage. Having said that, he was the one who provided a roof over their heads and paid for our holidays etc.

I think being a father (or mother for that matter) is a life-long commitment for which we pay emotionally and financially. It actually worked out to our advantage as, when my children were going to University, their step-father's income wasn't taken into account and this meant they got full maintenance grants as my salary alone was used for reckoning and was meagre.

I do think some fathers are treated very unfairly. I also think some mothers suffer a lot because their children's fathers wriggle out of paying what they should.

They really are a useless bunch!

I was unfortunate enough to be left in the financial mire by my ex (she stopped paying the mortgage so i had to clear arrears, she ran up huge bills on our c/cards etc) and last year I had no choice but to declare myself bankrupt. When you do this HMRC give you a nil tax code for the year and you pay the difference to the official receiver. Imagine my suprise and bewilderment when the CSA, who ONLY take account of your net income, tax and NI, said that i then had MORE disposable income and put my payments up an EXTRA £200!!!! Their response... thats the rules so tough!!! Try writing to your MP!!!

They are a joke!

It actually worked out to our advantage as, when my children were going to University, their step-father's income wasn't taken into account and this meant they got full maintenance grants

 

Good to see my tax payments going to a good home ;-)

Don't even get me started on the CSA and the ex.

CSA could not get it right in 6 months of trying in my case.

Originally my ex did not want the CSA involved so much so we drew up the financial arangement at a solicitors,within one month her financial situation changed,she was due to move in with her new fella in Andover,he was pretty wealthy and that was/is her motivation,money...well she is a bank manager!!!!

She had to put the move on hold so she wanted more money to pay the mortgaged of our old house,which i signed over to her so that our son had some stability!

The CSA constantly got my details wrong hence i paid her the fixed some directly,which was only £4 more than she was getting before their involvement,but the CSA sent appalling letters to say i was defaulting even though it was their mistakes.

She is now moving in August,i will see him even less than i am now,every other weekend and every Wednesday at the mo,i will have to collect him after work on a friday night and drop him back sunday afternoon.

She made it clear she could claim more cash as i am having him less,which really rubs salt in the wound.Luckily i have been involved with the new school selection and i have spoken to the headmaster so that he knows i want/need to be involved throughout.

I have had a great rapport with his old school,she didnt go to his sportsday or any of his recent events due to work commitments which disgusts me.

Fathers that want so much to be involved really don't stand a chance,we are marginalised straight away.

If Fathers for justice were still active i would be banging their door down to join/assisst and protest at the treatment of some fathers.

All i can do is love my little boy,show him support,encouragement and guidance,and hope he realises one day that it is all virtually out of my control,but i tried my damndest to be there for him in every way.

I am going to struggle when he moves away,he states he does not want to move but i just have to reasure him that all will be well,which i find hard when fighting back the tears.

He just needs stability and be blissfully unaware of whats going on behind the scenes,imo.

From the other side of the fence, I'd say that it's fair enough that your ex-wife's new husband doesn't have any financial responsibility for your children. My second husband didn't for the children of my first marriage. Having said that, he was the one who provided a roof over their heads and paid for our holidays etc.

 

I think being a father (or mother for that matter) is a life-long commitment for which we pay emotionally and financially. It actually worked out to our advantage as, when my children were going to University, their step-father's income wasn't taken into account and this meant they got full maintenance grants as my salary alone was used for reckoning and was meagre.

 

I do think some fathers are treated very unfairly. I also think some mothers suffer a lot because their children's fathers wriggle out of paying what they should.

My partner's ex thinks that the maintenance is for fun only. Last year when I was made redundant and we cut back on spending he got a **** on because his daughter needed more pocket money from him. He didn't think to ask about how we had managed to feed, clothe, care etc for her as well as provide her with luxury items like a PC before being made redundant!

Don't even get me started on the CSA and the ex.

CSA could not get it right in 6 months of trying in my case.

Originally my ex did not want the CSA involved so much so we drew up the financial arangement at a solicitors,within one month her financial situation changed,she was due to move in with her new fella in Andover,he was pretty wealthy and that was/is her motivation,money...well she is a bank manager!!!!

She had to put the move on hold so she wanted more money to pay the mortgaged of our old house,which i signed over to her so that our son had some stability!

The CSA constantly got my details wrong hence i paid her the fixed some directly,which was only £4 more than she was getting before their involvement,but the CSA sent appalling letters to say i was defaulting even though it was their mistakes.

She is now moving in August,i will see him even less than i am now,every other weekend and every Wednesday at the mo,i will have to collect him after work on a friday night and drop him back sunday afternoon.

She made it clear she could claim more cash as i am having him less,which really rubs salt in the wound.Luckily i have been involved with the new school selection and i have spoken to the headmaster so that he knows i want/need to be involved throughout.

I have had a great rapport with his old school,she didnt go to his sportsday or any of his recent events due to work commitments which disgusts me.

Fathers that want so much to be involved really don't stand a chance,we are marginalised straight away.

If Fathers for justice were still active i would be banging their door down to join/assisst and protest at the treatment of some fathers.

All i can do is love my little boy,show him support,encouragement and guidance,and hope he realises one day that it is all virtually out of my control,but i tried my damndest to be there for him in every way.

I am going to struggle when he moves away,he states he does not want to move but i just have to reasure him that all will be well,which i find hard when fighting back the tears.

He just needs stability and be blissfully unaware of whats going on behind the scenes,imo.

Every other weekend? Staying with you for two nights at a time? Does he also stay on a Wednesday?

Add up the nights he stays over in a year because if it's 52 or more then you can go here to see if that has an effect on your payments.

Good to see my tax payments going to a good home ;-)

Be thankful! The large amount of tax my son, particularly, pays now will more than fund your medical needs in your old age. He probably wouldn't be paying as much had he not gone to University - so thankyou for your kind investment in your future

Be thankful! The large amount of tax my son, particularly, pays now will more than fund your medical needs in your old age. He probably wouldn't be paying as much had he not gone to University - so thankyou for your kind investment in your future

My pleasure. I like to do my bit for the big society :-)

St Lard I was so sorry to read your post - you poor man. How old is your son? I know you'll keep in touch with him but do hang in there. I'll tell you why.

A friend of mine had a ***** of a wife. She kicked him out and then he paid a small fortune, not only for the children's maintenance, but also the mortgage so his children had the stability you talk of. Even though the children were of school age, she resolutely refused to go out to work to pay her share of the cost of the mortgage and upkeep.

She's dragged the divorce out for 10 years (yes 10!!!!) but finally it's happening. However, she's decided to go to Australia. My friend is in bits - he's a brilliant dad and does such a lot for those children. However, as his daughter is 17 and his son is 13, he's been told that they will have a significant say in where they live. Of course, he has no house of his own and rents a small studio flat so he'd struggle to house them if they chose to stay with him. As it stands, the daughter wants to live with him whereas the son doesn't want to hurt anyone so is in a really confused state right now.

Keep in touch with your son - and when he's old enough, he can make the same choice.

I will now only have him every other Friday and Saturday night as he will have school in Andover on a monday and a thursday,hence i no longer will be able to have him every Wednesday.

So in saying that i know she could claim more money from me due to me having him less overnight stays over a year.So i get penalised twice,see him less and pay more.

Yes i know the money is for him and i tried to make sure it goes to things for him.

I opened up a bank account for him and i persuaded her to let the money go into that account,however as soon as it goes into that account she does a bank transfer of the whole sum into her own account.I know she could save a litlle of it and leave it for him in his account.

Today we had a wonderful time together,went and saw toy story 3,which he was desperate to see,bought him over £55 of new cloths,new shoes,oh and the odd treat/toy

Over the next 2 weeks we will have a great time as i have him throughout,we will go to the IOW for a few days,paultons park and lots of other things planned,these things costs money....who will subsidise me to do these things?

TBH,the money is just money in the end,but......

BTF,thanks for you kind words, and you, aswell as others do say that when the little'uns grow up they realise what has happened and make informed choices about what has happened in the past,i'm pretty sure Thomas has noticed that his mother has not appeared at various important times thus far.

And to be clear i only ever praise his mum when talking to him,however much it is through gritted teeth.The worse thing to do is to hate your ex more than you love your child.

to be honest..you should be exempt from CSA if you are not allowed to see your kids at the choice of the other half

....

 

I opened up a bank account for him and i persuaded her to let the money go into that account,however as soon as it goes into that account she does a bank transfer of the whole sum into her own account.I know she could save a litlle of it and leave it for him in his account.

......

Hey that's wrong! If she's a bank manager, she, of all people, should know not to do that! Is the account in his name / in a trust account? See if you can't organise something so that she can't access it.

to be honest..you should be exempt from CSA if you are not allowed to see your kids at the choice of the other half

All well and good TDD but what do you do about situations where, perhaps, the absent parent is, say, an alcoholic or a drug user or just plain violent? You can understand the parent that the child's living with not wanting the absent parent to have access, surely?

If you're the parents of a child, you have joint financial responsibility. How that's attributed is for the law to decide. You can't use a child as a bargaining tool IMO. If you love the child you'll do whatever you can, emotionally and financially, whether or not you're allowed access. The child comes first.

Well, that's what I think - as a mother.

All well and good TDD but what do you do about situations where, perhaps, the absent parent is, say, an alcoholic or a drug user or just plain violent? You can understand the parent that the child's living with not wanting the absent parent to have access, surely?

 

If you're the parents of a child, you have joint financial responsibility. How that's attributed is for the law to decide. You can't use a child as a bargaining tool IMO. If you love the child you'll do whatever you can, emotionally and financially, whether or not you're allowed access. The child comes first.

 

Well, that's what I think - as a mother.

I dont care...evenm courts say you can have access and you are a normal working bloke and the other person still refuses you access..and you happen not to be a violent **** head...you should not have to pay...simple as that and cases like that are all too common..

most people are not violent addicts..most people want to be part of their kids lives....no doubt you will dismiss that or say what if....the laws and rules right now are very very wrong

I used to, then I was out of work for 3 years so stopped, although I still paid for holidays, clothes and stuff out of my savings. She then remarried and took the kids to Spain so I apid for holidays and stuff but not CSA. Now she is back and went straight to them. They know my financial situation and said I could seek an arrangement with her and her partner, but they are not interested and want the cash, even though they know it means I won't be able to take them away and have them so often.

 

I accept I have to restart the payments but it is annoying when she can jerk me around with contact as much as she likes and that I seemingly have to pay £1300 arrears from 6 years back when I was unemployed.

 

No justice in this at all.

so because you were unemployed,your kids cost your ex nothing in food/clothing/heating/school trips/sports clubs etc at the time???

and just because her new husband is minted doesn't mean you have the right not to pay for them.....they're YOUR kids ,not his!!

agree with you on the access issue, and you have my sympathies,truly, but maybe you could ask for some sort of compromise?? appeal to her better nature (if she has one)...perhaps put the money into a trust fund for when they're older?

I dont care...evenm courts say you can have access and you are a normal working bloke and the other person still refuses you access..and you happen not to be a violent **** head...you should not have to pay...simple as that and cases like that are all too common..

 

most people are not violent addicts..most people want to be part of their kids lives....no doubt you will dismiss that or say what if....the laws and rules right now are very very wrong

I think they're unfairly biased towards mothers in most cases. But back to my salient point - if you love your child, you'll do whatever you can, even if you don't have access. It's not fair on the child to use it as a bargaining tool.