Home & Heart

http://www.saintsfc.co.uk/news/article/17032014-home-heart-stories-1427713.aspx

Have you guise sent ur stories in? 100s of you have apparently! I'm gonna write mine now & I dare say it will be full of sex & intrigue! A real page turner!

If you like u can post ur stories here so we can criticise ur grammar etc pls

http://www.saintsfc.co.uk/news/article/17032014-home-heart-stories-1427713.aspx

 

Have you guise sent ur stories in? 100s of you have apparently! I'm gonna write mine now & I dare say it will be full of sex & intrigue! A real page turner!

 

If you like u can post ur stories here so we can criticise ur grammar etc pls

Sex and intrigue? Are you Alan Pardew?

Sex and intrigue? Are you Alan Pardew?

your username- oh the irony lol

i cba to do one tbh :/ i probs should especially when theres a free season ticket going.

I did. I was too truthful. It included the huge poo I had in the outdoor toilets near the Megastore that blocked the toilet and had other Saints fans cursing the timing of their toiletry needs. Not really

Dear Kathy Leibherrs,

I started going to Saints games with my dad, which I suppose is something I have in common with 1000s of other fans. I mean not that they went with my dad, they probably went with their own dads. If my dad fathered 1000s of other saints fans in addition to myself, he always kept it quiet. Worried about child support probably.

He was a black guy, my dad, and known locally for his massive afro haircut which, for some reason, he always dyed bright green. "Woody" they used to call him because he looked like a great oak in summertime. He always felt safe at the dell tho, even in football's blackest days (or whitest days depending how you look at it) no-one ever gave him grief at Southampton. He used to say if he wanted to eat a banana at the dell he would generally have to bring his own.

He was a big saints fan though! My dad knew absolutely everything there is to know about Southampton. What colours they play in, how many European Cups they had won, anything you'd care to mention. He just really loved the saints. Always. He used to say, there is nothing that will ever stop me going to St Mary's.

My dad died in 2004. He had been saying for years, "If that useless plank Lundekvam ever scores a f*cking goal I'll jump in the river itchen." That of course happened vs Wolves 3rd April 2004. I was with him at the time, I tried to stop him but he took a nose dive off the Itchen bridge. I threw what i thought was a white life buoy after him but it turned out to be a tonne bag of ballast which got entangled around the yellow bulb of his penis and dragged him to his watery grave.

I might have turned my back on the saints at that time. I was quite upset. However saints are a club that cares for its community and they very quickly decided to redesign the club badge in memorium to my father. When I look at it now, when I see my father and his green Afro drowning in the itchen with a tonne bag tied to the bulb of his penis I feel, not pride exactly, but something close to it. I feel respect.

Yours,

Brian Earsy

Saints Fan

In memorium Clive Earsy 1966-2004 RIP

Thank you Brian. You have just reminded me why I keep logging onto this forum

*crying* ... Shift+R improves the quality of this image. Shift+A improves the quality of all images on this page.

No probs, I would genuine be interest to read stories bout u & my other saintsweb bros! You can even make them more plausible if you like!

Dear Kathy Leibherrs,

 

I started going to Saints games with my dad, which I suppose is something I have in common with 1000s of other fans. I mean not that they went with my dad, they probably went with their own dads. If my dad fathered 1000s of other saints fans in addition to myself, he always kept it quiet. Worried about child support probably.

 

He was a black guy, my dad, and known locally for his massive afro haircut which, for some reason, he always dyed bright green. "Woody" they used to call him because he looked like a great oak in summertime. He always felt safe at the dell tho, even in football's blackest days (or whitest days depending how you look at it) no-one ever gave him grief at Southampton. He used to say if he wanted to eat a banana at the dell he would generally have to bring his own.

 

He was a big saints fan though! My dad knew absolutely everything there is to know about Southampton. What colours they play in, how many European Cups they had won, anything you'd care to mention. He just really loved the saints. Always. He used to say, there is nothing that will ever stop me going to St Mary's.

 

My dad died in 2004. He had been saying for years, "If that useless plank Lundekvam ever scores a f*cking goal I'll jump in the river itchen." That of course happened vs Wolves 3rd April 2004. I was with him at the time, I tried to stop him but he took a nose dive off the Itchen bridge. I threw what i thought was a white life buoy after him but it turned out to be a tonne bag of ballast which got entangled around the yellow bulb of his penis and dragged him to his watery grave.

 

I might have turned my back on the saints at that time. I was quite upset. However saints are a club that cares for its community and they very quickly decided to redesign the club badge in memorium to my father. When I look at it now, when I see my father and his green Afro drowning in the itchen with a tonne bag tied to the bulb of his penis I feel, not pride exactly, but something close to it. I feel respect.

 

Yours,

 

Brian Earsy

Saints Fan

 

In memorium Clive Earsy 1966-2004 RIP

Absolutely incredible

Dear Kathy Leibherrs,

 

I started going to Saints games with my dad, which I suppose is something I have in common with 1000s of other fans. I mean not that they went with my dad, they probably went with their own dads. If my dad fathered 1000s of other saints fans in addition to myself, he always kept it quiet. Worried about child support probably.

 

He was a black guy, my dad, and known locally for his massive afro haircut which, for some reason, he always dyed bright green. "Woody" they used to call him because he looked like a great oak in summertime. He always felt safe at the dell tho, even in football's blackest days (or whitest days depending how you look at it) no-one ever gave him grief at Southampton. He used to say if he wanted to eat a banana at the dell he would generally have to bring his own.

 

He was a big saints fan though! My dad knew absolutely everything there is to know about Southampton. What colours they play in, how many European Cups they had won, anything you'd care to mention. He just really loved the saints. Always. He used to say, there is nothing that will ever stop me going to St Mary's.

 

My dad died in 2004. He had been saying for years, "If that useless plank Lundekvam ever scores a f*cking goal I'll jump in the river itchen." That of course happened vs Wolves 3rd April 2004. I was with him at the time, I tried to stop him but he took a nose dive off the Itchen bridge. I threw what i thought was a white life buoy after him but it turned out to be a tonne bag of ballast which got entangled around the yellow bulb of his penis and dragged him to his watery grave.

 

I might have turned my back on the saints at that time. I was quite upset. However saints are a club that cares for its community and they very quickly decided to redesign the club badge in memorium to my father. When I look at it now, when I see my father and his green Afro drowning in the itchen with a tonne bag tied to the bulb of his penis I feel, not pride exactly, but something close to it. I feel respect.

 

Yours,

 

Brian Earsy

Saints Fan

 

In memorium Clive Earsy 1966-2004 RIP

The season ticket will surely be yours.

RIP Clive.

RIP Woody.

Dear Kathy Leibherrs,

 

I started going to Saints games with my dad, which I suppose is something I have in common with 1000s of other fans. I mean not that they went with my dad, they probably went with their own dads. If my dad fathered 1000s of other saints fans in addition to myself, he always kept it quiet. Worried about child support probably.

 

He was a black guy, my dad, and known locally for his massive afro haircut which, for some reason, he always dyed bright green. "Woody" they used to call him because he looked like a great oak in summertime. He always felt safe at the dell tho, even in football's blackest days (or whitest days depending how you look at it) no-one ever gave him grief at Southampton. He used to say if he wanted to eat a banana at the dell he would generally have to bring his own.

 

He was a big saints fan though! My dad knew absolutely everything there is to know about Southampton. What colours they play in, how many European Cups they had won, anything you'd care to mention. He just really loved the saints. Always. He used to say, there is nothing that will ever stop me going to St Mary's.

 

My dad died in 2004. He had been saying for years, "If that useless plank Lundekvam ever scores a f*cking goal I'll jump in the river itchen." That of course happened vs Wolves 3rd April 2004. I was with him at the time, I tried to stop him but he took a nose dive off the Itchen bridge. I threw what i thought was a white life buoy after him but it turned out to be a tonne bag of ballast which got entangled around the yellow bulb of his penis and dragged him to his watery grave.

 

I might have turned my back on the saints at that time. I was quite upset. However saints are a club that cares for its community and they very quickly decided to redesign the club badge in memorium to my father. When I look at it now, when I see my father and his green Afro drowning in the itchen with a tonne bag tied to the bulb of his penis I feel, not pride exactly, but something close to it. I feel respect.

 

Yours,

 

Brian Earsy

Saints Fan

 

In memorium Clive Earsy 1966-2004 RIP

quality post. really made me laugh.

Please send it on Bearsy. Perhaps they'll read it over the tannoy or write it out on white seats in the Northam?

It's got to be worth a page in the programme.

Please send it on Bearsy. Perhaps they'll read it over the tannoy or write it out on white seats in the Northam?

Nah I couldn't cos of Markus, i wouldn't want Katharina reading jokes bout dead dads. I wouldn't want to make her feel bad, I'm quite sensitive really!

That was quite funny Bear.

As a young apprentice fish slapper barely out of my short trousers I first started supporting the Saints way back in the summer of 1884. I realise now this was silly as I had to wait a whole flipping year before the club played its first game. But times were hard back then and a working man had to take what he could get. For the next three years come rain or avalanche I never missed a single game until that time I had to flee to the Outer Hebrides disguised as a Rear Admiral in the Peruvian Navy because of that 'Jack the Ripper' business.

On my return I single handedly invented the steam powered internet in the hope that I might be able to contact my fellow Saints fans and regal them with tales of my in-depth football knowledge and sell them rubber goods in the process. I made a small fortune in no time at all and decided to sell up and invest everything in buying the Whelk Concession aboard a new White Star liner that was said to be unsinkable. Thinks were looking up, but I soon hit rock bottom.

But 'there's nowt in this world that can keep a good man down for long' as my old Dad said just before they buried him, so I picked myself up by my boot laces and found work in a Freemantle treacle factory. The work was bloody hard and the pay only twopence ha'penny a month and all the Pile ointment you could eat, but after only thirty years I was able to save enough money to buy myself my own sheet of corrugated iron so that me, Mrs Charlie and our 23 horrible kids had a roof over our heads at last. I'd never had it so good.

So to cut a long story short here I am all these years later still supporting the Saints and still spouting bullsh1t just the same as I've always done. Now someone asked me t'other day if I had my time all over again would I change a single thing, and you know what I said to him?

Too bloody right I would!

Oh sigh I got flushed again! I thought it was gonna be v.main board thread bout emotions + stories bout why people love saints! If I'd known it was gonna get flushed I'd have included more tits!

Sometimes, you know I feel bit persecution. If anyone else started thread bout same subject it wouldn't get flushed. I'm a lot like Jesus, no-one took his main board threads seriously either

As a young apprentice fish slapper

Tks Charlie for taking this thread seriously, ur history ties in pretty much with how I would have imagined! Prob you knew bletch at school? Pls send this in to Big Kat, it will add a touch of class to what I imagine are prob a v.dry set of submissions collected so far!

Oh sigh I got flushed again! I thought it was gonna be v.main board thread bout emotions + stories bout why people love saints! If I'd known it was gonna get flushed I'd have included more tits!

 

Sometimes, you know I feel bit persecution. If anyone else started thread bout same subject it wouldn't get flushed. I'm a lot like Jesus, no-one took his main board threads seriously either

When new mods are inducted into their clandestine brotherhood, they are given three strict instructions - never interrupt Steve Grant, never pass the port to the right, and if in doubt, flush at least one of Bearsy's threads to TMS. The results are there for all to see.

Roger Daltrey, does he?

Oh sorry, wrong thread.

Dear Kathy Leibherrs,

 

I started going to Saints games with my dad, which I suppose is something I have in common with 1000s of other fans. I mean not that they went with my dad, they probably went with their own dads. If my dad fathered 1000s of other saints fans in addition to myself, he always kept it quiet. Worried about child support probably.

 

He was a black guy, my dad, and known locally for his massive afro haircut which, for some reason, he always dyed bright green. "Woody" they used to call him because he looked like a great oak in summertime. He always felt safe at the dell tho, even in football's blackest days (or whitest days depending how you look at it) no-one ever gave him grief at Southampton. He used to say if he wanted to eat a banana at the dell he would generally have to bring his own.

 

He was a big saints fan though! My dad knew absolutely everything there is to know about Southampton. What colours they play in, how many European Cups they had won, anything you'd care to mention. He just really loved the saints. Always. He used to say, there is nothing that will ever stop me going to St Mary's.

 

My dad died in 2004. He had been saying for years, "If that useless plank Lundekvam ever scores a f*cking goal I'll jump in the river itchen." That of course happened vs Wolves 3rd April 2004. I was with him at the time, I tried to stop him but he took a nose dive off the Itchen bridge. I threw what i thought was a white life buoy after him but it turned out to be a tonne bag of ballast which got entangled around the yellow bulb of his penis and dragged him to his watery grave.

 

I might have turned my back on the saints at that time. I was quite upset. However saints are a club that cares for its community and they very quickly decided to redesign the club badge in memorium to my father. When I look at it now, when I see my father and his green Afro drowning in the itchen with a tonne bag tied to the bulb of his penis I feel, not pride exactly, but something close to it. I feel respect.

 

Yours,

 

Brian Earsy

Saints Fan

 

In memorium Clive Earsy 1966-2004 RIP

Quality, Bear.