Fans as players

Somewhat lighthearted thread here...

Saints sell everyone and need to put together a team from the fan base. What strengths and weaknesses could YOU bring to the SFC first team?

Me? Well I'm 33, but with the heart of a 20 year old. (In that I like booze and fags, nothing Jack Wilshere wouldn't do.) I'm a midfielder. I sit in the middle of the pitch and dictate play. (I literally sit there and yell at the other players.)

How about you?

I'll be in charge of ticket sale! I got pedigree in sales y'know what I mean? Rodders can either be physio as he's generally useless or goalkeeper as he's quite tall

I'll play up front. My record in one season was 40 and that was in just half a season (it wasn't in a women's league).

I'll keep the grass short.

Oh no the9 will be on here shortly telling us his exploits with video links:)

I could be a slow central defender. Never scored an own goal though.

i can paint a straight line.

I'll keep the grass short.

LOL

Well if you wedge me in goal, there is feck all way anyone is going to score

I think we'd be one of the most defensive teams considering the amount of negativity on this board.

I think we'd be one of the most defensive teams considering the amount of negativity on this board.

Greece won the European Championship, could work out OK.

In every team I play for I end up playing right back... I must be really good at it I reckon.

I think our strikers would find space very easily given the strong scent of urine emanating from our pants.

Midfield player whose playing style is a mix between David Silva and Scotty Parker

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I used to play CB for my age group, my specialty was giving the striker acres of space to run into by not concentrating and then getting back with a last ditch tackle. Looked good but our keeper used to hate me for it. Mind you, he was 6'7 and had a habit of getting lobbed so I wasn't too fond of him either.

I play in Centre Midfield, my best atributes are running(jogging) about a bit and I am really good at pointing at stuff whilst on the pitch and having good hair.

nice try jack, but ur still getting sold

I play in Centre Midfield, my best atributes are running(jogging) about a bit and I am really good at pointing at stuff whilst on the pitch and having good hair.

You've got my vote for Skipper.

I used to be left back and/or centre back. 6ft3, 15st 8lbs, as quick as a slow thing but used to read the game well and had a big kick.

Left back. Little bit fat nowadays and my prime was losing 0-8 against Reading in their promotion season. Glen Little had me in his pocket...

Still playing the ball, not the man.

Left footed CB who would make Jos look like Kompany.

Strewth - we have a surfeit of LB/CBs.

Target man striker in the Duncan Ferguson mould, just with being a bit of a pussy. Both footed though and can do some nifty tricks. Can't run far.

Left wing, fullback or wingback so would fit in with RK's tactics. Played county level and have one FA cup appearance! Only one issue, I'd only be able last about 20 minutes.

Left wing, fullback or wingback so would fit in with RK's tactics. Played county level and have one FA cup appearance! Only one issue, I'd only be able last about 20 minutes.

I think your user name might suggest you might have more important things to offer than your playing ability.

I remember my best game, as right back (I can see we have a Clyne/Chambers conundrum here). After a night on the ale, and involving some speed, I let go an horrific fart whilst defending a corner. I swear the attackers couldn't keep their balance!. Did a Puncheon just before half time and came back after the break full of chemically induced supa-energy.

Won the game as a direct result of my great defending! So, I'll challenge JN9 for that spot. Mind you I realise, sadly, it was more than a quarter of a century ago.

I'm a 33 year old centre half and getting slower by the day. I've had two trials with Saintsweb, neither of which resulted in a win so I could fit the Jos mould comfortably.

My playing days are I we but I could referee it if you like

I'm 65, deaf, fat and almost blind so I'm ideally qualified.

I remember my best game, as right back (I can see we have a Clyne/Chambers conundrum here). After a night on the ale, and involving some speed, I let go an horrific fart whilst defending a corner. I swear the attackers couldn't keep their balance!. Did a Puncheon just before half time and came back after the break full of chemically induced supa-energy.

 

Won the game as a direct result of my great defending! So, I'll challenge JN9 for that spot. Mind you I realise, sadly, it was more than a quarter of a century ago.

Bring it on old man! Although it may be worth noting that I am convinced that my skills are better used in the oppositions half so after a while I think I'm Dani Alves and start making (impressive) roving runs forward. Of course I'm too slow to get back when the opposition have inevitably hoofed it back in the general direction I have just come from. May as well stick 3 at the back and let me play the free role that (in my head) I play so well.

My playing days are I we but I could referee it if you like

 

I'm 65, deaf, fat and almost blind so I'm ideally qualified.

Too much French red Whitey?

About 10 years and 9 stone ago I was briefly glimpsed in a video someone did of the Saints forever Fleming park Sunday meet ups so if there is youtube evidence of my talents, i must be good.

6' 1 who has changed over the years from center forward, to center midfield, and now plays center back. Never miss or lose a header and loves a good tackle, speed not brilliant anymore, but football brain overrides fitness. Never missed a penalty in 18 years, and can drop a pass from 80 yards in your pocket.

CM, will pass the ball sideways or backwards 9 out of 10 times, cant tackle and will drift out of position and if the opponents have a big striker they will outmuscle me easily.

Even though that I will be very popular here and selected MOTM over and over again and be talked up as I was good enough for England. (not that hard, granted)

At 29 with 7 years of desk work ravaging any figure I may have once had, my pace gone, I will play anywhere in the midfield and gladly take a red for scissor kicking an opposing player. Rough and Tumble Ronnie tells me who and that guy has a size 12 (US) boot in his abdomen. I will also be the one to berate the ref with four letter words and have pictures of his kids ready so I can threaten him. Think of me as the Midfield Enforcer.

Too much French red Whitey?

or not enough?

That and Spanish over the last three weeks. Have I missed anything???

or not enough?

 

That and Spanish over the last three weeks. Have I missed anything???

Only me being chastised for poor grammar

Generally a ****-poor footballer but can run, put strikers off, and deliver a hefty barge despite my slight frame.

Blimey, we have a lot of left footers.

I'm a left midfielder, in the process of being transferred to a CAM role. Proponent of playing a high line (but only if my teammates put the same effort in). Best utilised in a squad that plays one-touch football but enjoy running at opposition full backs and can swing a cross in. Decent enough tackler from my time at left back. Gradually losing pace, not strong enough and I'm far too prone to crumbling under opposition pressure. Also have something of a temper...

Special ability: people seem to assume I'm younger than I am.

Also, reading this back I realise I've had similar positional transitions to Gareth Bale. Sadly that's where the comparisons end.

A right footed genius. Can play on the wing, but prefer to operate in attacking midfield. Known for my pin point passing and long-range blockbusters.

A life of booze and takeaways has meant that I've never been able to fulfil my potential.

My mate wants in. He's got a potent tackle. (He's reared 4 kids.)

Goalie in my youth - today Goalie coach for the Local ladies team. So I can train myself to save some cash : ) got both armed covered in ink so I even look like a pro footballer - ok a bit fatter then a pro footballer but still I'm in : )

Formally a speedy winger on either flank, I've now swapped wing play for a lazy AMC who can pick a pass and score goals.

Think Luis Figo in his later years (but with less hair).

I could be the player with the beard. I can't play for poo, but I could make myself useful joining in goal celebrations. I could do all the hugging and kissing.

I'd love to play up front for this team, just thinking of all those perfectly weighted passes, devastatingly accurate whipped in crosses, and perfect decision making and link-up play from the forum experts playing in midfield.

Used to do a bit of scoring at cricket (filling in the scoring book, not on the pitch), so I 'm sure I could do the same at St Marys.

if we needed a manager then i do have a bit of experience from the Forum games. 50% win , the loss was a travesty after Dubai brought on a sub without the refs permission. Fordy (wheres he these days?) pretty decent player. He changed the game, although the clicking of his knees put us off thinking there was someone in the crowd with some maracas

Questionable fitness so would have to do a Lallana and only play for 70 minutes, but I have pace, am right-footed but can attack on either side and shots from range are my speciality.

At 24, I'm still to reach my prime.

Questionable fitness so would have to do a Lallana and only play for 70 minutes, but I have pace, am right-footed but can attack on either side and shots from range are my speciality.

 

At 24, I'm still to reach my prime.

Former goalie (because I was too lazy to run) but at 5'9" had a few problems with crosses, although I made up for that by putting my body in places it shouldn't have gone, suffered at the time with teeth knocked out, bone breakages and lots of stitches, and suffering now 10 years after "retiring" (dropped) with an arthritic knee & a knackered back.

Career highlights:

1) losing 12-0 , would've been 30 without me & then being asked by a spectating manager if I wanted to play for a Hampshire League team he managed, I turned him down as it would've meant going training. There was no way that was going to happen .

2) on one as my rare outings as a marauding (ie out of position) central midfielder for our 2nd team in the Commercial House league I scored from a volley & a diving header.