Prince Philip 'retires'

Some career highlights...

To a Scottish driving instructor in Oban

"How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”

To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes

"You look like you’re ready for bed!"

To a group of British exchange students living in China

"If you stay here much longer you'll all be slitty–eyed."

To a British tourist in Hungary

"You can't have been here that long — you haven't got a pot belly."

To a British student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea

"You managed not to get eaten then?"

To Australian Aborigines during a visit to Australia

"Do you still throw spears at each other?”

To a young fashion designer

"You didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard."

To a 13-year-old on a visit to a space shuttle

"Well, you'll never fly in it, you're too fat to be an astronaut."

To a group of deaf children standing by a Caribbean steel band in Cardiff

"If you're near that music it's no wonder you're deaf".

On seeing an exhibition of "primitive" Ethiopian art

"It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons."

On the recession

"Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed."

On banning firearms after the Dunblane massacre

"If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?”

I hope I don't have to work until I'm 95.

As if he's ever done a days work in his life.

As if he's ever done a days work in his life.

I 'd rather work at what I do than spend my days in dull projects shaking hands

When he isn't shaking hands he spends his time on here slagging off foreigners under the name of Sour Mash.

As if he's ever done a days work in his life.

In fairness, whatever you think of Royal "work", he did fight in WWII.

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Is he not the funniest man alive? Not just me at genuinely laughed out loud at some of those?

Saw all the reports of an emergency meeting and a bunch of people on Twitter saying he'd popped his clogs. Not sure why this announcement needed an 'emergency' meeting anyway.

Personally I think the idea that the head of state and their consort should work to death is outdated, surely they should be allowed to retire like the rest of us. Give Charlie a go, he's got to be the worlds oldest work experience boy.

Is he not the funniest man alive? Not just me at genuinely laughed out loud at some of those?

Yep, one of my favourites was on seeing a badly fitted electric socket; "looks like it was put in by an Indian."

Is he not the funniest man alive? Not just me at genuinely laughed out loud at some of those?

Funny? He is the Royal equivalent to Mrs Brown. He is an embarrassing old duffer who gets away with it because he used to **** the monarch.

I suppose it's better than being an embarrassing old duffer that didn't.

I suppose it's better than being an embarrassing old duffer that didn't.

Wes isnt all bad.

Is he not the funniest man alive? Not just me at genuinely laughed out loud at some of those?

Me too, proper sense of humour, proper bantz, he's the original #Archbishopofbanterbury #PrinceBantz

I was looking forward to him insulting Trump.