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Which current or ex Saint would you hire to the following roles within the club, and why?

Academy Manager

Our best spell in the Academy coincided with Georges Prost in this role, so I am going to appoint another Frenchman, Leandre Griffit. He had one good moment in a Saints shirt and then faded into obscurity so would be well placed to guide the nippers through what 90% of them will experience. If there is enough budget he can have Yoann Folly as his assistant - he always seems to be looking for a job.

Ticket Office Manager

The final two candidates were Dan Harding who just has the look of a call center manager, and Claude Puel. In the end, Puel gets the nod. Ticketing is always a shit show at Saints so limiting yourself to two or three stock phrases no matter what you are asked is a positive. Lots of possibilities but little enjoyment to be had in this role.

Commercial Manager

A few candidates were considered for this. Stuart Armstrong has a law degree so must be clever and a candidate for a job wearing a suit. Imants Bleidelis has the Baltics market in the palm of his hand. Chung Lee can get us to be a force in Japan after his goal in the Asian Cup final and Emmanuel Mayuka has opened up new opportunities playing for Green Buffaloes in Zambia. Jhon Viafara has a strong network but is currently busy. In the end its hard to look beyond Mario Lemina. Ability to make creatively awful hastags? Check. Ability to persevere with them? Check. Attention to factual accuracy & due dilligence? Check. #welcomebacktoniclad

Canteen Gaffer

He always needed everything putting on a plate for him so he should have learned what is required for this job. Now that the best finisher in the world, Charlie Austin, is errr, finished, he should be brought back to stand around doing fuck all whilst his lackies serve yoghurt to Michael Obafemi and Shane Long.

Head of Security

Lots of interest here. Osvaldo was preferred candidate but went AWOL between interviews. Paul Wotton didnt want to leave Devon and Mark Hughes is still too raw. He might be 61 now but Terry Hurlock gets the nod and also a place on the bench at Burnley.

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Had a quick look last night and thought too much effort but now I am working the company can pay for me to reply ;-)

Which current or ex Saint would you hire to the following roles within the club, and why?

Academy Manager

I would put in Wayne Bridge as academy manager - he can talk up the pitfalls of professional live, money, agents, your team mates shagging your girlfriend and use his jungle survival experiences to keep their feet on the ground.

Ticket Office Manager

Paul Telfer - Great man manager - can chat to our fans in the pubs and bars and has the common man touch needed to deal with customer service.

Commercial Manager

Easy choice - Barry Venison - bazza is now a real estate mogul in US taking over non performing mortgages so is perfectly placed to understand Gao's money issues and how to work around it.

Canteen Gaffer

Neil Shipperly - he believes in tasting everything he cooks and will make sure no one else jacks off into the food.

Head of Security

Ulrich Van Gobbel - no explanation necessary

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