"First up! Mike Newell might as well have told Tommy Forecast to "**** off, and don't come back!" with the news that the Mariners have signed "highly-rated S****horpe United goalkeeper Josh Lillis on a one-month loan". Before you go "I say young man, hang on! Wasn't Tommy Forecast an England keeper in the making or summat?", Cod Almighty's scouts have actually seen Lillis in action at the end of last season and reckoned he was "nifty". Does that assure you, reader? Does it? Does that assure you, Messrs Widdowson, Atkinson, Bennett, and Stockdale? Does it? Good. Because if you're rubbish on Saturday there's no rubbish goalkeeper excuse now."
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