Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Cant be arsed to go to the doctors so I think if we put our collective TMS medical knowledge together, we can probably diagnose a few illnesses! Ill start with my recent unwellness. I seem to always have that 'metalic' taste which you get in the pit of your stomach when you're really hungry, except im not hungry. When it comes to eating, I cant seem to eat the amount I normally eat and feel quite sick if I eat my normal amount. I seem to feel like a really want to burp sometimes and have had no problems with this before, yet I cant burp unless I swallow air and make myself burp, but I can only dispell the air I have swallowed thus rendering the 'make yourself burp technique' redundant. I have eaten about 15 grapes a plum, a ham and tomato sarny 2 bags of 'walkers baked' crisps and some weetabix with honey on top today, yet my stomach is making very loud noises, to the point where I think people six feet or so away can hear. And it sounds like farts too so im getting funny looks. What could it be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baj Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Eat some actimal or a probiotic yogurt, thatll fix it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BadgerBadger Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Stick a dildo up you're backside - works for me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CabbageFace Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Aids or Bowell Cancer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jillyanne Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Aids or Bowell Cancer. Sure to make a full recovery then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 11 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Eat some actimal or a probiotic yogurt, thatll fix it I had an actimal yoghurt earlier and it hasnt done anything. To be fair I ate it before my tummy sounded like a washing machine chewing a whoopee cushion around the same time I ate the fruit. Stick a dildo up you're backside - works for me Each to their own I guess, but I can confirm I will not be trying your remedy's. I would quite happily take the dodgy looks over a bum cucumber. Aids or Bowell Cancer. I was waiting for the Aids comment. I dont have those funny brown marks all over my skin so its not Aids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bridge too far Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Ulcer - for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 11 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Ulcer - for sure. Ulcer?! How come? And how do I get rid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CabbageFace Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Ulcer?! How come? And how do I get rid? Eat 45 litres of Bonjela. How about you go to a Doctors, phone NHS direct or go to drop in place?:smt021 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 11 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Eat 45 litres of Bonjela. How about you go to a Doctors, phone NHS direct or go to drop in place?:smt021 I never take time off work and will only bring myself to go to the doctors if im on the verge of death. Im not really in any physical pain at all and hate people who waste doctors time by going to see them because they sneezed a slightly greener snot that normal. This is why I shall not be frequenting the doctors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CabbageFace Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 I never take time off work and will only bring myself to go to the doctors if im on the verge of death. Im not really in any physical pain at all and hate people who waste doctors time by going to see them because they sneezed a slightly greener snot that normal. This is why I shall not be frequenting the doctors Why not phone NHS direct or go to the drop in centre then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bridge too far Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 Ulcer?! How come? And how do I get rid? You need to see your GP for a Proton Pump Inhibitor (pill). Or try something like Gaviscon or Zantac to start with. If you don't treat a stomach ulcer, it can perforate and that's really not very nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TopGun Posted 11 September, 2008 Share Posted 11 September, 2008 You need to see your GP for a Proton Pump Inhibitor (pill). Or try something like Gaviscon or Zantac to start with. If you don't treat a stomach ulcer, it can perforate and that's really not very nice. I am going to market stomach pills like Gaviscon and stomach medicines like Peptisol (or whatever it is) that taste nice. I will make a fortune. To start with I will mix with tomato sauce and try different things from there. I will need a guineapig obviously. If the guineapig survives he can have 20% of the profits from the subsequent patents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saint boggy Posted 12 September, 2008 Share Posted 12 September, 2008 metallic taste in your mouth and dodgy stomach???? i'm afraid you, sir, are pregnant!!:smt045 give it a couple of weeks n you'll be throwing up like a 12yr old with his dad's bottle of whisky!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 12 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 12 September, 2008 You need to see your GP for a Proton Pump Inhibitor (pill). Or try something like Gaviscon or Zantac to start with. If you don't treat a stomach ulcer, it can perforate and that's really not very nice. How can you be sure its an ulcer though? I have taken a couple of gaviscon and its seems to do the trick for a while! I may try to get an appointment with my doc next week then for this pilly thingy to see if this works! Ta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dark Sotonic Mills Posted 12 September, 2008 Share Posted 12 September, 2008 How can you be sure its an ulcer though? I have taken a couple of gaviscon and its seems to do the trick for a while! I may try to get an appointment with my doc next week then for this pilly thingy to see if this works! Ta It may not be an ulcer just yet but you may be pre-ulcerative with an inflamed stomach lining. Before you see your doctor next week pop into the Chemist and get some Zantac or equivalent to see if that helps. Speak to the pharmacist, they are quite knowledgeable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CabbageFace Posted 12 September, 2008 Share Posted 12 September, 2008 Also stop swallowing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 12 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 12 September, 2008 It may not be an ulcer just yet but you may be pre-ulcerative with an inflamed stomach lining. Before you see your doctor next week pop into the Chemist and get some Zantac or equivalent to see if that helps. Speak to the pharmacist, they are quite knowledgeable. Cheers DSM ill give that a go over the weekend. Just take time off work. You get paid for it. Sick Days = Holiday Im on holiday next week Badly timed illness. And I work for my Dad's company so would feel guilty taking time off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 12 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 12 September, 2008 Also stop swallowing. How else can I get my food and drink into me? You should stop $ucking c*ck though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CabbageFace Posted 12 September, 2008 Share Posted 12 September, 2008 How else can I get my food and drink into me? You should stop $ucking c*ck though Why should i? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 12 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 12 September, 2008 Why should i? Because you use your teeth too much. Come back when you have practised being more gentle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 12 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 12 September, 2008 I havent had a sick day in a month. Will be takeing one next week somewhen Ah, good plannaging. DO you go for the Monday or Friday to make it a long weekend, or plum for the midweek break and take a wednesday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crouchie's Lawyer Posted 12 September, 2008 Author Share Posted 12 September, 2008 I think I shall go for the Friday next week Long weekend, good choice, gives you something to look forward to and also gives you the feeling you're starting the week on a tuesday (as in there are only 4 working days till the weekend!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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