Spudders Posted 16 October, 2013 Share Posted 16 October, 2013 Is this keeping any of you awake? I saw Kelvin Davis at the shops and he's informed me this noise is Milts haunting you all. http://news.sky.com/story/1155293/southampton-mystery-noise-keeps-people-awake An investigation has been launched into a mystery night-time noise that has been plaguing residents for months. People living in the industrial Waterside area of Southampton Water have been driven to distraction by the low-frequency drone that has been keeping them awake. Some have taken to staying overnight at the homes of family and friends to avoid the buzz, while others have reportedly taken tablets to help them sleep through the noise. New Forest District Council is trying to find the cause of the sound, which starts at around 10pm. A spokesman said: "Within the last week we have received approximately 10 complaints relating to a low-frequency noise in the Waterside area. "The complaints refer to the noise similar to that of a low-frequency drone, which has been occurring during the night for several months. "Due to the large amount of heavy industry processes along the Waterside area, the Environment Agency and New Forest District Council environmental health teams are now working together to establish the source of the noise. "Out-of-hours monitoring is to be carried out as part of the investigation." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 This may be caused by by bletch proof reading one of his longer posts. By the time he gets to tokes is a ****, half of the waterfront area has been awoken by a full hour of steady droning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 The council come round my house asking questions but I was like "These are not the drones ur looking for" Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Apparently the mystery had been solved. Heuristics, psychoanalysis, psychoaccoustics and Web-trawling spiders have identified that there was a tight correlation between the audible "Drones" and Toke's final pun-laden TSW post of the evening. #groansnotdrones Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Hi bear How's it going? I thought you may have been kidnapped, dragged to a basement, handcuffed to a desk and forced to cook up match scouting reports. You taking time off or still no Internet in te drive through? I've been researching this well overdue concept where you get your haircut by women in suspenders and stuff. I'm thinking of taking it to dragons den and seeing if Duncan is up for investing his kids inheretance in the idea. I'll post pics later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 By the way Toke, who is this poster call Bearsy? I haven't seen him here before. I think there is a poster called Bearsy on the main board and in the lounge, he is quite the celebrity over there; writing humour-free platitudes for the type of poster that inhabits that part of TMS. I have a distant memory that he used to post in TMS a lot, but it's been so long I'm not sure. #bearonapermabanleash Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Yeah right bletch! Mktherfuka has gone commercial on us. Watching him perform for the 'oh bear you're so funny' roar of the mainboard is like watching John Lydon try and sell you country life butter. He didn't even stop by to say hello to spudders as he returned from his comedown. #sellout #whywehashtaggingsuddenly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 #didntyougetthememo? Bear has sold out and is taking The Man's shilling. One of my spies told me that he created a blog where he investigates stuff or whatever. I've read it, and it's as funny as eye cancer. The problem I have is that the "... Investigates" brand was partially created by us here on TMS. Now, I don't have a problem as long as the cheque really is in the post, but he's lied to me before about "coming" and "mouths", so I suspect he's simply turned his back on us. I mean not many people realise that you came up with the 50 Shades idea, you co-wrote Bear's lines and edited it to make it look like the ramblings of a misogynist mentalist going through puberty. Did you get any recognition for that? I don't think so. It's like X-Factor (probably) where they try to spilt up a double act because one has talent and the other is called Toke. #rememberwhereyoucomefrombear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 I get recognition on the safety net board of not 606 bletch. I find bear to be far more honest about a lot of issues over there. I get it, you're Walt, bear is Jesse and I am badger (spud skinny P). You make the **** the pollutes the kids minds and makes then end up sucking dicks but without me and spud, none of that ****s getting sold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 shutup guise! I'm still here! I just can't post v.much cos They is watching me yo. I'm like spudders, i only get to post while cracking one out in the toilets nowadays. I feel like this is constructive dismissal. I might ring claims direct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Seriously though bletch, I'm getting worried about Jesse. There has been an RIP thread on the mainboard for about 24 hours now and he hasn't even been over there to put his foot in it. Is bear banned again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 I actually remind myself of Walter White, bearing in mind that I'm only on episode 5 of season 2. I'm pretty straight-laced, love my family very much, talk about things passionately only to be ignored by most people, I've got a terminal affliction (Tediousness), and I've got 50 plants of Blunt Brothers' Head Cheese growing hydroponically in my loft. Oh, and I also killed Dune (AKA Krazy One Eight). #thinkaboutittoke Yeah, Bear is either banned again or his account has been hacked. Like you, he just can't resist laughing at people's funerals. So if he's ignoring Obit-posts, he's not logging in. It's as simple as that. You are badger BTW. #nobreakingbadspoilersplease Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Spudgun is like Breaking Bad character Tuco cos you think he dies in series two but then he comes back as a different name and ends up raping walter white (bletch) in series 4 episode 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 17 October, 2013 Author Share Posted 17 October, 2013 I saw bear online a couple days ago, but not since then, I miss him since my return! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Yeah Toke, the Bear is definitely banned again. There's no way he would have been able to resist spoiling Breaking Bad for me. He'd have posted straight away if he was still around. Shame, because when he was using the material that you wrote for him, he was quite funny. #cbfryistuco Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pap Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 #cbfryistuco #ifthatwereremotelytrue .... He'd be out whacking people in real life instead of being a reaction (chemical or otherwise) on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Egg Sorry bletch. you won't know this yet but he is the main link between Walt, the DEA and the North Korean embassy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 omg this is hilarious i think some of u guise has accident got me on ignore! Dumb guise! Can someone who is not got me on ignore quote this post so the dumb guise is knowing what they is done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 17 October, 2013 Share Posted 17 October, 2013 I actually remind myself of Walter White, yep, I can see that. I'm going to look for bear on 606. He sometimes goes fishing for main-board approval over there. Maybe they've seen something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 17 October, 2013 Author Share Posted 17 October, 2013 Tokyo, if he's not there, try mumsnet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 Toke, Spudders, I spotted the Bear this weekend. I was sitting in the park whilst trawling "bearsyinvestigates" on my phone, looking for his Manchester Utd scouting report. I had just discovered that his 'Blog hadn't been updated since Swansea, when I noticed that a crowd of small children had gathered and was staring askance at something a few metres away. When I walked over, I saw this. It was quite sad really. He was sat there with that a look of resigned ennui, drooling and staring at the young children whilst rhythmically attempting to "zip-up the invisible cardigan". A large crowd gathered after a while, and the police eventually came, as, I'm sorry to report, did the Bear. He was so determined, nothing was going to stop him reaching the vinegar stroke. As the Bear was taken away by the police, I noticed that he took his, by now, flaccid member and dunked it into a plastic, Ikea beaker. A really odd thing to do. I guess this goes some way to explain his disappearance from TMS as well as the lack of a Manchester Utd scouting report. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 It was a sad sight bletch but that's what happens if you fly too close to the sun and dump your less talented but vital partner. Look at George Michael! it's only a matter of time before bear is caught (again) in a Hampstead toilet, kebab in one hand, cock in the other while trying to hum let's go outside and smoke a spliff at the same time. Fame is a vicious beast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilippineSaint Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 So is it the Bear sleeping rough or crapping in the woods on the Waterside causing the noise ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 21 October, 2013 Author Share Posted 21 October, 2013 I didn't think anyone could hear bear crapping in the woods so it can't be that! More likely to hear bear fapping in the woods! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spudders Posted 21 October, 2013 Author Share Posted 21 October, 2013 Toke, Spudders, I spotted the Bear this weekend. I was sitting in the park whilst trawling "bearsyinvestigates" on my phone, looking for his Manchester Utd scouting report. I had just discovered that his 'Blog hadn't been updated since Swansea, when I noticed that a crowd of small children had gathered and was staring askance at something a few metres away. When I walked over, I saw this. It was quite sad really. He was sat there with that a look of resigned ennui, drooling and staring at the young children whilst rhythmically attempting to "zip-up the invisible cardigan". A large crowd gathered after a while, and the police eventually came, as, I'm sorry to report, did the Bear. He was so determined, nothing was going to stop him reaching the vinegar stroke. As the Bear was taken away by the police, I noticed that he took his, by now, flaccid member and dunked it into a plastic, Ikea beaker. A really odd thing to do. I guess this goes some way to explain his disappearance from TMS as well as the lack of a Manchester Utd scouting report. I think this might be the funniest thing I've seen in a long time +1 reputations point Bletchy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 I sometimes think it must be v.frustrating being animal. I mean, say ur a dog with paws. It must be v.frustrating when you get boner and haven't got grippable fists to crank ur boner. Imagine what human kind would be like if we didn't have grippable fists! We would be running around dry humping our boners up against chair legs and lamp-posts etc. I mean, even more than normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 Dumb bear! Animals can do stuff like this and this the whole world is their porn hub, they don't need to hump chair legs and stuff. That kind of thing is just done to disrespect you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 hmm. I have seen cats doing that sort of stuff before. People say they is just cleaning their bumhole but i always think the temptation to give urself a suck-job while ur down there must be v.great. I bet they're like, lah-di-dah just cleaning my bumhole perfectly innocent... oops! Accidentally licked my boner! Never mind just accident. Perfectly innocent! Could of happen to anyone. Oops! It happened again hahaha what a silly billy i am! Oh well never mind, just carry on cleaning my bumhole... Ooops! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 My dogs are pretty open about it bear, sucking their own knob, each others knobs, my knob whatever. They are very easy going bout the hole subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bearsy Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 if you is ever needing dog-sitter, let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyo-Saint Posted 21 October, 2013 Share Posted 21 October, 2013 Tuna works best bear. If you were wondering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saintbletch Posted 24 October, 2013 Share Posted 24 October, 2013 Midshipman fish mating calls apparently: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/midshipman-fish-droning-mating-call-2486013 Some interesting facts about the midshipman fish from Wikipedia (I've highlighted the relevant parts for those of you that find reading lots of words a chore): There are three types of midshipman fish: females, type I males, and type II males. Type I and type II males can be distinguished from each other based on physical characteristics. Type I males are eight times larger in body mass, and have much larger vocal organs. Type II males’ reproductive organs are seven times the size of type I males.[2] Female and type II male midshipman fish can be distinguished from each other by the female’s slightly larger size, and the type II male midshipman’s large reproductive organs[3] Speaking as a smug type II male, I've long thought that most of the angry posters in the lounge must be type I males. What type are you muppets? (Note to Toke. There is no Type zero - that's a female) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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