pap

I think we should send the idea in. I'm sure he'll take note of your plight in this thread and come up with a solution. Thing is, he might just hypnotise you into thinking your bum is not itching, when actually, it's just a trick of the mind and your bum really is itching. I mean, could you cope with that notion? Isn't it just papering over the crack, so to speak? I'm not sure you want McKenna to mess with your marbles.

Watched Star Trek VI tonight with Ms pap. It's a genuinely good Star Trek film, right up there with Wrath of Khan and definitely more visually impressive. There is a bit where Kirk gets into a ruckus with a shapeshifter. The shapeshifter quickly assumes Kirk form, so you get to see a Shatner vs Shatner grudge fight. Ends perfectly. None of the original cast should have gone near another film. Unfortunately, Shatner crapped on his own legacy by agreeing to be in Generations. The missus is watching that now.

They're extending the scheme to cover people with disabilities. Guardian

Very pleased to hear that Sainsbury's have pulled out of the scheme. Hopefully, the rest will follow like dominoes. Three weeks ago, the Department of Work and Pensions announced that it planned to massively expand the scheme. This idea is pure insanity. Unemployment is at an all time high, so what does the Government do? Take jobs out of the economy, and make people work for free on pain of benefit removal and eventual eviction from their homes. You don't have to be a genius to figure any of the consequences out. I've witnessed this first hand; Ms pap has been looking for a part-time job for ages, and she's got experience in retail to call on. There is very little out there, and I suspect that the millions of hours of free labour being gifted to major corporations by our Government has something to do with that.

And the saga rolls on. There has been a flurry of activity today after TESCO advertised a night-shift job which was paying Jobseeker's Allowance plus expenses. Telegraph Guardian Independent

I watched a couple of episodes of this. Keep meaning to pick it back up, but it sort of takes a sledgehammer approach to foreshadowing. Do you have any notions about where the mechs might come from?

Ah, c'mon Bearsy. We may be veering slightly off-topic, but the diversion has given me an idea. You know how magicians can pull rabbits out of hats? Well, what if it were possible to pull an itch out of a bumhole? I hear Paul Daniels is available.

Some words just worm your way into your head as soon as you see them. A recent favourite of mine is prestidigitation. However, it took me 6 months of practice to say "specificity" properly, which horrifyingly enough, is a common enough word in my line of work.

I like this word. I looked it up, and shall use it in future conversations. Why use one syllable when four are available? That's my motto anyway. (can anyone think of a word for 'four' that has four syllables? I was thinking quadrilogy, but wasn't sure if that was just some marketing nonsense on the Aliens boxset)

Sir, 2 things:- 1) I am surprised that an intellect like yours would be drawn to this tawdry tale of unresolvable ringpiece irritation. 2) How do you think we should address Bearsy's bumhole brain-teaser?

Re: Why Vulcans were not trying to blow the drill bit out of the sky :- Vulcan Gunner: "It would be illogical to destroy the drill bit if the interests of the plot are to be served" I am ITK.

Yes, the Shatner has risen in my estimation over the years, although I wouldn't let him direct my daughter's wedding video, judging by his vision for Uhura. New Uhura is delectable, although her relationship with Spock in the new film is a bit weird. Are they sleeping together? How do Vulcans get a bone on? Do they, like you, use some kind of external stimulus when going through the motions with the missus? Perhaps a flowchart on an easel, or a holographic lightshow throwing equations about the gaff? I don't know. There are a number of very convenient moments in that new film, I'll give you that.

You can thank Ms pap for that. She dragged me out of the house to see that and I was pleasantly surprised. She did make me watch Star Trek V too, so her form is inconsistent.

I watched Star Trek V last night. The missus is working her way through the Trek films. She's watched Star Trek: The Motion Picture, bless her. Anyways, Star Trek V - The Final Frontier. It is written and directed by William Shatner. Now, as my avatar might indicate, I have a lot of respect for the energy Shatner has put into Kirk, but Bill, what did you do, Bill? In his defence, Paramount didn't give a toss as they were launching TNG, and there are still decent character moments, but the horror. Oh my God, the horror. About halfway through the film, they have to storm an enemy camp. Their plan? Send a bunch of men in their late 50s/early 60s to storm it. But that's not very realistic. So they come up with this little notion to distract their opponents. While watching, I thought "I hope that's not Uhura, I'll be very disappointed if that is Uhura". And guess what? It was Uhura. I've seen it now. I can't unsee it. Star Trek V is shambles of a film which has uniformly poor special effects and relegates the lesser crew members to figures of fun. Does anyone smell Shatner vanity project? That all said, if you truly want to see a dreadful sci-fi film, this comes with my wholehearted recommendation. It really is bad enough to be entertaining.

I can assist you, Bearsy. The film is called Chronicle. !Spoiler alert! The one who looks evil and acts weird ends up doing weird and evil things. Not a massive spoiler - they show that in the trailers. The film-makers certainly went out of their way to make sure you knew he was weird and evil. It perhaps might have been more memorable if the handsome one went on a murderous rampage. The end of the film is actually rather exciting - they widen the scope of the film in a pretty clever way, using different fixed cameras (like security cameras).

I'm not even sure why it's a term of abuse, tbh. I much prefer a mug of tea to a cup of tea. Perhaps those that employ it as a term of abuse are sworn off mugs entirely, carefully sipping all their hot beverages from tasteful dainty tea-cups. Just a theory.

Basis? Robbie Williams won't be happy.

I think it would be a fun rivalry if conducted with appropriate vigor down south. I've still got loads of mates from school who support a big team. They make outrageous Facebook status updates grossly mis-using the term 'we'.

Would they notice?

While it is of course, flattering to receive so many kisses from an admirer in public, I feel that in this instance, you'd be better off dangling your worm elsewhere. Now I can't be sure, but I'm fairly certain that if you look around your room, there'll be a nice crusty sock for you to play with. Assuming your mum hasn't collected it on a washing run.

Yes, you are of course right. Your secondary school teachers are to be commended for producing an individual with such cutting debating skills. I shall now retreat to a small cupboard where hopefully, none of my family will see my silent tears.

Is this the new Turkish get-out-of-shyte-free tactic? That anyone who disagrees with your occasionally odious opinions are obsessed with you? There must be a lot of people that are obsessed with you. It's a wonder you're able to leave the house.

Your presence on this board seems rather odd. To paraphrase Obi-Wan Kenobi, who is the bigger mong? The mong? Or the mong that calls everyone else a mong, comes back to say he's never coming back again, then returns anyway to argue with said mongs?

Can we just chuck Shirley out of Southampton, give them a football team and be rivals with them?