pap

I do know that everyone is taking the p*ss here, just in case you're wondering

Blimey. I agree with Turkish on two things. First, brilliant idea about Bournemouth being our new rivals. I only really go there for Branksome Beach (technically almost Poole, I know) - and I have to say, laying around in the sun / eating ice-creams / swimming in the sea would be much enlivened by Turkish leaping out of a moving white van ready to "iron out" the locals ( at least, the ones who don't support Saints ). On a slightly more serious note, I completely agree about the second team stuff and would expand that to cover anyone who switches teams. Ms pap's old man likes to throw the occasional Saints related-jibe my way, pointing to Liverpool FC's tremendous success in relatively recent times. He seems to forget that I've been boinking his first-born for the last 18 years, so I happen to know he supported Everton in the 1970s, which I remind him of every time he starts up. Always amusing to see a former paratrooper taken down by a pint-sized geek with a bit of insider knowledge,

Eastleigh - Snooty borough council who wouldn't let us build a stadium on their turf and insist on having (Eastleigh) in brackets at Southampton Airport - Nearby - Good transport links, so easy to goad whether it is a matchday or not. Cons - Town will soon cease to exist, and will simply be known as Southampton North. - Aren't they a feeder club? - Never play them outside of a friendly - Might annoy the ghost at the one-hand clock, depending on her allegiances.

Doesn't really matter in this day and age. I bought my first 360 from eBay from Germany, which included a few games. Everything was in German on the box-art, etc. Played in English with no problems as soon as I'd set my language up. Localisation is one of the reasons we wait a bit longer for some titles, which is particularly annoying in the UK as we'd be perfectly fine with the American version

Bit short-sighted Minty, especially on the old smoking bit. From a public purse perspective, smokers paying the correct duty on cigs are heroes. They pay extra tax every day, and normally pop their clogs a great deal earlier, therefore not spending decades of unproductive life collecting cash from the state. Even in the US, which has a much lower rate of taxation on a pack of 20, smokers are a net gain to the economy. Here in the UK, the government made 11 billion UKP from smokers between 2010-2011. Estimates for UK spending on treating smoking-related health conditions are 2.4 billion ( although some studies put it as high as 5.4 billion ). This doesn't even factor in the money we're not paying for pensions, social services for the elderly, etc. So yeah, while I agree with you that people need to accept the consequences of their actions, smokers are fully covering their cost on society through taxation - and then some.

My theory is that we're too reserved for our own good. People bottle up far too much, and need some form of release.

I like this bit:- He is set to suggest the use of US-inspired "drunk tanks", cells to house people overnight while they sober up. ffs, does this Government have any ideas of its own? And why would we use the US as a model for anything, as this lot continue to do? Another fine notion they've snaffled from over the pond is people working for free to get state benefits - y'know - the one that is killing overtime for part-time workers across the land and keeping the number of real jobs very low at a time of rising unemployment. The US has literally nothing to teach us about creating a functional society. I'm at a loss to why the Conservatives seem to view their broken ideas as a panacea for resolving issues in the UK. Here's an idea. Why not actually get to the bottom of why people drink so much in this country before taking any action?

No team other than Rangers or Celtic have won the SPL since 1985. During that same period, I think we've had six or seven English champions.

Now official, and the points have been deducted. Even after all that, Rangers are still 9 points clear of 3rd. The SPL is a birruva joke ( courtesy Cilla's big book of footy quotes ).

Never mind - sussed it.

Very much so. I count myself lucky that I don't try such despicable vowel-insertion tricks on the UI. I fear this would have been an "ironing out" offence there. How do you set player roles on the iPhone version?

Not sure that there is a way out of this. Was in a similar situation ( 6 months left of a yearly contract ) last year and just paid the wonga.

Release the tactics, Bearsy ( you see that now ). I have to say, I'd prefer a cut-down version of Football Manager in which you play no games at all, pick no teams and sign no players. The 'game' would simply be reading a series of platitudes telling you what a great management hero you are. In this time-poor age, it could be a winner.

So in other words, who are we kidding? I've worked for Government loads of times, and the nature of my relationship with them changed each time. I have been a direct employee of the government, done ad-hoc work through design agencies and have worked on large projects through the likes of Capita, etc. In my opinion, the public gets the best value for money out of direct hires. The web design agency work went fine, but there were a lot of hoops to jump through. The Capita stuff was a bloody disaster from start to finish. Really, all that's happening here is a bit of financial prestidigitation. Departments are told to cut costs, and their first port of call is normally the permanent headcount, precisely because it is a direct cost and wiping those off the books looks great. Contractors and the like are retained because theoretically, they can be shipped off at any time and are therefore variable costs. In practice, the same amount (if not more) work needs to be done, so what actually happens is that permanent staff get booted to make way for the supposedly "easy to get rid of" service provider. The net result is a complete waste of money from the taxpayer's perspective, and the permanent loss of huge tracts of knowledge to the private sector. We also lose the concept of long-term ownership. Weird thing is, with the likes of Capita, Accenture et al - we end up losing even more money - as all of these firms have legal departments that'll keep the government tied up in knots, all at the expense of the taxpayer. Would actually be more cost-effective to bring the vast majority of services in-house and pay people a decent wage.

There's an element of truth to a lot of this. But then, he's not really telling the whole story - central government are just as, if not more profligate than local departments. If you want a recent example, check out the £500million project that has just been given to Accenture, an Indian outsourcing firm, to develop the system that'll underpin the benefits overhaul. That's half a billion quid of your money given to a company with a track record of failure. Most of the money will go Accenture shareholders, and it is likely that the costs will overrun and we still won't have the system in place that is supposedly required.

Er, don't decide on my account. Actually asked the missus about this, and her response was akin to a startled hissing cat. Precious about her recipes, apparently.

We are building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude. We forge our spirits in the traditions of our ancestors. You have our gratitude.

Yes, but you missed us and you know it.

ffs, I was hoping to slip that one past. I had hoped that the sneaky insertion of the effeminate 'e' would gradually erode your authority on this forum, and that it would simply exist unnoticed in the fabric of the threads, subliminally destroying you one mis-reference at a time. I had hoped that by the end of it, you would eventually change your avatar to a female bear. I see now that this plan is folly and shall accordingly seek alternative means to expedite your destruction on The Saints Web forum. You're a wily one for sniffing me out, Bearsy - I'll give you that.

Or at least move it to the Lounge. Main board doesn't need this beeswax.

I commend them in their stated aims of eliminating Islamic extremism. I'm not quite sure how they are going to achieve it. It is, after all, a problem which has eluded the solution of the world's policy-makers. Must be something I'm not getting, as I'm failing to see how turning up in a town en-masse draped in England flags is going to solve that perplexing condundrum.

Yes, I think we've established that. I'm going through the painful process of reconstructing my psyche after making such a monumental blunder in public. A group of left-wing friends from a local weaving commune are enroute to offer spiritual support.

It was worth it to discover the beautiful symmetry of discovering Saints Web's biggest racist (although don't call him that) is a White. Capital W. The sad thing is that trapping pap on this little number is Turkish's highlight of 2012. Bask in his radiated glory.

Hmm. A "Safesearch off" man then, Bearsey? I see.

He is drunk on the belief that I will be crushed by his response on an Internet forum. I am personally looking forward to the revelation that he is called Derek White. Whoops. Another conclusion.