pap

Cheers for this. Explains everything.

Good advice for two reasons. 1) I can confirm that we are moving into a former Brookie actor's gaff. 2) It's virtually all patio, mate - even the front garden.

Does anyone have any advice on moving into the former home of an 80s soap star?

Miami Connection next.

You should really check out No Retreat No Surrender if Karate Kid + dumbness = your winning formula. No Mr Miyagi in this film. Instead, our hero is trained in karate by the ghost of Bruce Lee. The leading lady never worked again.

"I have a restraining order and speed-dial to the local nick"?

No Retreat, No Surrender is f**king awful - but gloriously so. Check the trailer out:-

Now don't start that, Bear! You created a question. She actually said "I know the answer straightaway, but don't want to admit it". She had ALWAYS had a problem with the crotch grabbing. So this has been helpful. For her, for me, for everyone.

No Retreat, No Surrender. Do it.

Sorry for not answering this huge question earlier, Bear, but I'm sure you'll agree that it is worth the wait. Juvenile Unit #2 found this to be something of a poser, but now has a definitive answer. If given the choice of One Direction giving up either the crotch-grabbing or butt-patting, she actually wants to keep the butt-patting. This answer was extracted through giggles, surprise and a bit of embarrassment. I'm proud of my daughter for being a good sport, so be nice.

Her favourite is Louie. No idea why. He looks like the sort of thin-lipped bastard you'd see as a baby faced gangster administering a Chelsea smile in the Krays or something. She will construct a cogent defence for most of them, but has no effective defence for "Milf Hunter" Harry Styles.

I have asked Juvenile Unit #2, who shames the family with her continual like of the crotch-grabbing perverts One Direction, what she thinks of all of this. She is on One Direction's side, predictably, and laughed me out of the room when I asked "why?"

If, by exciting football, you mean almost sh!tting your pants almost until the final day of the season almost every year (Alan Ball's 10th place excepted), then yes, it was exciting. I prefer the 84 vintage though.

But not anymore, right? You are boycotting them.

I don't think marketing of crotch grabbing was really up to much then. People weren't aware of it. Still a much better result than the guess on the moon though, which was simply explained away as God putting a light in the night sky.

I've just found out that Westboro Baptist Church are to picket a One Direction concert. http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/westboro-baptist-church-to-picket-evil-perverted-boy-band-one-direction-at-upcoming-kansas-gig-8681246.html The WBC say that One Direction are "crotch-grabbing perverts". I'm personally conflicted. I dislike both parties in the dispute. Some people may be conflicted for different reasons - perhaps they really like One Direction and the Westboro Baptist Church. I favour One Direction to come out on top. WBC may have the power of a smiting God behind them, or they may not, but the appeal of well-marketed nice boys to girls of all ages is undeniable.

So in what sense do you actually support the Saints?

Most of the kit upset is coming from one place; grumpy old men. I sympathise chaps, I really do - I have noticed elements of the grumpy surfacing in this slender 38 year old frame. There are modern things that I do not particularly like, but you just have to get on with it. Can we at least calm fears that the shirt is "all red"? I am not an expert, and did not go to design college, etc - but there are other colours on that shirt, aren't there?

I've been called worse

Then I upgrade my clap. Imagine a morbidly obese fellow excitedly clapping like a seal after a waiter delivers the entire desserts menu to the table. That is my new level of approval.

Indeed; hard not to bite back when someone is always nibbling though. Perhaps this is another case where I need to be selective about what I reply to. Soz, peeps.

Occam's Razor, innit? The very Mini that signalled Apple's entry into the market as a me-too merchant? The device which marks the the point at which Apple said "hey, let's not define the market. Let's follow it"? I'd say that the more rabid Macsturbators of this world are doing some serious soul-searching at the moment. Tim Cook seems a competent enough bloke, but he's not the visionary firebrand that Jobs was. Feck mate, in terms of relative personal abuse, that is the most vicious thing I've seen on SaintsWeb. Yes, and to add - I have Apple kit in my house too. It's very nice, but honestly, the only reason I'm going to maintain an iOS device is because of the stuff I've already bought. The walled garden works. That said, my purchases on the App Store are starting to dry up and I am thinking of making the long term move over to Droid. All the apps I use day to day exist there. Buying more Apple stuff seems to a certain extent, like throwing good money after bad.

Did top-level Google executives come take a dump in an unorthodox location in your house, though?

Yes. Matey missed out on a good season, as I recall.

Golf fan's clap for this effort. Juvenile, but some nice punnery at play.