saintbletch

You're coming through loud and clear Toke. I had you on ignore for a whole day. It's was fantastic. During that time I met this other poster call Big Bad Bob (3B for short of B-TRIPZ for long). We chatted, held hands and the next thing I know we're BFFF (he wanted to be BFFFF, but I told him I didn't F on first dates). Anyway, since then he hasn't written, hasn't phoned, hasn't PM'd. It turns out that he's just like all the rest. So I decided to give you another chance and take you off ignore. Two questions Toke. How do you become a judge on the car wash game? How come you made it back from Japan as sane as you are?

I have problem with your use of the word "actual" there Sarb. Subconsciously you've written what you imagine I would like to read, but, it's just not the way we speak/communicate. If you'd have written "My name is Sarb", I'd have stopped this virtual shake-down right there. If you'd written "My name is actually Sarb", I'd have been less interested in nailing* you. But "My actual name is Sarb" means that I'd confidently (~73%) predict that you're hiding something in that sentence. So I'll happily refer to you as 27% Sarb, but 73% of me feels that you're just not very good at this lying lark. And that's a credit to you and the family that raised you. Look, I'm not very good at bank robbery, so I decided long ago not to do it (again). Perhaps you should do the same over this desire to mislead us poor Muppets? Apologies if I'm coming across all cynical Simon here, but you did walk into The Muppet Show police station here. Head back to the Lounge and the Main Bored and we'll turn a blind eye to it - just this once. P.S. is your last name Kaur or Singh? *Metaphorically

Apropos of absolutely nothing in particular, but when we lie we tend to supply much more detail than when we tell the truth. We feel that this adds credibility, but in fact it just isn't natural communication. We also tend to envisage the fantasy situation from an external perspective (as if we were an onlooker), and not from a more natural internal perspective. Just thought I'd share that for no reason. As an aside, why do they call you unbelievable Jeff?

Ohh Toke, you're such a beige cord-wearing, Ford Focus-driving, digestive-eating, lawn-mowing, day-of-rest-eshewing Mavis!

How about we go for "The poster known as three repeated letter Bs which is short for Big Bad Bob" ? That's short and catchy. You asked so nicely pap, so I hate to refuse to accommodate the request, but brevity is surely the key here. I write so much rubbish every day that I wanted to cut away all pretention and refer to my BFFF (No longer Tokyo-Saint) in the purest, most distilled way; to scream to the world that we are BFFF (Not BFFFF - I'm not that sort of Bletch). Anyway, as you note, 3B suggests the third year of senior school (year 9 in new money I believe) and that's sort of where 3B's mental maturity stopped. And that's why I heart him.

Bedtime biscuit advice, poor. Slipper removal advice, good. A digestive before bed might as well be crack cocaine for the troubled and restless night's sleep its sugar content will give you. Just say "No". Barry, as the newly elected Mayor of The Muppet Show, I want to extend the hand of welcome to you and your mental posts and threads. You've recently had a new addition to the Sanchez family, so I believe congratulations are in order. Congratulations. I think I speak for the extended TSW family when I say that you were sorely missed on here during your paternity leave. Now, it's understandable that you'll want to sneak away from the mildly claustrophobic bosom of your growing family to kick-back and enjoy yourself on here. And of course we know that you get a great deal of pleasure from identifying underperforming, and/or overvalued players and then pointing out the limitations and failings of these players to other posters who don't have the same level of football/finance insight. That of course is the prerogative that your five pounds per annum grants you. But I ask nicely, please, please, please leave your negativity towards Southampton Football Club's players outside the The Muppet Show town limits. Or, I will kill you.

Oi Sanchez, I warned you, you ****. I'm ****ing fed-up taking one for the Lounge and Main Bored team here. **** off back to wherever you came from, or at the very least keep out of the Muppet Show you ****ing negative ****. 'night.

Suitable for Costa Coffee - as Tokyo-Saint is on ignore.

Perhaps restrict your sexual partners to female body-builders in future? They tend to have less strength. Except Tokyo-Saint, she works out at the Jim (sic). I don't mean to pry or judge your sexual proclivities 3B, I'm only thinking of your health and well-being.

WARNING: Not Suitable For Costa Coffee (judging by the looks I'm getting).

WARNING: Mildly Not Suitable For Costa Coffee.

3B, can I ask what you meant by adding an additional Eff to the BFFF in the above? I might not be that sort of Bletch. Re the pube, I've always found that it pays to ensure that your sexual partners are trained in the Heimlich manoeuvre, for exactly this reason.

I'm guessing that this is Not Suitable for Costa Coffee?

Mystery solved. So what we learn here is that I am massively popular amongst the closet cliterati of the forum - the people who want to remain anonymous on the Internet, like paedophiles, porn-watchers and virtual cottagers. Nice.

So, my Nexus 5 has been sent to the wrong Parcel Force depot (Swansea). I'll now get it on Friday apparently. The guy I spoke to said a large number of Nexus 5s were sent to the wrong distribution centre - don't know if they were all from the Southampton area. Beginning to wish I'd just popped into an Apple store and been violently wallet-raped and handed a beautiful box of Cupertino's finest*. *Before essruu makes the same observation!

I won't forget you being there in my hour of need. All I got from Toke was the high-hat. BTW, awkward, but...well you'd assumed that I was offering to give, and not receive the blow job. There's something poetic about two gloriously put together Bletch posts, sandwiching a dumb* Tokyo-Saint. Don't you think? *Dumb as in mute. Probably.

Or, everyone is avoiding you. That'll be the impact of becoming a social pariah by being a "friend of Bletch". It's like having Bletch Body Odour, or Big Bad Bob Bad Breath. I'd give you another bunny, but I'm out of stock. How about a mock blow job? Anyway, hope nobody quotes Toke's posts, I hate it when I get to see the posts of people I TRULY HATE.

I've momentarily slipped off the stealthy cloak of forum invisibility and re-visited your page. Try again now Glasgow_Saint.

Anyone seen Toke recently? I've got him on ignore now that 3B and I are BFFF.

Ah, OK. Then maybe it is to do with being invisible. I'm wearing the stealthy forum invisibility cloak, so perhaps I'm not showing on your list for that reason. Perhaps only I can see me on your list because, well, it's me. I'm going to take of the stealthy forum invisibility cloak and try again.

Well, I've just visited your profile Glasgow_Saint and I seem to be in the list. Something is rotten here...a Bletch could get a complex.

URWLCM3B. I fear that they may be concerned that they are being lured into unwittingly bolstering my visit stats, and at the same time becoming a social pariah by being a "friend of bletch". No offence 3B, but as one of the more erudite Muppets, and now as a "friend of bletch" you'll find that posters now ignore you, shun your witty word-work, alienate your aesthetic alliterations and refuse to visit your page. I've never given out two bunnies in a day before, so thanks again for your sacrifice.

Well that's odd 3B. So how can I have had 50+ visits and only one change? Hmm. The Man is obviously out to undermine me. Thanks for your help 3B, it's at times like this that you really know who your BFFF are. You deserve a bunny, as a thank you.

Completely agree. Completely agree. And there's the problem.