rallyboy

they only need 1,000 at Coventry because as Merson says, they are the bestest he's ever heard.... Though in fairness.....when he said that, he was hanging upside down in his seatbelt spewing cheap lager and amphetamines all over the dash of his smashed up Merc on the M40 - so perhaps as a character witness, his opinion on anything will be as sought after as a Christmas single by Myra Hindley and Gary Glitter. He's just lucky the other great fratton favourite Uncle Avram didn't wander by while the plucky little addict was hanging there all helpless, confused....and pretty....he'd have soon cleared his airways for him. Oh yes, the gropey old coaching genius would've taken him right up the nearest sliproad. They couldn't take Merson's spirit!! No, but they did take his licence - and his street cred. Looks like Coventry don't trust them to pay for more than 1,000, bet they are looking forward to seeing all these new Prem players playing against them - that transfer embargo for missed tax is working a treat. It's like the last administration when they just ignored it and flicked the Vs - come on you Sky Blues, go Robins go - looks like justice will only be dished out on the pitch. Bring on the derby -the one at the silent under-populated St Fairies in little Delhi, the ground repossessed by the council because we've missed tax payments since the dock strike and the support of the Final Solution, the ground where we give out free tickets to asylum seekers, terrorists and the unemployed, and boo our own team in the warm-up etc. The few are in for a fricking shock next month if they believe all the myths.

The attendance debate was settled long ago, we won, and without claiming to be the greatest in the world! - it didn't even go to a replay, we just used facts. Only attendance mentions on here now should be with reference to the cringeworthy claim that Fratton is more intimidating than the likes of Boca, Madrid, Newcastle, Celtic, Galatasaray, or even Liverpool. Players praised the few? Yeah, but only last week Mullins said he was really sad to go while also telling Reading he had his dream move. Harry said you were the best, then he said Spurs' fans were the best - Grant was heartbroken to leave as well, but confirmed West Ham fans were the greatest the following day - tis called PR. Scary place to go myth? Not a single Saints player batted an eyelid at the dirty children and cross-eyed inbreds when we visited the little museum of hate - we're all looking forward to SMS though....big vocal home crowd wanting to witness long-awaited vengeance, possible relegation looming... Yeah, let's see who gets the jitters that day in an intimidating atmosphere. So announcing that you are the bestest few is beyond laughable, it's deluded in the extreme, in fact it's mental illness - and the media is now taking the p!ss - look up sarcasm in the dictionary. Re loans, presumably Appy needs to order more squirrels, bicycles and tents if he intends to take on more players that aren't costing him a penny. I hope West Brom don't have an injury crisis... And up next, Coventry youth and reserves V the 3rd or 4th highest paid XI in the division - glad there's a level playing field. Come on Birchy, let's have some more cashflow news - found any yet?

yes we admit it - Terry Gennoe was caught doing 33mph in a 30mph limit in 1979. And you are right - this wipes out the last ten years of money-laundering accusations, tax evasion, financial irregularities, prossie-bothering, organised crime, kiddie-fiddling, war crimes and backhanders previously attributed to the club and staff to the east, and referred to on here in such smug and aloof terms. Our moral high ground has proved to be nothing but a sandy heap that has crumbled now our club's criminality has been so cruelly exposed. My cheeks are crimson with shame, our clubs are once again equal. And we nailed the attendance debate good and proper when you were away trying to avoid reality - one win and they all return...

Nige is in charge now - the days of Middlesboro, Everton and Villa at home are gone. We're the team that give other sides the jitters now. But yes we do need to keep our feet on the ground, same as we did this time last season. Just keep rowing the bus and controlling the football. And poor Bill, why do you keep reminding the poor bloke about his darkest hour on a football pitch?

following the previous few years, 2010 was pretty good. 2011 was amazing. But 2012 is shaping up to be legendary. Nige is right, we have to keep our feet on the ground, there's still work to do - but tonight's effort could define the season. This is the first time in about four months that the rest of the divison is soiling themselves at the thought of playing us. Nice timing. Keep on driving that bus Nige, up through the gears me old mucker....

I'd not heard of a reduction for a second relegation either, only TV money, not parachute.... Birch said there was £14M to come but about £7M-£10M was already accounted for. This left £4M-£7M to squabble over - before they started deferring wages. The players will have gobbled up another couple of million by May and the PL well will soon be dry. Once again Gaydamak and Chanrai are going to end up like two wasted tramps ransacking a skip and trading punches in the street over a single shoe that doesn't fit either of them. Which ironically, if properly promoted by Sky Box Office, would draw a bigger crowd than pompey v Birmingham City.

what a cheerful and charismatic chap the Russian must be... From that photo he hasn't been ploughing money into pompey, hes' been ploughing sticky buns into his fat chops - and regretting the decision to visit Al Fahim's tailor - we saw his orange suit two sizes too small... He looks like Adrian Chiles after he's eaten that awful woman who can't present. I still reckon pompey will survive this debacle - but I've no idea how that could happen, I'm just remembering how they've been in the last chance saloon before and pulled out an ace each time - but it looks terminal this time. And if it does all fall apart we'll have the Lithuanian government to thank for pushing the latest crook over the edge. Though in reality the final credits will take months to read, it's been a proper team effort to collapse the business so badly, so many times.

that's no age, and the fact that he actually did something to try and create a future for his club should be applauded - respect. Meanwhile, what sort of gate can they expect for Birmingham in a midweek game? Lose that and Appy's firesale kicks in bigtime. I still see no sign of a buyer and with Birch looking to halve the wagebill again it has to be impossible to sell in the current form. I note that the wagebill he's aiming for is the one that Lampitt was working toward from AA's figures - he only missed it by about 300%. Good effort. Unlike the tired PR that poured out after a dismal attempt against Bristol City. Plucky, battling, blah, blah, blah - say it enough times and people might believe. No, it was poor, toothless, wayward, feeble, unstructured - from all reports I've seen there was no sign of anything positive, just another nail in the coffin. In fact the coffin lid is more metal than wood now, I hope they've left room for the half a dozen we want to bang in there.

despite the misplaced humour of everyone escaping from pompey as soon as they can, and the fact that their 2012 calendar must be royally fecked, all three months of it - that's the worst bit of photoshopping since we saw a Lancaster on the moon - Appy looks like he's got less neck than Gladstone Small. As for any Liebherr family ancient history - it's a bit rich peddling that myth! One of the pompey owners was still involved in a war while he was sat in the director's box, lapping up the applause from the deluded - in fact he was simultaneously sponsoring warcrimes, and the club. When he found he couldn't afford to kill children and buy footballers, he opted with the one that gave him a return - the one that he wasn't ashamed to admit to. Arms Dealing 1-0 pompey. As for fancy dress Fail to Pack the Park IV - is it go dressed as a cross-eyed pikey who spouts sh!t and wonders why no one else cares night? Again.

so pompey have now sent the Ho out on loan as well. Has he really gone?.... Well I didn't like to say before because it might sound a bit rude while he was here, but he was a little bit 'special' wasn't he?... Putting all the banter aside, I'm quite upset that he's gone. Oh hang on, I've got over it!!! Bye! I give it a week before he's back - or sooner if they beat Bristol City, or we lose.

seen three pompey fans tonight, two have completed the journey, accepted the current justice being dished out and are sick of the criminality. BUT the other one tried to explain to me how most of their squad are actually on £5K a week, and it isn't as bad as people think. I tried to explain to him what was going on for his own benefit (and mine!), but it was like doing a card trick with a dog. What can you do?

if I was the type of person who embraced conspiracy theories I might say that Cardiff, West Ham, Birmingham and Reading have now safely bought their points. Which would make it even funnier if despite being 'helped out' by these teams, pompey still went pop before the end of April. WARNING - For the first time on this thread I'm just starting to think that the figures might stack up.... But only over two months...feel free to adjust any of these guesstimates, unless of course you sell toys for a living. It looks like Birch has now reduced the wagebill by maybe £300K a month. March wages with the squad reduction and deferred 25% will still be over a million. That's about £2.5M to get to May? - plus all the little things like power, matchday staff and the police, luxury jet hire to away games, plus squirrels, tent pegs and bicycles for the loan players. Outgoings for March-April - £3M? I can't see ticket income being much higher than £500K plus FL money of £400K, and a season ticket drip feed of £600K? With some shop sales and other dribs and drabs like loan fees, Birch might be within a million of breaking even in March and April - but only by delaying the tsunami that's gathering. And to do that he'll have to abandon CVA1 and appeal to the caring side of the south's favourite arms dealer. And delay Chanrai and any legal action he might embark on. And keep AA at bay. And possibly miss the April wages. By May the deferred wages will add about £2M to the football creditors list, and the tax bill if unpaid will be up by a further £3-4M - a considerable cost to add for someone buying the club. With Birch saying that the un-ringfenced parachute payments were down to £4M-7M, that would leave the future PPs due to be as little as £3M over the next two years - minus April wages if they are missed. At this rate ALL of the Prem money will be gone by the end of June. On reflection, perhaps the figures still don't stack up. Another £100K a week needs saving, and shipping out more players is his best chance of doing it - Time for the youngsters, I can't see another option. Cue more moaning about their plight and it being other people's fault.

In their defence the ticket office has struggled since Liam 'we are all in this together' Lawrence packed his bags and demonstrated that he isn't it at all. I hope he left some details of how far he'd got with organising the coaches, the ticket office hasn't been the same since he stopped running it. And he certainly made a difference to Cardiff's midfield the other night in their 3-0 home defeat - they might have secured their pompey points with that transfer deal, but they are losing them at the same rate by dressing him as a footballer and letting him on the pitch. It's all gone a bit quiet over to the east - it's a bit boring. We might have to adjust to that as the norm if they go pop. No more plucky rallying cries, no more myths - and I'll miss the deluded tales of emails about refs, and the unrivalled support of the passionate bestest. Yeah, you might hate them but you know that we need them to survive. What are we without the few? Rebels without a thread. I'm not going to write this stuff about Bournemouth - two seaside gags about old people and it's done - Eddie Mitchell is funny but the novelty of his drink-fuelled radio interviews and reluctance to settle bar bills would wear off. Yeah, the demise of pompey might be VERY funny for a day or two, but Poyet won't hack it either when it comes to delusion. He might support people using the N word and teach his players and ballboys to cheat, and he may have screwed up his big chimpy-face and insulted us before we bent his team over at the running track - but he doesn't have the comedy value of shuffling around Horton Heath in his club tracksuit with little Gus on display. So Chanrai is the keeper of a little comedy goldmine and we need it - its the one out of Scooby Doo, Storrie was wearing a mask and if it hadn't been for the pesky kids on here...he might have got away with it... No, just accept it, we need the rivalry - though about four divisions distance between us would be my preferred choice - and fair. So why so quiet over there? - is it the worry building before Judgement Day, or is it because they are deep in negotiations with a gang of interested buyers? I reckon that if Birch thought he could dismiss the Chinster's claims he would have come out with all guns blazing and told him where to go, that would be a vital part of any attempt to sell. Or are they just fizzling out? I'll miss them.* *but only if you tamper with the sights on my rocket launcher.

hello Dragons, my name is John Westwood and my business is Pack the Park Limited - I'm after an initial £180M for 1.75% of an unspecified 'small' part of the business, less expenses. I also need about 5,000 people who I've previously abused to make the effort to come all the way to my business and pay money to get abused again - bring the family. Though visitors in other shirts may get spat at. In return for money they will get to visit the living museum of football, the theme is the late 50s, and inbreeding - and the extra exhibit is toilets through the ages, this week it's the 17th century. For children we have face tattooing, badger-baiting, lucky heather classes, and many themed games and rides. Adjacent to the arena you can see where Mandaric knocked a shed down and promised a new ground, and you can check out the CSI mob burial grounds. Kids can try to survive the child-maiming maze, play find the arab or buy an ice cream off a fat man in a small shirt - all against the backdrop of our famous hot and cold running fat display - and with no clock, the fun lasts all day! Visitors will also get to see highly paid players underperforming, and you can clap David James and thank him for taking all those lovely wages that have helped the club so much. Appy the clown will be on hand to offer a Fortress Fratton rallying cry, even though you can see in his eyes that he's dead inside and has given up. There will be guided tours of the cave paintings that give precise details of the mythical dock strike, and the sacred document, the famous leaked email that tells refs to be naughty to pompey, will also be displayed for the first time. The business has been established for two years now and has been an unmitigated disaster, and when I say I can offer 1.75%, I'm not sure how much of it I can actually sell as ownership is a bit vague, and it's landlocked, though it might have an underwater casino and leather shop soon. Our projections for the next eight weeks show that we might manage to complete that time frame, though we don't really do accounts in the traditional sense so please don't ask me about turnover or assets. If you give me £180M I would use it to create a pioneering sustainable business model that would set the benchmark for solving football's financial issues, I'd restructure the debt and create a new style of club that would embrace community spirit and be an asset to local businesses and a source of pride for the city. No, only joking, I'd spunk the lot on more players and ridiculous wages! Thank you for listening, any questions?.....

funny as it is to chuckle at the chickens finally coming home to roost, I'm surprised at the ticket sales. Any commentators who now make reference to the bestest and passionate fanbase can immediately be regarded as ill-informed simpletons. This is a myth, and the facts are clearly there to dismiss it. The few have abandoned ship. They are looking at about 10/11K home fans for one of their biggest games of the season. With two games in a week and midweek games against the likes of Hull coming up they could be heading for a half full 'arena' sometime soon. The only thing they've packed is their bags. And before Ho starts pointing out the state of affairs, yes, there is little to encourage fans to go there, other than the chance to save the club - we are beyond looking at value for money or entertainment. I remember going to St Marys one day wondering if it might be the last time. I didn't expect to see a team play well, I didn't bail out because we'd lost players, I can't even recall who was playing for us, I didn't care who was wearing the shirt. It was just about being there as a show of support, because the team I'd watched with my Dad might disappear, and all those memories of the previous 30 years would be lost with the club. It was time to stand up and be counted. So putting rivalry aside, how can so many pompey fans stand by and watch the club disappear? We don't have a monopoly on an emotional attachment to a club, so where are those fans who went to the park over the last 20-30 years, or who stood out on Southsea Common basking in reflected glory?? Presumably Birch is asking the same thing.

if Chinny had a table at the awards last night he might have discovered that the child-maimer owned the cutlery and the chairs, meaning the Chinster could technically eat, but he'd have to stand up and use his fingers - which funnily enough was very similar to what prossie-bothering Avram ordered off the menu behind a skip on an industrial estate. are the hordes of free West Brom loanees still dining on squirrels in a big tent and cycling to games? Or perhaps they are in a hotel which is also paid for by these 'mystery partners' who seem to have suddenly started financing the club. Why don't they just admit that they're taking the p1ss out of a toothless football league and their own fanbase, it's pretty blatant when you have Rangers slashing their wagebill yet pompey players still want ALL their dirty cash guaranteed, and expect the man on the street to pay for their shiny tat. I look forward to Pack the Park III, and the forced dispersal of the filthy 100 who have no homes to go to and are making some point about something or other. Can't see the few become less few as the weeks go on, especially if they don't beat Bristol City. It's cooking up nicely.

four joke owners v one billionaire? Or do they need one more administration to get to the correct score? Either way I presume HP has taken ownership of the phrase to demonstrate that we are looking forward to Judgement Day at SMS. I know I am. And regarding their fantastic away support, the 3,000 strong blue army - yeah - Portsea Myth no.793. Hardly heard a peep out of them until they were ahead on the last visit, didn't hear a sound at the previous games. And they are having to ship people in to take their allocation this time, didn't even take many to Reading, they are coming to see Southampton. As they did at Fratton. Wave them goodbye Ted, just wave them goodbye....

is that the award for treating the family of a former player with disdain and trying to rip them off £500 for some sandwiches or the award for shafting local family businesses and children's charities? Either way it is obviously someone's idea of a joke. Tis a club for local people. Didn't see much of a Fratton Park family atmosphere when young kids were screaming abuse at our players taking throw-ins. Oh well, I suspect I know whose laughing now.

so what is the record for a change in league positions for local rivals in less than three seasons? People blessed with autistic tendencies will be able to give me the definite figure but I reckon the swing in league positions must be approx 74 since August 09. Us bottom of League One with pompey in the Prem, to where we are today. An astonishing change in fortunes. I would have posted this on the main board but there are too many nutters over there who want to analyse every full stop and it gets more boring than Alan Shearer chatting to Michael Owen about scatter cushions. So as fratton crumbles, we are living in a golden age, surely it couldn't come to pass that we pull away at the top and relegate them on the same day next month? Is Karma really that smart? Probably not....but the planets do seem to be moving into an intriguing formation. And let's face it, if we manage to get up this year, battling out draws against the likes of West Brom won't be as exciting as the last two league campaigns and the trip to Wembley. Soak it up everyone, we are living in special times.

the games are coming thick and fast this month so the aim today was to claim three points with the minimum of effort, no injuries, no suspensions - and with the chance to give key players some rest once the result was secured. No cigar but job professionally done - unlike West Ham who had a very similar scenario and failed. Ditto Birmingham. The pressure is on, but we've been here before - let's not forget how Huddersfield enjoyed going head-to-head with us over three months... Nice one Nige. Let's just keep harvesting points.

anyone who still thinks that they are getting away with it should have a look at the league table tonight. You may have noticed that I've been annoyed at how they've flicked the Vs and dodged justice in the last few years, but with the illegally assembled squad now being scattered to the four winds and the form dipping, I think we are getting there. All building nicely towards Judgement Day at St Mary's... Invitations are out to anyone who thought -10 in Southampton was funny, all those who laughed when we nearly went under, anyone who still pretends that pompey relegated us, and especially any of the cheery little souls who sang along at Fratton, laughing at the scummers going down, what a funny day that was, cuddling their sisters and trying to focus the crossed-eyes on the scum - yes, even the toothless heather-peddlers, you are all invited to this special event! You've had your little trips to London, you drew a European match, which was nice, bad news is....that's all ancient history! So please come to SMS and see what a proper fricking farewell party is like. Looking forward to seeing you there. RSVP, smart casual, no clown hats or bells. Don't bring a bottle.

so the breaking news is that the Rangers bloke has failed their fit and proper person test! Perhaps the Football League could take some lessons from our friends beyond the north. I see Rangers getting liquidated - and pompey carrying on regardless.

15,000 fans would follow a new club?... What is it with them and putting decimal points in the wrong place?? To add to the penalties above - minus 30 points for any use of a bell within the stadium. Or a clown's hat. And minus 1pt per extra finger counted on those entering the turnstiles, 2pts for thumbs.

why does AA think the Football League will decide that Portsmouth Football Club has nothing to do with....Portsmouth Football Club? OldCo, NewCo, change of owners - it's all the same club, same liabilities, and the same golden share that can be withdrawn. Or are the few now supporting a team that has no history, and has never won a thing? So their all time record attendance was when a big club came to town back in December 2011...better get Jimmy Dickinson off that stand, the painting of Storrie can be taken down, and the statue of Utaka with his **** Turpin mask and wheelbarrow of cash can go too. This is new improved fresh pompey, leaving all previous dirty pompeys behind. Or is it just AA making it up again.

sorry to bang on about CVA1 but it's important. So unsecured creditors have to get to the back of the queue, but is that first child-maimer payment date set in stone, or can he move that one back to delay everything? And has he really reduced the pence in the £ without creditor approval as has been hinted? And in Scottish news - if Rangers went pop that would blaze a trail and leave the few in a VERY precarious position. No one wants to be the first, but if a big club showed that it's possible then the media could fully accept a small club going without all the accompanying bestest stuff. When I saw the Newcastle Sunderland game the other day I couldn't help wondering what the Toon Army makes of the most passionate and noisy claim. They probably don't even realise pompey exist and would regard Fortress Fratton as nothing more than a smelly rickety shed with three angry tramps in residence. It's a shame really. Though I suspect half of the claims I see on sites are from here, and the other half are part of care in the community. That Tevez one has to be from here, doesn't it? - own up.