rallyboy

Vince Clarke! So Westwood can be played by Andy Bell...just needs a little bit more glitz in the outfit and maybe a blue and white thong. Putting the camp back in camponologist. And as an aside, that's why some people think everyone on here is a nutjob or a pants-wetter and think the thread should be closed - they don't understand half the gags, and the detailed technical research confuses them! Anyway my fellow nutjobs, pompey owner is in court later, his first step on the way to a lengthy jail sentence. And you don't get to say that everyday.

stepping back from the comedy of it all, we've been here before. The blatant criminality and insolvent trading, still unpunished. Will anything be different this time? Experience suggests not. For sure, Vlad's street cred is shot to bits unless he is cleared of all charges, and there are a lot of charges that go back a long time, so his part in this comedy may be over. That leaves the village simpleton bouncer in a suit, the Leeds man with a dodgy history, and Lampitt. They will continue to spin positivity, but I suspect the access to funds may be an issue. This would see a decline in the team, and that could be the only punishment. I'm not expecting the football authorities to suddenly do their job, or the courts to ignore the dodgy handshake that seems to have kept them afloat thus far. So it's really bad news for them, but they have had bad news before, and let's remember they are debt-free with nothing historical to bother them. The PR side? They no longer appeal to honest businessmen so damage to the brand doesn't matter. The real test is April - Saints away, and a CVA. Time to do some maths again, my recollection is they lost something like a million over six months recently and pretended they hadn't by not paying Ben Haim's wages? That said, it was enough to fool the Russians' due diligence!

Phil's right, my eyebrows were raised at the thought that a man advising the football authorities on how to stop dodgy people buying clubs was also advising dodgy people on buying clubs. In fact that was enough for me in one day, and then...the bombshell. Vlad's biggest mistake was not using Storrie's shredder and trying to stuff the evidence down the Fratton Park toilet before fixing that flush, he must have left a right old trail, I wonder where it leads. The only way it could get funnier now is if he refuses to respect the warrant and we are treated to pictures of him being bundled away like a mass murderer sometime soon. And his history would suggest he is way too important for that warrant and will ignore it. Cue re-writing of pompey management structure and future planning asap, Lampitt to spin something positive, 'Vlad was a minor part of what we are doing....with his majority stake....' I saw someone online feeling sorry for Appleton, a man who took a cut price job that no one else wanted at a club drowning under the weight of unresolved legal and financial issues. I'm not surprised, and nor should he be, the job was unwanted when Cotterill baled out. We all knew that Vlad was looking to clean money, even the thick ones on here, so we aren't being smug, it was bleeding obvious. I reckon the CVA is in proper trouble now, this must have a konck on effect for funding, time for AA to come in and delay again, followed by moaning creditors who voted for their own shafting. Tis all very predictable. But the golden moment of my day was sitting down at 6pm and listening to Fred explain how the owner of his favourite football club is as we all suspected, nothing more than a criminal on the run. We are so lucky, this thread has been so much funnier than we deserve - so a special hello to all my fellow pants-wetting, toast-mongers who are sadly still banging on about this boring situation when the thread should be closed. It still has legs, in fact it's just sprouted wings and an outboard.

did this revelation dawn on him during his journey?....................

met someone the other day who had never heard of us referred to as The Saints. He was from N.Wales though, he thought I was talking about rugby league for a bit - I think he may have been a little bit simple.

to the layman it appears that his business empire is crashing down around his ears...that might have a knock-on effect when it comes to building that shiny new stadium.....or bringing in new players.....or placating the previously toothless football authorities. If in the next few months he can't find money in other corners of his business world and misses the wages, I might just wet myself a bit! Cue Lampitt saying nothing is wrong, but with a slight twitch. Then dig out the shot of Leslie Nielson telling us there is nothing to see....

worst decision ever? Diana getting in a car with a drunk frenchman who wasn't very good at driving? Or Puncheon telling the gaffer to stick his team selection where the sun don't shine.

difficult to judge the poor bloke after just one game but....Mr Appy already has the air of a clueless bloke in way beyond his depth. He couldn't be worse than the previous appointments could he? Life can't be that funny can it?.... Do I recall promotion hopefuls Norwich going to their arch rivals and giving them the mother of all spankings last season? There's a thought.

Poyet's main problem is his previous views on the game are so ridiculous that I don't bother to listen to him anymore. Anyone who seriously thought we were like Dagenham last season is lucky to get a job in cleaning the kit, let alone coaching. He was made to look an idiot by Nige. Again. He needs to leave mind games to the experts, the sort of people who put the Withdean victory footage on the big screen prior to kick off. I left the ground and legged it straight to the Carter gig at Brixton where someone else had obviously done the same, and they were still in the Saints shirt. I did shout red army across an army of crowd-surfers but to no avail. And Phil, we have been dominating teams like that on a very regular basis at home, the main problem for opposition is they just can't get the ball off us. Very happy days.

oh, I see now! - the Lithuanian government has actually stolen money from poor little plucky Snoras.....and covered their tracks by framing a mafia-linked, alleged money-laundering fraudster who was declared unfit by the FBI and the Financial Services Authority?.... That seems plausible. Far more likely than a crook with a history of financial irregularities getting involved in....er.... financial irregularities. With things starting to unravel off the pitch we just need the new bloke to oversee a red-card riddled defeat then grab a microphone to declare that his side dominated and were the better side, before heading off to the nearest industrial estate for some 'me time' up against the side of a skip. I miss the good old days of Cotterill, Adams, Hart, Avram etc, hopefully the new bloke can be as entertaining. Shouldn't be long before AA starts signing autographs again.

Ho will have known a couple of days back when he met up socially for his fortnightly update, so no surprise there. Lampitt running from the building shouting we're fecked wouldn't really help the situation from a PR point of view. And earlier in the week I believe I was some sort of bedwetting loser for even making jokes at their expense as all their troubles were behind them. Perhaps Sour Ho will be back to tell us it's officially open season on them again.... I do so welcome his approval.

too late for extradition, by now he'll be away over the border into Hayling Island, stowed away in that safe house used by the witness protection programme. The pompey story is getting complicated again, can't they do one criminal case at a time so everyone can keep up? It's difficult to remember all the twists and turns but the place is a magnet for criminals - I'd be curious to know what Nicola makes of it as he knows banking better than he knows football. He must be looking forward to meeting his fellow bankers and seeing the lovely facilities down the road. That aside, this does seem like quite a significant development and surely there must be rumblings in the FA and FL? As for the tabloids, you'd hope they'd be frothing at the mouth with anticipation like Avram at a sex worker convention but I fear it will pass most of them by. It must be over a year ago that I compared their state to attending the funniest comedy festival ever. It's non-stop hilarity, inspired and original, but everytime you go to leave the venue at the end of the show, the curtain goes back up and they return and do some more. Wish I'd bought sandwiches, and the last train is long gone - not sure I can laugh any harder, please stop, it's too much.

after reading the business news can there be anyone out there who still thinks that pompey are in safe hands? We've had all the mafia stuff and the money-laundering accusations, sometimes these things are overplayed. But now we even know where the dirty money is going to come from. The professional business credibility of this russian is like the driver's door of his Porsche, shot to bits. I still find it difficult to believe that they have managed to find worse owners at every takeover, but if they win at Watford everything will be rosy in the garden. It's a funny old game.

thanks for the offer Gemmell but as Ho will tell you, I waste far too much of my life on this thread without having 24/7 access! Well that is a bombshell today, and the FSA will be chuckling to themselves after pointing out all these issues a while back. And for View from the Top, I think the general feeling is that one of pompey's fit and proper owners has just been shown up to be worth very little, it appears that he has been linked to criminal activity, and one of his businesses is facing accusations of fraud. Apart from that he's doing okay. On the surface this looks like quite a significant blow to CSI's street cred, I look forward to some spin telling us otherwise. Meanwhile pompey have had to cough up something to Spurs over Begovic today - their reluctant but unavoidable delayed payment is being promoted as a positive move by the new owners to renew their relationship with Spurs - sadly I think any dealing with Redknapp could be seen as unwise at the moment. How long before Appleton asks what on earth is going on? Cotterill must ring him and just laugh down the phone most days. Plenty more laughs.

if they're cleared, hopefully they'll celebrate with an armed raid in Chandlers Ford. Re-offending rate of the Chandlers Ford two? Currently zero, so it works as a system.

the figures added up? Outgoings - Purchase bits of dockyard and the entire harbour front housing and businesses at The Hard and surrounding area - maybe £500M? Reclaiming of the waterfront area for construction - £100M? Income - Sell Fratton Park - £15M (yeah right!) So you have spent anything from £500M-£750M and you are ready to go to planning or to dig the first footings. It was a fantasy scheme from day one, and cost £1M in fees to get that far - insane. Looking at that map again, even the 'turning the pitch' plan requires the purchase of two blocks of land - and the child-maimer isn't going to be selling bits and pieces, he wants top dollar for the lot - or perhaps to squeeze the club to bankruptcy so he can get in there again like a vulture. I know Ho says that the land isn't worth anything, but it is to someone who needs it for development, so the arms dealer who was introduced to the club as a safe pair of hands by the tax-evading previous owner, looks to still be nicely in control of most things pompey. Until Chanrai's debt is cleared he retains control of the ground, Gaydamak owns everything else, the Russians must be 3rd in charge down there until they cough up the money to Chanrai. They need to find a shedload of cash from somewhere because starting an academy from scratch and employing a keen young cheap manager is great for ten years time, but doesn't solve the problems that exist today. A new ground is key to the future so they need to find millions, sooner rather than later. The business plan looks a little fragile - April will tell us if they are the real deal when they either put some money on the table or AA re-enters stage left for more financial jiggery-pokery and creditor-raping. Looking at recent history I would be surprised if the CVA start date dawns without incident, especially as the Russians didn't seem to know it existed when they made their first press statement that included the odd phrases 'clean slate' and 'debt-free'.

I too agree with Ho. ......I'd be very surprised if a points penalty popped up now - but, I was surprised that the Mandaric and Redknapp case seems to refer to alleged tax evasion via the football club, rather than some dodgy personal deals. If the payments were made in Manadaric's role as owner to manager, that should be difficult for the football authorities to ignore. They need to cook up an alternative version of events a bit sharpish, but they've had a while to do that. As for Storrie - that is still a mystery, he looks like the man with control over what happens next. Both Ho and I have clearly heard from different sources (presumably!) that Storrie is a free man. If he had been cleared of all charges with no deals, surely he would be all over the press confirming his innocence? But I hear nothing....

good point Dronski! I can't believe a fellow Saints fan would attack me for commenting on pompey in a comedic manner. So Sour Ho, as king of the blue few - do show me the post where I said they were 'toast' - that really isn't my style, I tend to offer opinions rather than grand claims - or abuse. In the meantime get yourself a good woman/man, your posts are all feisty and frustrated, you need to chill bro. As for other people who don't like the thread - see if you can work out the best way to avoid it.... There are plenty of threads I avoid, I tend to do it by not clicking on them. Followed by not posting. Or posting again. It's complex I know, but it seems to work.

you could be right actually - a cheap manager that could go either way, the club implicated in tax evasion, a CVA still unstarted, and parachute payments running out quicker than Avram in a brothel raid - yeah, nothing to talk about - all is well over there. And one day they might even exit administration to the satisfaction of the football league! I guess we should just quietly accept all the daily delusion that those of us on the frontline to the east have to hear, rather than discussing it. If only the few could leave this thread alone it would just fade away but they keep pumping new life into it with crazy arguments. Hopefully they will stop and we can then discuss important stuff like whether Louis should step down from X-Factor or what we think of the dresses on Strictly. So it was fun but the thread is over. Move along, pompey have restructured, are well-financed, the new ground is taking shape and they look really strong for a promotion push - nothing to see here.

and a tip for JackFrost - wear studs. Stewards in their slippery-soled Hush Puppies trying to catch a streaker with the correct footwear for wet grass will be hilarious, you'll look like a naked Martin Offiah in his prime.

just returned from muddy Wales Rally GB to discover that Ho thinks I'm an unfunny ****. Quite upset me that....actually, now I think about it....no it didn't! I got over it before he'd finished typing! Did chuckle at the re-writing of West Brom's recent history, very funny that gag about whatever this bloke is called carrying the manager, nice one! Have they sorted that toilet flush yet? I checked the international sport headlines as they are such a massive club, but no mention. I'm surprised that the tax evasion charges against the Fratton two actually appear to be club-related rather than personal and seem to fit the bill of financial irregularities. The russians can now look forward to their company name being dragged through the mud in the New Year, and then they will have a CVA to start, all against the backdrop of a bargain basement manager learning his trade at the expense of their league position. Thankfully Cotterill is such a plonker that he might chuck them some cash for players - money their creditors will look forward to seeing no doubt...I mean, they won't delay the CVA again, that would make the business look fragile. Odd and worrying times for most clubs, but just a normal week for the few.

both businesses got into trouble......and that me old mate is where the similarity ends. One business made drastic cuts, the other went on a spending spree which they could never honour - and as you well know, that is the main gripe that drives this thread. How can a business that is insolvent outbid other clubs etc? - they just flicked the Vs at football and their own city. I won't list the crimes again, I'm sure you are aware of all the dodgy things done when the company was clearly insolvent, all cynically done to gain an advantage on the pitch, and don't kid yourself it's just a local rivalry thing. If Leeds had done that we would be up in arms, if Luton Town had done it we would still look at them with disdain - the fact that our nearest neighbours committed all these crimes just means more fuel is thrown at the fire. There's a hope that some justice will be dished out on the pitch next month as it certainly hasn't been done in the courtroom - but we shall see. You might ruin our Christmas - then we might ruin your season. And as one who doesn't bother to dish out personal abuse, for many, Ho's street cred sailed long ago I'm afraid, so there won't be much nodding. He doesn't even quote me now, I think he doesn't love me anymore.

and that's why Mack is our fave - he tells it like it is.

post-war attendances, past silverware, sepia glory days? - yet the recent cup final captain was left unpaid.......so these current arguments are just straws being clutched to distract from the league table. We have come back from nearly 50 league places below them, and for the moment appear to be doing quite nicely thank you. Tis very simple - this thread has been incorrectly named all along - it should be pompey overtaken. That has clearly happened - and if we gain promotion in the next year or two it would be a fitting way to end the thread. Overtake completed, au revoir for 27 years plus. They are being squeezed from both sides, there's little light at the end of the blue tunnel, so small victories must be celebrated. When our historic and staggering home run falters, as it will, no doubt the gobby ones will be all over it like caravanners on their sisters at communal bathtime - if there is such a thing. Personally if my team had surrendered 60 odd league places to arch rivals in the blink of an eye, I wouldn't be on other team's boards boasting about a slightly dodgy history, especially as the present hurts greatly, and the future looks fragile at best. For me they will only be accepted back into football league life proper when the CVA has been addressed and the local businesses and charities placated. They are still playing outside the rules while those issues remain outstanding, as they have been since Mandaric overspent on promotion. Perhaps this £2K a week manager offer is the start of prudent spending, if so that should be applauded. But there is little else to cheer the few so sympathy for the deluded feisty ones seems to be the kindest action.

Pompey is a big club, the last undeveloped big club in Britain Beyond deluded - absolute fantasy. Potential crowds in the high 30Ks? Mmmm, only if Barcelona were playing Man Utd in the Champions League final at the Harbourdome. I suppose that while undeveloped little minnows like Villa, Spurs and Liverpool cower in pompey's vast shadow awaiting the next stage in their own business plans, the mighty blue sleeping giant is preparing to fix the flush on a toilet....a move that will see the regional superpower lord it over the rest of the world for a thousand generations. I feel a bit sorry for some of them when they vocalise those sort of thoughts. Then they open their mouths and some more mental stuff falls out, and I don't feel sorry anymore.