rallyboy

half of the great comedy on this thread has been supplied by delusion from the east so I say keep it as it is. Who can read some of Ho's classic and keep a straight face? I'm sure he's not for real, he's just toying with us - that U-turn on the land value was a trolling mistake - one minute it's £3M/£4M, next minute it's a Tesco new town coming in at £20M. Either way we should accept other fans as long as they behave, which they seem to do, once they've been identified. Anyway, I want to hear more about Jo Cala opening the world's first underwater petting and detention centre for dogs convicted of fraud, or the great ITK stuff from the son of the kitman - classic! Every day another Portsea pub myth. I thought the golden era was coming to an end when Avram shuffled back to his club-financed car and driver with his tracksuit trousers around his ankles and little Avram pointing the way like a tiny flagless linesman signalling offside, but no, the hilarity continues. And just as a minor point, if my club had used my season ticket money to pay for whores, rather than applauding the prossie-bothering serial relegation-monger, I think I might have asked what the feck was going on. Nasty league, naughty owners - poor old bestest plucky few, innocent victims, every one of them. One Peter Storrie, one Peter Storrie, ad lib and fade....

A lot of defensive body language around that table, no one showing leadership qualities, apart from the guy demanding to know who has stolen Sooty. In London it sounds like his accountant and the dog have run this scam together, I hope they both get long sentences as a result, and pay poor old Harry some compensation for dragging him through court. In cash. Hang on, let's just hear that Oxford bit again - did we have an instance there of a club manager holding a significant financial stake in another club? Mmmm. And Ho is so obviously like his club, on a wind-up. £20M from Tesco? Yeah Is that from the kitman's son's dog that he walks socially every few weeks?

My understanding is this - North One agreed to buy the rights to WRC 2012 (at a crazy price, outbidding others - familiar?) As with pompey they lost their funding and defaulted on payment, also they couldn't deliver the contractual TV coverage required by the sport. The sport retained the rights as they hadn't been paid, making CSI's only other asset worthless. Well done rallying, I'm proud of you! Local MP sells soul to win votes in grubby and clumsy PR campaign shock - so Penny old girl, which votes are worth more to you, the football ones, or the local people whose relatives have to die at home because tax-related cuts have closed the vital ward at QA? Your choice! - I guess the vote of football fans has more longevity than the vote of the terminally ill. Nice work. Perhaps you'd like to go and tip a few kids out of wheelchairs while you're at it, they're below voting age - go on, get on the pitch, take their giant cheque off them, use it to clean your moat or treat yourself to a duckhouse. Local MP supports tax evasion and charity-shafting company - even Han**** has been shrewd enough to keep quiet this time, and he has very little self control.

given the choice between informing his own staff, The Football League, AA, Lampitt, or even the media I would imagine that Chanrai will have gone out of his way to make sure the kitman's children are first to know of any major developments. I realise that this is the kitman who was earning more than our manager at one point but I'm pleased that he's still in the loop with all matters financial. Perhaps the kitman's son might like to advise his good friend Chanrai that next month he could head off a massive amount of bad publicity by paying it three weeks earlier. And by his job title I guess he's basically responsible for making sure the club 'washing machines' have been able to cope with anything that has passed through them in the last decade. Busy man, no wonder he was so well paid - and such a close friend of Chanrai. Any other pressing matters he can advise on?

how is the supporters' trust getting on with that sponsored walk and jumble sale fundraiser? Have they reached the £40M mark yet? .....Just accept it's over and form a proper club. And congrats should be in order to new Ho, more polite and less abusive by far. Still a little bit on the deluded side but hey ho. And what ever happened to Hot Wheels? They were great.

Lampitt is worried, Appleton is resigned to no new players, AA has said the situation is very serious, the few are planning a new club yet Ho is quite happy that there is no problem. Say no more. The lone voice of reason in a sea of madness....must be a lonely place to be. And mind the herd of elephants on your way out, yes, about 15 of them, over there by the door... Sad to hear that little Rosie is no longer around to enjoy her wealth, I don't know how long it is since the little cutie 'passed over' but I'm guessing that she might be down to the bare bones by now.

Man's best friend?? That pesky pooch has some questions to answer! Opening offshore bank accounts behind Harry's back, signing mediocre overpaid players in bulk purely to raise personal cash that she blew on liver and rabbit in a tin? And the scabby thing is strutting as bold as brass along the beach in Sandbanks while Harry has to pick up the sh!t? And why did Storrie let Rosie do all that? Even Pete must have realised that a dog doesn't understand the intricacies of cashflow and contracts, no wonder they overspent. With Rosie and Storrie there was one poodle too many sat on Harry's lap asking for their tummy to be tickled. Paw old Harry, he can't be the first bloke whose ended up in court because he has a greedy ***** in his life. Now he's been collared he's facing ruff justice, I presume the taxman followed leads.... ruff, ruff. I'm not here all week, it just seems like it sometimes!

how funny would it be if the prosecution introduces their first witness and he looks familiar - having just been extradited from the witness protection programme in the people's republic of Hayling? And for people asking why this subject is on here, the thread has evolved and this is the place for everything dirty about pompey. I would even suggest that the takeovers and tax evasion are to quote a phrase we might hear soon from the league, inextricably linked... Could Arry's defence be that he didn't know that the tax had been avoided - leaving Mandaric as the man who paid it to take the rap...either way, I can't see how the club could not be penalised if either is found guilty.

Honey I Maimed the Kids. Four Administrations and a Liquidation. In other news, I can now see the way forward for the few.... option A Continue to defend and finance the crooks that have been raping the club and the community in the name of PFC for the best part of a decade. option B Accept that the club is a dirty and tainted animal that needs shooting and launch a new honest community club. Take 3K fans to non-league grounds, sign players on sensible contracts who want to play for the shirt, win some, lose some, give a few little teams a hammering, and have a great time watching proper football as you make your way up the league pyramid. Surely it has to be the latter? The current club is finished, it has to be - even if AA physically drags it into March the pompey brand is sport's answer to an audience with Barrymore and Glitter. I don't recognise the last cup win, I don't even accept their current league position now as it's been obtained through breaking FL rules, someone has to get some tongs and a rusty needle - just lance this festering wart on the genitals of the game. I would welcome proper local rivals who want to play on a level playing field. Big respect to anyone with the drive to launch a new clean club. So bring on PFC2012.

it never rains but it pours....Solent reporting that Portsmouth Dockyard is facing closure. Though they've glossed over the fact that the football club is on the brink. How ironic is that - the club hits the buffers just when the land they need to build the Harbourdome incorporating undersea casino, cathedral, petting aquarium and Saab dealership is up for grabs. Unlucky.

the shrewdest guys are Appleton for not believing the hype and Akers for abandoning ship before he loses his house. They have escaped from tight corners before so nothing would surprise me, but this looks worse than it has ever been. And they still worry about a game at Cardiff that was completely irrelevant to their future. WAKEY WAKEY! - the elephant in the room just had triplets, and they'll all pregnant.

I reckon AA has shown the books to a madman and that madman is now telling everyone what he's seen. The lid is off and there are worms everywhere. It even frightened the nutter into thinking that undersea casinos are a better investment than pompey. Putting aside the insolvent signing of a convicted thug, unlike Fratton, this new tax story is a massive development, the immorality just goes on and on. From a pompey fan point of view, just when you thought one of your old mates couldn't sink any lower after fiddling with kids, it's like he's just been arrested for ****ing a spaniel in a busy shopping centre. It is a dirty and diseased club, someone please put them out of their misery. It has to stop.

insolvent. Next case. And intentionally so, turning down money, directing the loan from Chanrai not to pay tax but to players, once again the priorities are all wrong. They knew that if they missed wages the league would bang in the penalty, they hoped to hush up the missed tax. Tis nearly over.

you bedwetting nutjobs have been busy while I've been out all day. Took ages to catch up - but worth it, some funny stuff there! we don't have to waste any more time with individuals that want to generate column inches muttered Adronikou as he signed autographs, posed for photos with toothless simpletons and launched his new leisurewear range. Plenty more laughs to come methinks.

more bad news, after a recount it seems The News has decided the bestest weren't quite as bestest as they thought they were prior to the mass abandoning of the sunken ship.... It was a moment witnessed by an estimated 80,000 Pompey fans crammed onto Southsea Common. Where have the other mythical 170,000 gone? Presumably to the same place as the £35M playing squad and the £130M debt. Funny how none of the figures stack up these days.

this hilariously drawn-out tale of delusion and stupidity is starting to have a dark feeling to it, a sort of climatic, last chopper out of the last chance saloon, terminal edge about it... If they are approaching the end of this five year train crash, who is most to blame? Storrie and Redknapp for living a crazy dream? Mandaric for overspending to get out of the championship and setting the benchmark? Football itself for being unrealistic and encouraging debt? Mandaric for selling to unsuitable owners? The arms dealer for pretending he didn't own the club so he could clean money? The deluded fans for ignoring the alarm bells and behaving like mentally-scarred abuse victims by welcoming any dubious stranger who showed them affection? AA for lining up unsuitable owners? AA for lining up owners that didn't exist? Chanrai for taking advantage of an injured business in need of loans? Three times. The Russians for turning out to be linked to criminal activity when all we knew about them prior to them buying was that they were linked to criminal activity? The football authorities for allowing dodgy owners in? Lampitt for continuing to overspend money he knew they would never have? They all have their part to play and despite the blatant mistakes made by Lampitt, AA, Chanrai and some minor characters I would imagine the business was terminally damaged around the time that Mandaric sold. No clean owners could be found at that point and massive amounts of arms cash was needed to stabilise the club. When it became apparent that the house built on sand was actually a rickety shed built on a bloody heap of children's amputated limbs there was no way back. The last two or three years have been mainly about trying to sell a wheezy tortoise with a gammy leg as a racehorse, so if we were looking at who was responsible for this farce I would suggest that perhaps Mandaric, Storrie and Redknapp started the ball rolling, and it hasn't stopped yet. That trio might be in court for tax offences related to the club but IMO they should be in court for damage to the club, it started on their watch. In may be over soon, it may not, but in all fairness the club won't be lost this year because of the appalling decisions by Lampitt and AA, it was fatally damaged several years back, but no one would admit it. And please don't tell me that all was well until the child-maimer's money was suddenly frozen, the train was clearly de-railed before that. If you get in bed with arms dealers or sharks, don't moan when you get bitten or shot. The last couple of years has seen a variety of fire-fighting methods to try and save the business, but idiotic ones at every turn - quality over quantity caused massive damage, and when a lunatic like Cala points out the wages problem you know it was a stupid plan. Cala could be the final nail in the coffin, he's clearly a potless fantasist and as he appears to be mentally ill I would feel uncomfortable laughing at him. Briefly.

I'm surprised at Cala's claim of eight players' earnings amounting to £1.1 a month. If true that's crazier than any of us thought. I guess with the NI etc and win bonuses it could be possible. It would also mean that Lampitt has been spending money on wages at a ridiculous rate as half of those would have been agreed under his watch, the 'legacy issues' claim has run out of time, it's the current management who are responsible. I've often wondered how they've been allowed to outbid other teams while trading insolvently or actually in administration. Call me Mr Picky as that's a minor crime by their standards, but it must annoy other clubs. but we didn't cheat bleat the few... Being unable to service debts when they are due = insolvency. Paying money you don't have to gain a sporting advantage = cheating. I would chuckle if Ipswich take two of their youngsters in return for one overpaid old bloke.

yeah, Madonna mentioned you two had been bothering her.... while some of us have been out working I see the resident comedians have been messing with another webchat....asking those awkward questions in the style of deluded simpletons. You realise they only do the webchats for us now? There's none of the few on there, the extra thumbs make it difficult to type. That and the leaving school at six to pursue a career in the fairground/heather distribution trades. Loved the sharp Corrie/train crash link - the best comedy on here is generated when AA is at the peak of his powers, the bloke's an inspiration. And if he introduces Cala later this week as their saviour I'll have to either pay a fiver or write a screenplay, we'll have way too much material not to publish something on undersea casinos and preachers in their Ferraris. Unlike Heather Mills, this recently labelleddead in the water thread has plenty of legs.

though I still suspect there must be better than Cala waiting in the wings, from Chanrai's point of view, what more damage could the bloke do to his little project? AA will make him sign his life away, Chanrai will retain control and Marine Boy can mess about for a few months buying time to the all important parachute payment. Bring it on, I want to see this underwater Ferrari of his firing up.

yes Andrew,you made the Liebherr deal happen, through a third party!.... The Truth Option One. Mark Fry comes down to breakfast one morning and finds the mysterious Mr Cortese sat in his lounge, with a white cat on his lap and a briefcase full of cash. Option Two. Some random bloke hears Cortese loudly announcing his friend's business intentions in a pub. He then tells his mate AA, who then tells Mark Fry that there is a bloke interested. That's a difficult one, what seems more likely?.... And for those who are trying to keep up with the rallying bit, AA has indeed converted the North One '£30M asset' into a company owed £3M by CSI. So instead of selling their image rights to finance pompey, he actually needs to sell pompey to pay off North One. AA has also dumped another company in it by refusing to negotiate on timing equipment. Boss of NO explained how in future businesses should check this thread before making rash decisions - "We spent fortunes on due diligence while we were going through the sales process, so did the FIA. The Premier League and the Football League did the same because Portsmouth [Football Club] was involved; every single one of those came up independently clean. We were all taken for a ride, which is very disappointing. Adding, had I looked on Saints Web I would've heard alarm bells within ten minutes as those bed-wetting smug bastards always seem to know best - or maybe they just have a search engine.

why do they need to replace a bloke who isn't playing? It must be a simple move to save wages, offload an injured pensioner and use his wages to pay off creditors. Well done Lampitt, you are now running it a little bit like a business.

it looks a bit like puppetboy Andrew is just escorting the club back under the control of the loan shark. Chinny dreams of parachute payments on the distant horizon and his little eyes twinkle like Avram's brake lights in Derby Road. He must see a payoff somewhere down the line, it just seems that he'll have to pay out loads to get there. If he can get mad Joe to conjure up some funding for a month or two it's a bonus, and let's face it, Cala does look stupid enough to sign anything and take on the CVA for no apparent reason. But there must be another consortium, AA must have something up his sleeve. I note that Cala has opened his first undersea casino off Italy this weekend but I still don't think it'll take off as a an idea.

it will be a blow when Herman leaves. I've always thought the quality over quantity plan with half of your top earners never getting on the pitch is one of the schemes that has put them in with a good chance of getting out of the championship this season. Respect to Lampitt. Be interesting to see what sort of wages are offered for any new 'stars'. It must also be time to send Ben Haim back to train with the.....oh hang on, they don't have reserves, perhaps just make him run up and down the.....oh....there isn't a training ground..... Maybe just get him to walk up and down the Eastern Road with a wheelbarrow full of dirty cash and a cheeky grin, he'll be happy doing that. Must have been confusing for him yesterday as no one seemed to know which of the two clubs had his registration last year, turned out to be a simple banking error.

if Howe has some backing, why has AA ignored him? Could it be that Chanrai is the only game in town and his little puppet won't let anything else get in the way? It's also fair to assume that Wolanin didn't get rich by investing in lost causes so that could be a stumbling block to a proper deal, and I say proper as Cala is so obviously a clown that even AA won't unleash him on the remains of the club. In the meantime I guess we have to say, play up pompey! Ouch, that hurt, but it had to be done. To hope that West Ham beat pompey would be the definition of madness itself so don't ven consider it.....

The only reason I can see for the share issue idea would be as a clumsy way of trying to avoid the FaPPT. Club floats, dirty money from all over the world floods in on the back of promises to clean it, gangsters lose their money in some crazy undersea resort. Cala ends up floating face down. The End. Some seem to think this ridiculous guy is assisting the process by pushing the negotiations with a real consortium. Yes, I recall how well the involvement of a 2nd group helped the Liebherr bid............... Joke Cala is just delaying, confusing, and complicating any real deal - but he is very entertaining! Meanwhile AA is currently dealing with serious legal issues between North One and the rally timing company, handling the fallout with the FIA, selling off all of those quality companies in the CSI stable and if he has time I guess he'll be looking at the pompey situation too, mainly the repayment of the £10.8M. Him and his mate certainly haven't got time to spend all day sorting out pompey, and if AA is as sharp as we think, he won't let his colleagues near the books he conjured up last time and will have to handle that side of the CSI job personally. There might not be enough hours in the day to charge for all of that. And let's take it easy on Rory, he could do without too much flak at the other end of the M27, the best undercover agents don't advertise.