pap

X-Factor generation. Right there

Nice one scoobs. Very odd thing with kids at that age, isn't it? Mine was bricking it last night, especially after the downgrade announcement. I know from experience that in the grand scheme of things, GCSEs just a stepping stone to bigger and better things - yet it's everything to them. Really pleased you nipper got what he needed. Like him, my girl was locked away in her room for months. Great to see it all pay off.

She speaks scouse, but only really "scouses out" when mocking scallies, etc. As far as I know, no friends called Terry or Sharon, but there is still time for that to change.

Note. This was addressed to supersonic. Sorry for mix up.

Did you go to St Margaret's Finishing School for Miserable B@stards or something? Every contribution you've made on this thread has been to tell us the deal won't happen. Edit: see additional comments, silver. Replied to wrong post because I am stupid at times*.

Thanks shurlock, but the vast majority of the credit goes to her. I simply ensure that she doesn't have to live in a cardboard box. Uni wise, dunno. Heard some waffle from the school about scholarships for Harvard, etc - but I think this was just to sweeten her up when she was looking at a separate sixth-form. It's her call, really but I do have this romantic notion that she'll go to Southampton and rediscover her roots. Despite her being brought up Scouse, she does have a lot of Sotonian ways by virtue of cultural osmosis.

Alps is occasionally a nob. Feck that, who am I kidding? Alps is frequently a nob (sorry mate, but there it is). Offers absolutely nothing? Harsh. The place would be poorer without him

Yeah, loads has been reported. Lots of clubs preparing a bid. No concrete bids. Long may it continue.

I'd say that after having listened to that, transfer is more likely to happen than not. Someone would have to roll in with the cash quicksmart to prevent it.

To be fair, she can only take credit for the GCSEs. The whole "hypo is a virgin" thing is something that the whole of sisterhood takes ownership of.

Results are in. 3 A* 5 A 2 B Hypo still a virgin.

It's all a bit mental in Chez Pap today. The fruit of my loins picks up her GCSE results today. She has already gone online and discovered some of them. Still sweating on the results for English Lit and History, two subjects she is really into. Anyone else having a similarly weird day?

Saints super-secret New Forest bunker. After the inevitable apocalypse Southampton FC will emerge from the ruins to win a league and cup double, pipping Mutants United in both competitions.

Ah, reminds me of a mate I knew from Uni whose idea of a Spanish chat-up line was "sucko cocko". Probably the only person to go to Benidorm and not get laid.

Real tweets do at least live on Twitter.

In terms of wow factor, hopefully. In terms of application and commitment, hopefully not.

My level of excitement about a transfer normally involves a bit of daydreaming about how he'll fit into the team, and the sort of improvement it'll bring to our chances and reputation. If he signs, it'll be a massive step forward on a number of fronts. First, he's a gateway to a better quality of player. Then there is the improvement we'll get in the team. Finally, NC comes out of this smelling of roses - and other teams won't perceive us as a soft touch. Essential signing for this precise moment in time.

Turks, for the record, are you now a happy clapper or are you still fulfilling that role in a sarcastic honorary way?

For everyone believing all the Twitter noise about the deal being off, I have some magic beans and a Tower of London to sell. PM for details

This is according to his agent. Could be on the level. Could be yet more bluster.

People respect a position of strength!

Or Twitter full-stop. It's extremely telling that all of the "he's not signing" tweets are coming from Italy.

Does this mean we're in agreement? If so, I shall commission the commemorative statue immediately.

True story. One of my colleagues thought the lead singer was a "lovely looking girl"

Whole Beeb team are crap. Utterly incapable of critical analysis. Much too pally with each other, and offer no real insight. Lawro is the worst of the lot. I remember sitting in a black cab half-cut going into Liverpool. Taxi driver asks my mate where he's from, who says "Runcorn" (town just outside accepted scouse jurisdiction). Taxi driver says "you hit the crossbar there, lad". Lawro has hit the cross-bar his whole life. He knows he messed up by playing for the Republic, which informs most of his misery during England games. Will always be a question mark over his quality. His only real success in life came as part of the all-conquering LFC team, but he made less than a fringe player does now. Basically a miserable get, which I have no problem with. Just wish he confined himself to a cave instead of being given licence payer's cash to depress a nation.