My nextdoor neighbour is in a wheeliechair, her skin is like a mirror carp, her hair is like Worzel Gummidge, and she drives around giving orders in her battery portaloo.
In the summer she sunbathes naked, which isn't pretty as she only has one boob which hangs down past her belly button. Her legs are like twiglets, and her undercarriage resembles Demis Roussos but ginger.