NASA Announces Plans For A REAL Moon Landing
No More Fake Landings: "We're Going To The Moon For Real This Time"
CAPE CANAVAREL-- NASA spokesman Brian Kirk announced Monday that NASA is scheduled to attempt the world's first moon landing in the year 2006.
"We're going to the moon for real this time," said Kirk. "There will be no sound stages or doubled-up footage. We really are going to go to the moon."
After Kirk confirmed that NASA's 1969 moon landing was a fake, he made no apologies on their behalf for misleading the public.
"We embellished the first moon landing at the height of the Cold War and we had absolutely no moral qualms about doing it," stated Krik. "We gave America an edge in the 'world view' with our moon landing. We believe that it was a fantastic piece of [public relations] for America, Americans, and capitalism--when we needed it most."
Kirk conceded that there was one regret about the 1969 moon landing facade. NASA's only disappointment about the faked moon landing was in the gross underestimation of the American public and those idiots on The Saints Forum.
"I really think that we should have done a better job in faking the first moon landing. When we look back, it's really kind of embarrassing how poor a job was done in 1969. We didn't draw the star constellations correctly in the background; we simply doubled the footage in slow motion and thought that everyone would believe that everything was exactly half as slow on the moon's surface; we tried to make the public believe that we would spend 30 billion dollars to send a couple of astronauts to the moon to hit a bucket of golf balls and drive around in a lunar dune buggy. And, we used the exact camera angles that were used in the 1968 film, 2001: A Space Odyssey."
"I'm sure half of the people watching our historic 'live' broadcast of the 'first man on the moon' were having feelings of déjà vu," added Kirk. "It was just ridiculous."
"After the 1969 moon landing, NASA was questioned and mocked by astronomers and physicists--even slapped in the face by Hollywood with the movie Capricorn One," said Kirk. "We promise that this is not going to happen again. We regret and apologize for our poor job of portraying the 1969 'moon landing' and we plan to make it up to the public by going there 'for real' this time."
"We are fully prepared to really go to the moon in 2006 and do intensive geological and atmospheric testing," said Kirk. "We want to know everything about the moon's mineral make-up and its structure."
"And we're going to leave the golf clubs at home," Kirk quipped.
Previously unreleased photo of the moon landing set inside a mocked-up NASA hangar.
