Dog

Willy Rushtons chiropodist when I was 17, the dirty ba5tard had toes like a chicken.

Babysitting and gold rustling, Hannon Street is the brothel, I do recall paying a free visit, she was like a blonde Dawn French with a beard.

Lived in Kalgoorlie for 6 months. What a pile of kangaroo poop that was, it was rough as they come and like the wild west. A good crack at weekends and the aussie girls were sex mad.

TK Maxx is a second hand charity shop and full of stuff too sh¡t to put in the Freemans catalogue.

If you eat a tablespoon of Marmite in one go, it's impossible not to vomit. Marmite is a cure for acne. Marmite restores hair loss. Marmite makes your teeth whiter than white. Marmite makes you sleep.

I used to stalk jillyanne day and night, that is until she sent me graphic photos of her groin goatee and a dry cleaning bill.

Deppo was watching me through the window taking a shower last night from behind a parked VW beetle.

My boy is Matthew. My girl is Claus. My fishing boat is Marian. My co_ckerel is Papa.

Watched Wolf Creek & Texas Chainsaw Massacre saturday night whilst camping, drinking scrumpy & on the cheese, mindblowing!!

Cheryl Coles weight has plummeted to 83lbs. Looking at that picture, her haid must weigh half of that.

Everyone loves the donkey. http://www.vbs.tv/watch/the-vice-guide-to-sex--3/asses-of-the-caribbean--3

Fenerbahce football club september 1990, no toilet door, no bog roll, 200+ fans watching, throwing up with the smell and sh*t stains so I pooped on the terraces.

After 11 long days in hospital, recovering from a nasty bout of malaria, Chery Cole is OUT! She's out, but not 100% recovered. Doctors have told her she can't have sex or drink booze. A source told The Sun: "Cheryl managed to summon enough energy for a giggle when she was given the news about a sex ban. It's the last thing on her mind right now. "She has also been told to avoid alcohol for the coming weeks."

If you have the time (up to twelve hours a day) you can add length to your penis by stretching it with special devices or by hanging weights from it. The idea is that by applying sustained tension and traction, the cells inside the penis muscle will receive microscopic tears and then hopefully divide and multiply. There are a couple of caveats to penis stretching with weights. First of all it is extremely time consuming. To be effective, tension has to be maintained for up to twelve hours a day, seven days a week. Secondly there are the substantial risks. To stretch a penis you always need to somehow attach these weights by clamping something around the neck of the penis glans. This often cuts off the blood supply for a prolonged time, which can result in tissue death, infection, gangrene and even amputation. And lastly there is the general consensus that stretching is only effective for penile elongation. The thickness of the penis will stay the same or often even decrease.

The most advanced jet fighter in the sky at the moment. Just watch the short take off and instant high rise, it really is amazing. I witnessed this actual film on saturday afternoon.

Did you suck her co_ck?

Yeah it was brilliant, had about 7 hours sleep in 3 nights, bad back, cold and dirty pikey feeling. The airshow was great & the Raptor stole the show. I didn't take a poo until I got back to Burford Little Chef, which takes some doing after 2 days of BBQing and gallons of Stowford Press. Thanks for asking

One of my nipples is twice the size of the other one, I only discovered this, this morning, one has actually shrunk.

So birds can twang and suck them when you're conker deep in them?

Yeah, that would be the main Supermatch game answer.

For picking pieces of bacon out of your teeth?

I have fallen face down and put my arm down a Turkish squat toilet outside the Ayia Sophia which had 30+ big red co_ckroaches and a fat black rat which was darting in and out of the overflow pipe to feed on all the undigested iskender kebab that bobbed in the foul smelling water, complete with the hundreds of mosquitos that were dancing around the 60w light bulb. No toilet roll to wipe, just a meter of hosepipe and a plastic jug, beauuuutiful!!

What is the point in having nails? T