Halo Stickman

In a lone rogue pilot or co-pilot scenario, I’m assuming one or other would need to be locked out of the flight-deck – an occurrence which I imagine would be extremely difficult to conceal from the cabin crew and passengers.

Now that we seem to have MH370’s crash-site confirmed, is it possible to calculate for how long such negotiations could have taken place before the pilot headed south? Also, is there a way such negotiations could have taken place discrete from eavesdropping third parties?

It’s life, Jim, but not as we know it. Oh dear, that’s twice in a week I’ve used that line – maybe it’s time I got some new material.

The only pets my kids ever had were goldfish, stick insects and damn tamagotchis – we’re not exactly a family of pet lovers. However, when I was a boy we had a Jack Russell called Muttley. Even now, more than 40 years on, it still makes me smile when I think about that little dog. When he was a puppy he had a sense of direction like a homing pigeon, and wouldn’t walk in any direction other than homewards. We would carry him to all parts of the village, spin him round in an attempt to confuse him, yet still he wouldn’t walk in any direction that led away from our house. At night he would sleep in the garage; my dad would let him out in the morning, and Muttley would come tearing into the house, yapping and wagging his little tail, run into my sister’s bedroom yap, yap, yap, leap up on to her bed; then into my bedroom yap, yap, yap; then into my mum’s bedroom yap, yap, yap; then back to my dad in the kitchen, yap, yap, yap. He always seemed so pleased to see us – or perhaps he was just scolding us for locking him in that freezing cold garage each night. Then, when Muttley was about 3 years old, he was run over by a car. We rushed the poor little chap to the vet, who patched him up as best he could, dosed him up with pain-killers, and told us to bring him back in five days time. He warned us to prepare ourselves for the worse because it was likely that Muttley had sustained serious internal injuries. For five long days poor Muttley didn’t move from his basket, and barely ate or drank a thing; but, at least, by then, we’d moved his basket from the garage into the dining room. On the morning of the fifth day, Mum called me and my sister into the living room and told us that it would be kinder for Muttley to have him put to sleep. Naturally, we were upset, but, even as kids, we realised that what mum said was true. But, at that very moment we heard a soft scuffing sound, looked round, and there was Muttley dragging himself on his belly along the hallway, looking up at us with his sad dog eyes as if to say: hang on guys, I’m not finished yet, give me a few more days and I’ll get over this. Sure enough, by the following week, Muttley was back on his feet! But, sadly, he was never the same again. Perhaps as a legacy of his accident, he became aggressive and snappy. The postman, the milkman and the little girl next door all fell victim to his newly acquired passion for biting people. As a result, we did have to have him put to sleep eventually. With hindsight, perhaps it might have been better to have done this straightaway after his accident. Crikey, here am I – someone who’s not particularly keen on dogs – writing an epic about a dog that’s been dead for over 40 years! I guess old Muttley must have meant even more to me than I realised. So, in conclusion, Gemmel, I genuinely sympathise with yours and your family’s impending loss. But, if it’s any consolation, rest assured, your memories of your dog will last a life time.

Got to say, those four Saints players – Lambert, Roderiquez, Lallana and Shaw – have just given me one of my proudest moments as a Saints’ supporter, and all without even kicking a ball! Fantastic interview; fantastic bunch of lads.

I think you’re on the wrong forum, Whitey.

Number 10, David's den.

The men folk of Barbados gather at the home of Mr and Mrs Freeman to welcome their announcement of Titania Fanny

That could be Barry – miniature hubcap necklaces are very popular in Liverpool.

Looks like they decided on option 1

If it weren't for the fact that Barry's a man, that's an almost perfect description of Mrs Stickman

Barry’s not keen on the waterfront either, which is a shame because they’re looking for someone to fill the Marlon Brando role at my local amateur dramatics society.

I think you should take up bletch’s option 1 – that sounds like an exciting evening. Don’t they call that type of thing '70s night' in Liverpool?

That’s probably just as well – what with all his anti-Southampton rhetoric of late, anyone finding Barry in the city might just be tempted to tell him to f*ck off back to Liverpool.

Quite right, Tim, and if the link I posted last week to the Holodomor Famine is anything to go by then the Russians were also not adverse to eliminating the local population beforehand. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holodomor

Aye, Fowllyd, there’s a sense of Portsmouth remorse and setting sun on that thread. It reminds me of when dear old Morse, approaching the end of his days, sat outside the pub quoting A. E. Houseman to Lewis: Ensanguining the skies How heavily it dies Into the west away; Past touch and sight and sound Not further to be found, How hopeless under ground Falls the remorseful day.

On reflection, Tokes, I suppose it’s got potential for some wacky word wizardry.

Quick bletch, we need more word games – Tokes is on the main board with MLG trying to organise a TMS quiz about football stadium expansion or some other such nonsense FFS!

It's life, bletch, but not as we know it.

Quality, Bear.

That’s when matron took all my toys away for several months because I’d been very naughty

If white space = work, then Bear is very business in the evenings and at weekends and should show those bubbles to his boss and demand a pay rise.

This looks like it should be on Bletch’s Hilarious Fun With Words thread to me.

Barry, if this were possible, then I agree with you that now might be a good time to do it, because, whilst I doubt we’re on the verge of WWIII, I wouldn’t be too surprised if all this ends up in Cold War II.

A military response is almost certainly out of the question, and sanctions are likely to end up hurting the West more than Russia, so, IMO, how this plays out is down to one man: Vladimir Putin, a man, handpicked to replace Boris Yeltsin in 1999, who has ever since – including during the presidency of Dimitry Medevdev – been the de facto ruler of a country where large swathes of the populace regard him as part Tsar, part General Secretary, part CEO and part patrimonial lord. In short, this is a man used to getting his way. Interesting days ahead, I think.