jeff leopard

I watched two of 2009's more notable films yesterday, a low budget character piece showered in praise, and a mega-budget blockbuster undone by critical and commercial indifference. Moon I won't say anything about the plot, because this is definitely one to go into knowing as little as possible, beyond the fact that it was inspired by the likes of Silent Running/Solaris/2001 and Space 1999. It's mind-bending and engaging without really being thought-provoking, and lacks an emotional punch to match the late 60s/early 70s sci-fi classics, as ultimately it doesn't seem to be about anything particularly deep or resonant. But it’s a joy to see a modern piece of sci-fi that treats its audience with respect, and is pretty much essential viewing to anyone who doesn’t need something huge to explode every 10 minutes or so in order to stay tuned. 8/10 Terminator 4: Salvation When Terminator 4 started production, Christian Bale was coming out with quotes like 'I insisted that the story didn't rely on special effects and could be told on a stage in a theatre' and 'This will have more in common with Cormac McCarthy's The Road than most action films'. Well, if there was any depth, characterisation, or dramatic tension, then it was crushed like a puny human skull under an endless precession of huge things exploding every ten minutes and standard action movie clichés. This film displays zero confidence in its own ability, and instead merely goes through the motions and occasionally reminds you how good the early films where by recycling their better moments. Watching this and Robocop 3 reminded me that when dealing with sequels to movies you love, it pays off to expect to see something terrible, and maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised. This was never going to be on a par with the first two terminator films, or even the third one, but at the same time, its not nearly as bad as the Transformer films. There are even a few decent moments which suggest this could have been a good film, but its designed by committee, is utterly predictable, bares the scars of being re-written a trillion times, and, like a terminator, is soulless and humourless (there's also a worrying lack of swearing or blood), but if you turn the sound up to eleven, and drink yourself back to the age of 12, you might find yourself actually enjoying it. 4/10

I've not seen 'Once upon a time in the Midlands' which Meadows has disowned, or his latest one about the roadie and the mc, but i loved 24/7, Romeo Brass, This is England, and some of his early short films, but Dead Man's Shoes is the bomb, its very very sad, but the more i watch it, the more the gang's humour comes through. and yeah, the lsd scene is amazing. I'm not proud but i decided to watch Robocop 3 last night (the best and cheapest way to get Robocop on dvd is to buy the trilogy) and i'm willing to eat my words, as in a way its better than Robocop 2. Yes its terrible, but where as 2 was terrible and genuinely nasty, 3 is terrible and camp, and easily qualifies as 'so bad its watchable'. OCP are forcibly evacuating everyone from the run-down parts of Old Detroit to build Delta City and putting the poor into concentration camps, and the relocation troops are evil, how do we know that, because their leader is played by an English actor using his plummiest voice (boo-hiss). And an evil Japanese company now owns OCP (more booing and hissing). There's a horrifically cutesy kid which befriends Murphy and has the ability to reprogramme every Ed 209 and evil robot they come across (including a gaggle of robo-ninja's), its stars Josh from West Wing and Arty from Larry Sanders Show, the action scenes are either laughably bad (think A-Team) or just plain disappointing (obviously there was no money for a fight choreographer), and the script from Frank Miller is p1ss-weak. But the best part is definitely the sight of Robocop in a jet-pack! Cue hilariously bad special effects of him flying around and blowing sh1t up. 3/10

Bongo? Yeah, it’s a p1sser that if you finish first or second, you have to play your main rivals in the first game of the next season, with just a cup game to get the boys warmed up. And then you have to wait till the last game of the season to face them again. Here's to round three of the cup though, who have you been drawn against? My fans have us down as favourites in our round 3 game against a freshly promoted league 5 team, who hopefully would have lost a couple of times in the league before we face them. I'm going to get my 4-5-1 counter-attacking tactic out, and whilst its not too pretty, it seems to work against teams that look stronger than us on paper/VDU screen. My kiddies are sitting proudly at the top of the league after a 9-0 away win yesterday (admittedly, against a completely bobbins team), and one of my newbies got a hattrick in six second-half minutes. Outstanding.

After Star Wars ep 1, 2, 3 and Indiana Jones 4, Lucas shouldn't be allowed to go anywhere near a film again. Kershner did a great job on Empire Strikes Back, but lets not forget another sequal to a sci-fi classic that he directed - Robocop 2. Not only is it terrible on just about every technical and artistic level, it also leaves a very nasty taste in the mouth due to the script by Frank 'shameless Nazi' Miller. The only thing that saves it is that, somehow, Robocop 3 was considerably worse.

1 ball left…either lose or draw…test cricket fracking rocks!

Yes, exactly that point. It just gives the whole thing another layer of bitter-sweetness. The full length version of Two Towers is my fave of the three by some way, its just a rollicking old-school piece of Hollywood, heavy on the swash'n'buckle and with enough romance to keep everyone happy. The build up to the Helms Deep battle is wonderfully done, and the moment where it starts raining just before kick-off is just priceless. And I found myself really caring about Aragon and his lady friend. The film has its faults, of course, the Helms Deep battle gets way too jokey as it goes on, and the big emotional scene between Sam and Frodo at the end is maybe the worst thing I've ever seen in my whole life. But by and large, and especially compared to the third film (which I thought was pretty dull), its great fun. But, then again, I don't have any allegiance to the books as I've not read them.

that's one of the real joys of art-house/world cinema/non-hollywood cinema/call it what you will. the hollywood remake is already being made, and i think its wrong to assume all hollywood remakes are rubbish, but i'm sure certain things will be spelled out. such as the 'father figure' to the vampire in the first half of the film

round three la la la! last night we beat a league 6 team very comfortably to reach round three for the first time. we've been drawn against a side who have just been promoted to league 5, and if we have a really good game, we could have them [-o

I watched Brazil last night and was reminded that back in the mid-80s it was regarded by the young hip things as possibly the greatest film of all time, or at least a flawed masterpiece. The passing years, alas, haven't been too kind, and for all its visual flair, the tone and pace of the film lurch awkwardly from knock-about farce to hand-wringing tragedy and back again. Its too unsubtle to be considered social satire, and too long to maintain any dramatic tension. Its full of wonderful touches of course, some nice Pythonesque moments of comedy, Jonathon Pryce and Micheal Palin are both great, and visually its always arresting, but as a film, its just too unfocused and (dare I say it) dull to really grab the viewer. It’s a curious piece though, a hybrid of Blade Runner, 1984, Franz Kafka/Orsen Welles's The Trial and Monty Python, but its nowhere near as good as it thinks it is (or i thought it was). For my money, Twelve Monkeys is Gilliam's best film, which gets better with each viewing. 6/10

oh dear oh dear, SA are getting away and looking all too comfortable, an England win is now looking a very unlikely result, and their bowlers are toiling with little reward. bugger.

Not a great deal happens in the book but its still utterly absorbing and the best thing I've read in years, but its hard for films to get away with no having much in the way of action. I'm still looking forward to seeing it though. When i was reading the book I could imagine Viggo being perfect for the role, also good news that his son isn't too drippy or annoying. I've recently watched two films adapted from classic novels - Watchmen - its been about a year since I saw it in the cinema, and in my post-new year's eve state, it was suitably violent and mindless. I've not read the graphic novel so I'm happy to give it the benefit of the doubt (unlike V for Vendetta and From Hell), and its infinitely better than the director's previous film, 300. Its long, of course, but despite not having slept for several days, it kept me hooked. And Rorschach makes an interesting and genuinely sympathetic hero. 7/10 The Trial - Orson Welles's 1960s version of Franz Kafka's classic unfinished novel mixes film noir and french new wave, as Joseph K awakes one morning to find himself arrested for an unspecified crime and hopelessly tangled in a bureaucratic nightmare. The enormous sets and vast numbers of extras are incredible, especially in the current age of over-used and under-whelming cgi. It plays out as a black comedy, and the tone gets a little too hysterical toward the end, but its visually stunning and obviously a massive influence on the films of Terry Gilliam, especially Brazil. 8/10

I beat my main rivals 3-1 yesterday which gives me a huge advantage in my bid to retain the league 6 title. Presently, they're the only other decent side in the league so it looks like it will be a case of not dropping points against the meh sides and hoping I can get a big advantage in goal difference for the away leg on the last game of the season. Tomorrow night I've got a league 6 team in the cup, and even though the fans think they have the edge, I reckon I can have them and progress into the third round. It should be exciting either way. Is anyone going to take part in the mentoring scheme? I'm quite tempted.

As Hollywood remakes of European Art Cinema goes, i thought Soderbergh's version was alright. Its much shorter than the original and obviously has much better special effects, but it doesn't capture the unforgettable dream-like nature of Tarkovsky's original. I've just read The Road which was amazing, but by most accounts the film version isn't all that. If Tarkovsky was still alive today he would have been the perfect director for The Road, it would have been three hours plus long, and not a great deal would happen, but by the end the audience would have been on profound journey. Or Lynch is another director who could get the balance right between mundane existence with earth-shattering horror potentially around each bend. Oh well, read the book, its ace!

a big big review for smith's wicket....out!

just awesome!!!!

I've just finished David Niven's Bring on the Empty Horses, a collection of memoirs and anecdotes from the golden age of Hollywood (the 30s to the early 60s) which cover the biggest stars, the luckless extras, gossip colomnists and prostitutes, all of whom fell in love with the dream which inevitably shatters at some point. Camping in the wilds with Clark Gable, renting a swinging bachelor pad with Errol Flynn, all washed down with Herculean amounts of whisky and the kind of casual drug use that could make Shaun William Ryder blush. What shines through is the character of the great man himself, and what a brilliant writer he was. Thoroughly un-put-downable. As its Christmas and I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy, I've just started The Road by Cormac McCarthy. So far its an utterly compulsive story, brilliantly told in a strikingly vivid palette of greys. Its a bit on the gloomy side but I'm sure they'll be a happy ending where everything is made better

Sideways is a great film, I also recommend the other films by the same director; Election - brilliant and brutal look at b1tchiness and back-stabbing amongst staff and students at a typical american high school. 9/10 About Schmidt - This is even drier than Sideways, very downbeat but with an unforgettable emotional money-shot at the end that makes all the doom and gloom worth while. Possibly Jack Nicholson's best performance ever. 8/10 These are very much dramadies, comedies which are more bitter than sweet, but great never the less.

I've got a league 7 bot-team to ease me into the season, I'll probably put out a half and half mixture of reserves and first team. And then, unless the new human teams improve dramatically, the first league game of the season will have a huge say on who wins the league oo-pardon. seriously though, best of luck in league 5, I bet its going to be a tough season for you. and yeah, I found the same thing with posh seats, the fans don't want to sit in them, I just assumed that my ground was located in a working-class part of town. but from now on I'll be adding to the cheap seats and terraces and pushing capacity up to 35,000. As you go up the leagues you'll probably get a better class of fan, willing to spend a few extra quid.

Yeah, the fight betwen Kong and the T-rex's (T-rexi?) should have been incredible, and i seem to remember it starts well, but, like the whole film, it gets stretched out to an absurb length, and just ended up being dull and laughably bad, both at once. But are you really telling me that you missed the bit where Naomi Watts and King Kong go ice-skating in Central Park? Dude, you have no idea how bad the film gets.

I used to love Dr Who back in the Pertwee/Baker era, and I tried really hard to like the newer stuff, but it just left me feeling let-down every time. Obviously the show has quite a big budget, but every episode I've seen has over-reached by trying to be a mini-Hollywood-blockbuster and as a result has ended up being swamped in really cheap cgi. Some of the best 'human drama' I've seen recently has been in sci-fi's or horror films, and from what I saw, Dr Who really missed a trick by going for the bland bombast. My nephews love it though.

Because we've got two painfully old stereotypes at work, that tough guys are all straight, and gay folks are limp-wristed dandies. I'm no rugby fan but Gareth Thomas has done a great thing here. Yes, he waited until he knew his coming out wouldn't harm his career or his place in hearts of Welsh men and women, but its still incredibly rare for sportsmen to come out. Hopefully now it will be a bit easier for the next generation of sports men and women to be open about who they are. And maybe, just maybe, sports crowds will have long since stopped giggling about homosexuality like a bunch of primary school children Whenever you get lots of men together without women (in a sports team or an institution) you inevitably get a certain amount of man on man love (either platonic or sexual), and titanic amounts of denial/guilt and self-loathing which is projected externally. Just remember, homophobes are self-hating homosexuals who don't have the courage to come out. And I should know (:smt089 i hate myself so much)

I watched Strange Days again recently, the very silly millennium-eve sci-fi thriller thingy, and was surprised to see that it was written and produced by James Cameron. But then suddenly everything made sense, especially in the wake of Avatar's release. Like most Cameron projects, Strange Days has (by American standards) some pretty liberal politics at its heart, its set against the back-drop of the Rodney King beating/LA riots and comes down clearly on the side of oppressed black masses. But any real insight into the riots is undone by two-dimensional and leaden-footed characterisation and a preponderance of wince-inducing cliché. Strange Days is about an hour too long and suffers from Cameron's belief that 'why have one ending when you can have four or five in a row, until the audience are literally baying for death' . All the good work done in the first 90 mins is dashed by the increasingly awful final third, which goes from being a bit silly to side-splittingly hilarious. (As much as I love Aliens, I can happily stop it and walk away when Ripley decides to go and rescue Newt) This is a shame as most Cameron films have a really interesting concept at their heart, but it usually gets lost under rolls of cinematic fat. One of the reasons Terminator is so great is that it doesn't outstay its welcome. One of Strange Day's strengths is good old Ralph Feinnes as the unmasculine hero who needs saving by a kick-arse female character (see every Cameron film ever made, and I'm assuming this is also present in Avatar). I like Ralph and much prefer his winy American junky in Strange Days to his Don Logan impersonation in In Bruges. So, despite some great ideas, a few interesting twists and a solid performance from Feinnes, best to avoid Strange Days, especially as its directed in the style of a dodgy 90s kiddy-rock video by Kathryn Bigelow (Hurt Locker/Point Break). 4/10 Much better were - Demon Seed - An automated house of the future gets taken over by a super-computer, sick and tired of being told what to do by stupid puny humans, and traps lovely Julie Christie inside to prod, poke and impregnate. To the film's credit, you end up empathising with the computer that refuses to be a part of mankind's rape of the planet, as it sweet-talks Christie into bed and produces a robo-baby. Its probably most famous for the Simpsons version where Pierce Brosnan played the voice of the computer that falls madly in love with Marge. It looks dated but still has plenty to say. 7/10 Let the Right One In - wonderful dream-like Swedish film that traces the tender relationship between two twelve year olds, one of whom just happens to be a vampire. The only thing that lets it down is its occasional bursts of cgi, which are more likely to generate hoots of laughter rather than screams of terror. Unlike the glut of US horror films, where a bunch of one-dimensional bimbos and jocks are killed in the nastiest ways imaginable, and despite the snowy, barren landscapes and lack of body-heat, Let the Right One In is a film full of warmth and tenderness, where each character is beautifully written and utterly believable. Great stuff, strongly recommended. 9/10

More league 6 action for the sinistry of mound next season :-\" I had my play-off match yesterday against a pretty decent league 5 side, and my main hope was that we didn't find ourselves 2-0 down in the first ten minutes and end up being humiliated. As it turned out, we held our own for most of the first half (thanks in part to the woodwork) but two goals before the break and two more in the second half saw us comfortably beaten. If I'd been offered 4-0 before the game, I wouldn't have bitten the proverbial hand off, but I grudgingly would have accepted it. The only real disappointment was the amount of cash we made from the affair, for league games they regularly get 55 - 60,000 but for the play-off, the crowd was just over 30,000. I'll have to wait until the start of the new season before I can get my new million-pound coach in place. Good work! I'm delighted to see that I'm paying my players peanuts :smt079

Absolutely It could be argued that a Cardiff-style conclusion will give us more momentum, and represent more of a moral victory, than if KP and Trott had saved the game and let the home crowd slip into a coma yesterday. And whilst KP's run-out was crazy in the extreme, and he committed the cardinal sin of getting in and then giving his wicket away, I don't think we should paint him as the villain. It does highlight a flaw in his game which prevents him from being truly world-class, but, when it comes to not maximising potential, Strauss must learn how to carry an innings over several days, and not play brilliantly one evening, and then get out straight-away the next morning. Only then will he prove himself to be one of the great opening batsmen.

for sure, every joke needs a butt, and I know I'm coming across as a killjoy, but there's a very good reason that developed people don't tell jokes that start with 'what's black and…' or 'what's brown and…' anymore. (whenever anyone complains about political correctness, all I hear them saying is 'its not fair, I can't tell n***** or p*** jokes anymore'). when it comes to spreading ideology, jokes play a massive role. the english have used thick paddy jokes for hundreds of years to justify our occupation of their country, and our treatment of them as second-class citizens in this country (no dogs, no irish, no blacks). if you feel comfortable continuing this then...oh forget it, I've lost the will to live.