saintbletch

See what I mean?

Good work, Wolf Lyd. The day had to come I guess. You've been staring into the mirror for a long time, and I knew it wouldn't be long before, Neo-like, you saw one inconsistency too many and you'd realise that I'm your "Daddy". It's true. You're nothing, but a crackle of chemicals and current bridging a synapse in Bletchbrainfordshire. I wondered how long it would take for one of you to pull back the curtain to reveal Oz. pap came closest, because I bestowed upon him the curse of interminable interrogation. Why? I thought it would be fun. Why? Because I thought it might be funny to see you questioning everything, but not realising "the big secret". But, why, Daddy? Be quiet, pap, Daddy's driving at the moment... pap also represents the snow-capped zenith of my drive for anti-anagrammatical names. As he would point out himself, there's only three - pap, app, and pap - because pap is different from pap - as any programming geek would tell you (We'll ignore case and Unicode alphabets for the moment). The computer nerd thing was a nice touch too, because I needed someone else to point out how clever I am. You, Low Flyd represent another vanity I'm afraid. I needed another word-bore to spar with, and Halo "came into my head" at about the same time for the same purpose. You're the Laurel and Hardy, the Sid and Eddie Large, the Cannon and Ball, who I can rely on replying to me, when everyone else just thinks I'm an pretentious and annoying ****. Scotty was invented to amuse me on the Joke Thread, and also to keep my hubris in check if I ever got too wreckless. Lou is a work in progress to be honest. Again, the idea was funny in "my own mind". I imagined a poster that could only contribute when his truck was parked, and he was tucked up in the cab in some litter-strewn layby. I thought, let's name him "Colin", make him a flirt with everyone, and hide his chromosomal arrangement from the other forum blokes. Oh, and Lou's shtick would be that "she" pretended to be really nice to the other forum females, but her modus operandi was to drive them from TMS so "she" could have the "men" to her/himself. As I said, I can't work out where it's going to go next, but I suspect a live meeting with Bear is on the cards. Talking of Bear, I do admit that I went too far inventing him. The concept was simple "in my mind", but once I let it loose, it just went too far. I thought to myself one day, what if Stanley Unwin was the grandson of James Joyce, and he married a particularly hairy, erotomanical woman who gave birth to Bear and Russell Brand. But, I soon got bored putting all those "esses" on the ends of words, and then I got bored putting "yo" in every sentence, so now I've sent him off to the main board where he's attempting the same change of reputation as his brother Russell. It's gone too far now. Like Dune, I might just kill him off. Before my cover was blown, I had planned to end it all. I was going to do it by introducing a poster called "anagram", and make myself circle in ever-smaller orbits, trying to produce a single, defensible "anagram" for "anagram", until eventually this "world" would collapse in on itself under its own gravity, at which point whatever Big-Bang started it in the first place would start all over again with someone else at the helm. But then I realised that I am just a single oxygen atom myself; bubbling to the surface in a glass of carbonated water in another universe...

Thanks for the correction, Mr. Sakamoto.

On that note, Gay Boot, I was once on a flight to Boston, sat next to a woman, who I later learned was a psychologist. Apparently she helped people (male and female) deal with body-image issues. Anyway, before I learned that, I realised that she was reading a book called "Sexual activities, statistics and demographics". I stole the odd surreptitious glance at the book, expecting to see some interesting pictures, but it was all text. Anyway, after a few beers we got talking and I asked her if it was a good book. She gave a coy smile, told me about her job, and with a flirty look said that "yes" the book was "fascinating"! I had to know, so I asked her what sort of statistics the book covered. She told me that, for example, "on average" the Japanese male has the shortest penis (true - true as in she really said it, rather than I have first handjob experience), the average native American indian has the longest penis (by some margin), and oddly enough the average bloke from Poland has the widest girth. We chatted for a bit longer, and had a few more beers, before she said that she didn't even know my name. I apologised, and introduced myself as "Tonto. Tonto Kowalski".

Yeah, sorry Col. I forgot that you're still pretending to be female, and are wearing your wounded sensibilities as a device to hide that Y chromosome. It's true though re Syria. At least in my experience. Not saying there was gunfire, just a lot of blood. #keepontrucking

This is one of the most sexist things I've read in TMS. You are making a lot of assumptions there, Lou. Bear is a woman (straight), Toke is a lesbian (but not the attractive sort like in "Orange is the new Black", more like Val McDermid), and Plastic is post-op. You can take your intolerant, assumptive and bigoted views straight back to The Lounge or wherever it was you appeared from. But, I must say that I am even more disappointed with my fellow muppets for behaving like hormonal schoolboys every time you appear. They should be ashamed, especially as I've tracked you down in real life, and I know that you're really a trucker from Swansea called Colin. I suppose the user name "Cocks for Colin" was taken, so you fell back to your middle name of Lewis. Toke, this is true. They warn you about this in maternity classes. I remember they couched it in formal language, but Plastic is bang on. When they tell you that "If the bowel is loaded, when you push you will likely evacuate", they're not talking about a fire-drill, they really mean that the mother of your child-to-be will shit themselves. I hope you've got a strong stomach, because it's going to be like a scene from Syria in that delivery room. It's all worth it in the end though, son. I think back to the state your massive, Scotch head left your poor mother's fu-fu in, but then I read some of your contributions on here, and it makes it all (nearly) worthwhile. Dad.

I want to be clear here Halo, I am in no way denigrating our female cousins' ability to play football. It's just that I prefer to see our female cousins with balls in their hands rather than balls at their feet. You know, tennis, wiff-waff, foreplay, that sort of thing. But that says more about me being a dinosaur than it does about female participation in sport.

The skills to pay the bills

By 'moans', you mean 'complains', right, BTT?

Dunno Bear, I can't swear for certain, but when I look into the eyes of my other grandkids from Toke's previous 'relations', there's something, I don't know, not quite right about them. Know what I mean?

Point of order, bear. The term is bitch, not girl. On that basis, Fido / Lassie (m/f). Or, on the wreckless assumption that Toke has found a human female that was comfortable allowing his special seed to fertilise her eggs, and assuming 'we' have a boy, I'd vote for the forenames of David and Weener. This is for no other reason than my Grandson would then be known a Dave Weener McCall. As for weight, well if we have a grandson, I'd pitch for 2980 grams and 2910 grams if we have a granddaughter.

If Escher did IKEA instructions....

#tokeestundroitcharlie et #tokeestmort On an unrelated note, never sit in the window seat if you're going to view specialist material on your tablet...

Homeopathy 'explained'...

Lol. It's as if they aren't really trying to solve problems at all, but instead are trying to titillate Sun readers and people with octopus fixations. That's Al Jolson in the bottom pic BTW. If I ever open a second account on here, I'm going to call myself Inexplicably Topless.

Lou's talking about an Oedipus complex Toke, yours is just an octopus complex.

Completely agree BTT. One of the positives that could come out of all this, might be a lack of protection (tacit or explicit) for those sacred cows. But that won't happen quickly, and they'll be a lot more blood spilled before we get there.

Lots of gunfire being reported at the siege on the outskirts of Paris.

What exactly is Bletchzilla doing to its foe in that image, pap?

And I'm glad that the fact the terrorists are Islamic gives you some solace, whilst studiously avoiding answering whether you believe that leprechauns run the world from secret bases at the ends of rainbows.

Actually, it has, and I feel shame that I've let it show. But I'm pleased that I got you to admit that being a follower of a football team, and hoping that they do well is the same as believing and devoutly following the teachings of a man in the sky. However, I fear that if you don't tell us about your leprechaun beliefs, it's going to cause you problems on here. I wouldn't be surprised if in the future, whenever you go into your clever "You haven't answered my (tenuous and distracting) questions" mode, the good people of SaintsWeb will simply ask you if you believe that leprechauns run the world from secret bases at the end of rainbows. It is odd that you're ducking the question though. I do respect you (seriously) for sharing your views on here especially as they aren't necessarily always politically correct, but to paraphrase Gervais - I respect your right to believe what you want, but I also have the right to point out how ****ing hypocritical your position is. It's also mildly disconcerting to see someone who is usually happy to share his views rendered effectively impotent by a leprechaun.

'coff Bear. I'm trolling trolls. It's a serious business.

Good question, whelk. I've chosen to spend my 'day-off' posting on an Internet forum to prove that I'm superior to people that follow religion.

So you're back-backtracking. But, I'll let that slide. So, why avoid answering the questions about the leprechauns? It's simple. You either believe that leprechauns control the world from hidden bases at the ends of rainbows, or you don't believe that. Why are you ducking that question? Look at the question again. Anyone reading this, would think it odd that you don't simply answer it. Surely you know what you believe? If you need time to think about it, let me know, and I'll get off your case. I do realise that this is an odd question, but as someone who spends large tracts of his life in pursuit of solitary pleasure (not a euphemism), and living, as you do, vicariously through the acts of people who for 90 minutes every so often play a game, I think you're used to 'odd' things. I mean, imagine explaining to an 'ignorant' Muslim in, say rural Pakistan, that with all the advantages of western technological advancement and education, you've chosen to spend your time (31 years if taken at a post per day), to commune with others, and break binary bread, to discuss that 'ignorant' Muslim over the Internet with others who 'like' the same team as you in the game of football. A ****ING GAME LOL And you have the temerity to call the Muslim mad or easily influenced by social pressures. That's right Sour Mash, they're mental - if you're sane. So, those leprechauns?