saintbletch

Gotcha! If you're going to get on a high horse JustMike, make sure you can still reach the stirrups.

wannabe?

I wasn't being intentionally facetious either, but I was being sarcastic about your openness to other ideas - sorry about that. I do see your point about TweetBot. It does look like a nicely designed app - especially if it has the same UI on the smaller screen of a phone. Giving you a choice on the main timeline screen to quickly filter it with one click is exactly the effect that Slices provides. I guess posting on a thread about the iPhone and recommending an App based on my experience of Android probably wasn't the smartest move in the world. But hey, I've learned something. I was just so impressed with the UI on Slices. It'd be interesting to hear what other iPhone users think of Slices - if anyone can be arsed to download and run it.

The effect is the same as Lists, and to be honest if you use multiple platforms/clients then lists might be a better way to go because Twitter maintains your lists whereas slices are specific to, well, Slices. But most Twitter clients I've used allow you to create and view lists almost as an after-thought - tucked a few gestures or clicks away from the main screens. Slices are central to the design of the way the app works. It makes creating, updating and switching between the slices incredibly easy and intuitive. It's a subtle but very important difference. I've not used TweetBot for iPhone Essruu so perhaps it makes lists so accessible that Slices is redundant on iPhone. But hey, it's good to see you're open-minded about trying new things.

Good work Makepeace. I'll take it from here sonny. Over in The Muppet Show; Bearsy, Tokyo-Saint and I are investigating the alleged reincarnation of Dune as a grilled cheese and bread snack. So if you don't mind - a few questions; just to eliminate you from our enquiries... 1) Where were you on the 7th August 2012 at 5:44 PM - the exact time that Dune went into exile? 2) Have you ever downloaded pictures of Helena Bonham Carter as the character she played in Planet of the Apes? 3) Are you Dune? By the way trousers, if Moderator is the official job title then I'm happy for it to have an initial capital M. If it's simply a description of the role, then stevegrant needs an infraction. Perhaps I could be an annoying, pedantic and overly verbose language moderator. Perhaps I am already!

Hi Draino76, yeah it was a good one wasn't it. Gates, Cameron, Cruise and Cortese all singing "If I ruled the world" on the Karaoke. Oh, the irony! I see Rihanna has nominated Ed Sheeran for membership too. Not sure how I feel about that. That's the problem, once you let one in you can't stop them. Think the Olympics went well, but didn't we collectively vote that Bolt should come second in the 200m? I'm going to drag Coe and Rogge over the coals for that. When do you think we should end the global economic slowdown - still 2017? See you at the Monaco 'meet' on the 27th. Love to the family and a plague of locusts on your enemies. Not literally. Although I can arrange it - just ask.

I haven't used the iPhone version, but IF you're looking for a Twitter client that makes Twitter more usable for people that don't want to spend all day on there, take a look at Slices. I'm not a prolific Twitterer but do like to follow a bunch of people and dip in and out from time to time. One of the frustrations I have is that once you've followed a certain number of Tweeters, it soon becomes difficult to sort the wheat from the chaff in your timeline. Slices allows you to slice your Twitter timeline into different categories or 'slices'. So if you've got all the time in the world you can look at your entire timeline or if you just want to see Sport, or just Football or just Saints you can select only those tweets from Twitter users in those slices. For example, following the breaking story on Kevin Pietersen recently would have been a nightmare if I hadn't had a 'Cricket' slice. It's a simple concept but I've never seen it done properly before.

OK, I've told Cheese on Toast that he's no longer a suspect. But, and here's the clever bit, he still is. I'm going to forum-stalk him. Just a slip. If we're looking at our respective bellendedness, given our forum names you're likely to be the a "Jap eye" Tokyo-Saint.

OK son, you're free to go. Sorry for the inconvenience. Enjoy the forum and no hard feelings.

In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king Tokyo-Saint. OK. Let's illustrate the point. I think that: Women are bad drivers. The EU is a bad thing. Foreigners are scum. Immigrants have contributed nothing to the UK eccomomy. The Spanish are lazy. The Germans are trying to take over the world. Labour are right about nothing. These, Tokyo-Saint are all positions that I don't hold. But I lied about them. I'm sure that you, and the lolly-pop sucking Kodiak, will see this as evidence that I am Dune. "Who love's you Bearsy?" OK. I do understand the point you're making about Dune's inability to be seen to support certain positions. He also does have an ego you could photograph, so see if you can out-smart him. I'll humour you. Go on - I'll give you a day to interrogate Cheese on Toast without my interference. See if you can nail him.

Right. Did it ever occur to you that this sort of infighting is exactly what Cheese on Toast wants? You're coming across like a couple of 50-something, institutionally thick desk sergeants from The Bill with dyed-in-the-wool attitudes to new investigative techniques. I'm advocating modern, natural language analysis techniques and you just want "10 minutes alone with him in cell 3 while the duty sergeant takes a ciggy break". Dempsey? Makepeace? We're dealing with a criminal mastermind here! Did you see the way Cheese on Toast dealt with Tokyo-Saint's pointed and probing "Are you Dune?" question? He made it look as if it was possible to simply lie in response to any question he is asked on an Internet forum. What use is an investigation that relies on the interrogatee answering the question truthfully? I think Toko-Saint thinks he's trapped in Ricky Jervais' "The invention of Lying". Look, united we stand, divided we allow Dune to post more non-Caucasian comparative pictures of advanced primates. You keep him talking Tokyo-Saint. See if you can get him to be a bit more expansive in his answers. Ask open ended questions - questions that don't elicit and yes/no response. "Are you Dune?" = BAD. "Sum up the role Mugabe has played in the development of black Africa" = GOOD. I'm truly sorry if it comes across as if I'm talking down to you guys, but to be honest kneeling down to talk to you on your level is killing my back.

Dune's new identify is either a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; or it's Cheese on Toast.

A cheese curtain has descended across this thread.

Very sad. It's all a bit dodgy but it's was suggested that the body might have been moved back into the house. Either that or the police will be accused on incompetence on an amazing scale.

Listen Dempsey, you've spent the morning in your patrol car eating doughnuts and drinking coffee leaving your partner Makepeace quite frankly out of his depth while trying to "interrogate" a criminal mastermind. I say "Interrogate" but to be honest he's more Graham Norton than Paxman. I'm not sure that it's even occurred to Tokyo-Saint that Cheese on Toast might not answer his questions truthly. If it wasn't for me, Makepeace would have let him off with a coy smile, a full pardon and a "sorry to have bothered you sir".

I'm blushing gents - but there's work to do here. I don't have time for all this frippery and nonsense. We've a crim to catch and I'm sure if we work together we can come up with the killer question that Cheese on Toast, or should I say Dune - the puppet handler who we suspect is pulling Cheese on Toast's strings, won't be able to answer without giving himself away. Tokyo-Saint is doing a good job but, how can I put this, he's a bit of a blunt instrument. A village bobby sort of a investigator. The sort that would contaminate the scene of a sexual assault with his own DNA - if you know what I mean. He needs all our help here.

Well now that that particular witch has been drowned, I'll tell you what I'm thinking Makepeace. I'm thinking this is a perfect piece of misdirection. We're looking for the one poster who we think is Dune. We think we're on to Cheese on Toast and then it turns out that it was Bubby all along. Cheese on Toast has already shown himself to be too smart for us with his Moriarty-like gifts. I think he's done it again. He's thrown us a sacrificial registered user account to 'prove' that it wasn't him. I mean, how stupid would Dune have to have been to post on themes that he was already known for? I'm all for drowning more witches.

Let me see if I've got this right Makepeace. So Cheese on Toast lures that sentimental bear Dempsey to a remote part of Nursling, under the power line pylons. You're told to keep you distance and are watching them when a post office van arrives with a delivery from Bearsy. You intercept the van and look in the box and recoil in horror at what you see. In the distance Cheese on Toast, who is cuffed and on his knees with a copy of the Daily Express in front of him, is taunting Bearsy about how perfect Bearsy's Saintweb life is. Cheese on toast (who we now know to be Dune) is telling Bearsy that all he, and his other Saintsweb alter-egos, ever wanted was to be liked. He admits to Bearsy that he is jealous of his grammars and the affection shown to him by other posters. Cheese on Toast (Dune) tells Bearsy that he has been working through the list of seven deadly Saintsweb infractions. One by one he has ticked them off and now he plans to make Bearsy get himself perma-banned too by goading Bearsy into getting all seven major infractions in one go. Bearsy asks what's in the box and Cheese on Toast tells him. Bearsy is horrified and seeks confirmation from you as to what is in the box but you won't tell him. Bearsy starts shouting to you over and over again... Cheese on Toast is basically trying to commit forum-suicide-by-cop and further taunts Bearsy. Eventually Cheese on Toast tells Bearsy what's in the box and Bearsy, filled with anger and rage, calls Cheese on Toast a ****ing black **** **** of a nazi ****** fascist **** of a ***** registerd user, U R A **** *** with a **** ***** smelling of ***** **** RUPERT LOWE and **** to 6 ****** *** sparrow with a mother who **** **** *** towards Skacel in a ***** and **** ***** bleach ***** with ***** in her dining room. Bearsy is perma-banned instantly as a result with a record number of infraction points. But by admitting that he is really Dune, Cheese on Toast gets a perma-ban too. Is that what you meant by a bit like the end of Seven? But what was in the box?

Don't say anything Makepeace. But I think we might have found another witch to drown.

Damn Dempsey and his sentimentality. But credit where credit is due Makepeace that's a good plan. As they say, give someone enough rope and they'll eventually create a strange fruit tree. So our plan is now to just wait for Cheese on Toast to basically walk in to the police station, put his copy of the Daily Express down on the counter, and ask you to slap the 'cuffs on him. Brilliant.

a typo actually that looked like a grammar error. But good spot and thanks all the same. He's actually mocking this investigation. It's as if the whole thing is being played out in public and he can see exactly what we're doing and what our next steps are going to be. He's a bloody modern-day Moriarty.

Good thinking Saint in Paradise. He'd also capitalising proper nouns like "Thatcher" and the personal pronoun "I" so dropping the d on dune is a good spot. I'd council you to also look at the ellipses... that's a vanity that comes from an inner-monologue that he won't be able to silence easily. But shush...don't tell Cheese on Toast that we're tracking him.

Damn!

I'll say this slowly for our hard-of-thinking law enforcers. The question is the s-a-m-e, the punishment is d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t. In your plan, if Cheese on Toast had denied being Dune, you and Dempsey would have simply let him go free to write fascist hate-pamphlets and fly to disputed British territories just off the Iberian peninsula. My plan sees Cheese on Toast banned either way. If I'm wrong then we simply point the finger at someone else and repeat until we find him. Flawless.

Yes, except that you actually asked him about "thtacher" to which he was able to accurately say that he didn't know who that was. Another bungled investigation by "The police". He's smart this one - this Cheese on Toast.