Gods creations.

[Thedelldays]

In the beginning there was a word: and the word was God. All else was darkness and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon and the stars, so that light may pierce the darkness. The earth, God divided between the land and the sea and these he filled with many assorted creatures.

 

The dark salty slimy creatures that inhabited the seashore he called Royal Marines and he dressed them accordingly. The flighty creatures of the air he called Airy Fairies, and these he clothed in uniforms that were ruffled and foul. These creatures were not over popular, as their droppings fell on the earth below, but God forgave them because as he said: they knoweth not what they do. The lower creatures of the sea, God called Skimmers, and with a twinkle in his eye, and a big sense of humour that only he could have, God gave them big grey targets to go to sea on. He gave them many splendid uniforms to wear. He gave them wonderful and exotic places to visit. He gave them pen and paper so that they could write home every week, and he gave them make and mends at sea. He also gave them a laundry to keep their splendid uniforms clean, because when you are God you tend to get carried away.

 

On the seventh day, as you know, God rested and on the eighth day at 07:00 God looked down upon the earth and was not a happy person. So he thought about his labours, and with his infinite wisdom, God created a divine creature and this, he called a Submariner. And these Submariners whom God created in his own image, were to be of the deep, and to them he gave a white woolly jumper to keep them warm. He gave them steel sleek black messengers of death to roam the depths of the sea, waging war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them hotels to live in when they were weary of doing Gods will. He gave them subsistence so that they may entertain ladies on nights ashore, and he gave them submarine pay to impress the hell out of the creatures called Skimmers.

 

At the end of the eighth day God looked down upon the earth and saw that all was good, but still God was unhappy, because, in the course of his labours he had forgotten one thing. He had not given himself a Submariner’s white woolly jumper. He thought about it, and finally satisfied himself. Not just anybody can be a submariner.

[thesaint sfc]

**** head.

[Jillyanne]

**** head.

 

Well you've just ruined TDD's christmas haven't you.

[Kadeem Hardison]

God is dead.

[Weston Super Saint]

He forgot the Pongo's too.

 

God must have been forgetful in his old age.

[hamster]

The dark salty slimy creatures that inhabited the seashore he called Royal Marines

 

...and they were gifted with the power to scare the **** out of the submariner with one single word....Boo!

[JohnnyFartPants]

And on the ninth day the submariners realised they were all Adam's and no Eve's so they set about bumming each other under water like the gayers they truly are.

 

Amen.

[jeff leopard]

And God looked at those that fought on the water and said 'I will call you seaman, as that what you all have dribbling down your chins'.

 

God Bless our brave fighting boys this Christmas (but the girls can f_ck off cos its God's will that they should stay at home and everyone knows they show up more on enemy radar and attract torpedoes and confuse the emotionally retarded, raw-arsed sailors even more).

[EastleighSoulBoy]

In the beginning there was a word: and the word was God. All else was darkness and without form. So God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon and the stars, so that light may pierce the darkness. The earth, God divided between the land and the sea and these he filled with many assorted creatures.

 

The dark salty slimy creatures that inhabited the seashore he called Royal Marines and he dressed them accordingly. The flighty creatures of the air he called Airy Fairies, and these he clothed in uniforms that were ruffled and foul. These creatures were not over popular, as their droppings fell on the earth below, but God forgave them because as he said: they knoweth not what they do. The lower creatures of the sea, God called Skimmers, and with a twinkle in his eye, and a big sense of humour that only he could have, God gave them big grey targets to go to sea on. He gave them many splendid uniforms to wear. He gave them wonderful and exotic places to visit. He gave them pen and paper so that they could write home every week, and he gave them make and mends at sea. He also gave them a laundry to keep their splendid uniforms clean, because when you are God you tend to get carried away.

 

On the seventh day, as you know, God rested and on the eighth day at 07:00 God looked down upon the earth and was not a happy person. So he thought about his labours, and how everything was too serious. So, with his infinite wisdom, God created a a laughable creature and this, he called a Submariner. And these Submariners whom God created insane, were to be of the deep, and to them he gave a white woolly jumper to keep them warm. He gave them steel sleek black messengers of death to roam the depths of the sea, waging war against the forces of Satan and evil. He gave them hotels to live in when they were weary of doing Gods will. He gave them subsistence so that they may entertain ladies on nights ashore, and top up their STDs. He gave them submarine pay so they could pay for these STDs.

 

At the end of the eighth day God looked down upon the earth and saw that all was good, but still God was unhappy, because, in the course of his labours he had forgotten one thing. He had not given himself a Submariner’s white woolly jumper. He thought about it, and finally satisfied himself. Not just anybody full of their own pith and impotence can be a submariner.

 

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