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The Female Linesman Sian Massey is now sponsored by Just for Men- used once and Gray was gone My Grandfather said its going to be terrible this winter with the Flu outbreaks, I said tell me something I don't know......he said "your Nan's arse can take my whole fist" Just had a letter back from Screwfix....apparently they're not a dating agency !

When asked who is favourite Qatar player is ? he replied Eric Clapton

Why Italian ? How do those mentioned by you rate as top class managers ? Why would a chairman of any company inform its other employees or indeed its customers that an appointment was a mistake and that employee 'sucks', length of employment will tell you all you need to know ! Who is this 'WE' you speak of in relation to 'things going forward' ? NC has been charged with running the club and appointing key management staff he will be judged by the owners on our success, bring that success and he can have an ego the size of everest for all I care.

Scientists have found that women have the same DNA as shrimps....their heads are full of sh1t but their pink bits taste lovely

Got this Eastern European girl to clean my flat, took her 5 days, turns out she's a Slovac

If he can get HIS purchase price ? walking away with the success of balancing books ? you may find he has a bit more ambition than that. That said, stranger things have happened..look at Arsenal getting beat by Newcastle today..were you sat in your normal seat ?

Agree, would be very angry if I were a creditor aware of his dividend which was out of sync with the companies performance at the time, if he had not made the extravagant share purchase he may have been able to invest it back into the company

I asked the wife if she wanted to play Chilean Miners ? she said you want me to go down your shaft till I reach the bottom ? I said No....get out of my sight for 3 months My sexy chinese neighbour said she was desperate for a roger, it was only when I had my trousers around my ankles and my nob out did I realise she wanted to rent out her spare room. My teenage son has just told me he had sex last night for the first time with the neighbours daughter, I said well done but I hope you used something ? he said "Yeah, a balaclava"

Gary Glitter has gone to Chile now, the only place where you can slide a minor up and down your shaft and get applauded

No suprise that a face to face with Cortese would end in his favour, afterall it was he that got our Markus to part with his money to make the purchase so clearly adept under such circumstances, knowing he has the backing of the family it would have been relatively easy to draft a speach, the difficult part will be living up to the expectation but with the resources at his disposal can see it being achieved.

Perhaps it was at the G-A-Y Bar, London, Nick ??

Me and the wife were on our way home one night and a tramp in a doorway asked me for £3, I said are you going to use it to buy cigarettes, he replied No, I don't smoke....I asked him if he was going to use it to buy drink, he replied No, I don't drink......I asked him if he was going to gamble the money, he said No, I don't gamble....I turnt to the wife and said..See what happens to you if you don't smoke, drink or gamble !

Don't think it was whilst with us(perhaps Palace in the twilight of his career) involving a girl iirc

phil, firstly there are no posh places in town !! secondly it can be about how you conduct yourself whilst out, to use one example Benali, saw him out alot in town when playing, very unassuming, spoke and shook hands with many never saw a headline about him iirc, however, times have changed and perhaps there are too many jealous types about the town who target our footballers, therefore its best if they are selective about where they do go and s h itehouse should be one to avoid. It may transpire the guy was hit with a bottle of evian and fell awkwardly causing the injury, however it turns out LB's very presence reflects badly on him as a professional imo