The9

As I won't have time to stitch them all together to get one to fit me, the number 9.

It wasn't even a tackle, it was a clearance.

No, completely different to that. I'd be impressed if anyone could make a case that Suarez did that accidentally.

I'm shotgunning 9 again, just to be safe.

FWIW I don't even think he comes across as charmless, and I have female friends who don't seem to have a problem with him seeming charming.

Shorts are a different colour to the ones you have, but the missing sets can be made up from the spare home kit shorts to no great issue anyway, so I'll just bring a load of navy socks.

I just posted a list of the 12 Saints players without previous Prem experience before this season who have done pretty well, as there also "must be a reason [they haven't] had a crack at it before", it was up to you to justify the difference between them and Sharp. Of all of those, I think the Lambert argument is at the very least the same argument, and (contrary to my expectations) he's done well. So why couldn't Sharp ?

Ok, do you want me to check "away" kit ? If there's any missing it's Magnet's doing...

Great, can someone try and persuade him that kicking the ball past Boruc is a free kick, and we get given a goal every time we complete 10 consecutive passes ?

Are you picking the sides in advance or waiting until the day ? I'm past the days of packing undershirts for home and away kits... FWIW I have got a set of navy/light blue kit in the garage, but I don't plan on leaving it in the car to stink all day anyway. Could have a look if we wanted full home/away kits ?

2004/5 springs to mind. But that supports the point. We may have chucked games away occasionally in the Prem in the past, but only one time in the last 28 seasons at the top level have we done it regularly enough to relegate us.

150/1 with bwin, shortest odds where some are offered are 69/1 on Betdaq. http://www.oddschecker.com/football/english/premier-league/relegation In that situation I'd be more inclined to take the 300/1 on Fulham to go down with a point more than us at the moment. You can get 14/1 on Villa to win at Old Trafford tonight btw, which is much longer than the improvement in their position relative to relegation if they do win, (i.e. reflects the actual likelihood of a Villa win) on sportsclubstats.com.

Like with Lambert, Boruc, Clyne, Rodriguez, Yoshida, Hooiveld, Fonte, Shaw, Schneiderlin, Ramirez, Ward-Prowse and Lallana, you mean ?

If he turns up in a pair with a crease down the front, then what ?

It's F3 to cancel as well.

Can we get confirmation this is happening before I bother rummaging around for my boots, etc. please ? Can't believe I'm now *that bloke* who has to go looking for his kit before a game because he hasn't used it in so long. And not having wrecked a pair of 2010 Predators a whole 3 seasons later, the shame... I used to keep my kit in the car on the off-chance there was a game going on, and ruin a pair of boots every 9 months, FFS.

You can't have "UK" as your geographical boundary nowadays, according to some on here it doesn't matter where you're from if you're not English. You can see that from Gareth Bale's goals not counting for anything this season in a certain league table and how vitally important it is that Rickie Lambert scores more than everyone else born the same historically flexible area with no single defining characteristic and a shared legal system. If you're not English you may as well be Uruguayan as Scottish. Or Welsh, euw, Welsh. Oops, sorry, hit F3 for "Turkish mode".

Actually a 0.0763% chance.

It's not even about just that, it's about Wigan AND Villa AND Newcastle AND Norwich AND Sunderland AND Stoke catching us, and us not getting more than West Ham, Fulham and Swansea who are also within 3 points of us.

And if they do that they'll only have an 11% chance of relegation. http://www.sportsclubstats.com/England/Newcastle.html

Even if Wigan win 3 matches there are still 5 other sides below us, all of whom need to get better results than us over the last 4 games, many of which they are playing against each other.

I'm pretty sure that if it goes to the last day with Wigan and Villa the only two in contention to go down Wigan will cruise to a win too. Amusing quirk of statistics, Wigan are twice as likely to come 12th as they are 20th.

Oh, and from those stats we can use science to indicate that we are 648 times less likely to get relegated than Wigan and 285 less likely to go down than Villa. Villa losing tonight moves them to 33% likely with Wigan at 61.4%. A draw would be 22.7% and 69.2% respectively Villa winning puts them at 8.8% and Wigan at 79%. But then Villa winning tonight is pretty bloody unlikely to begin with. However, the result has so little impact on our chances of going down, we're not even listed on the affected teams.

Ok, here's the latest. http://www.sportsclubstats.com/England/Premier.html We are currently 0.1% likely to be relegated. (Was 0.2% before the weekend) If we lose the remaining 4 matches, we are only 2.8% likely to be relegated. (Was 14% before the weekend if we lost all matches) If we pick up 1 point from the last 4 games, we are 0.5% likely to be relegated. The current likelihood of one of Villa (28.5%) or Wigan (64.8%) going down is a combined 93.3%. For completion, the likelihood of Reading and QPR being relegated is now 99.9986% and 99.9974% respectively. We are nearly as likely to stay up as they are to go down. Our likelihood of finishing in each postion from 7th-18th is as follows. We can't finish outside this range. (%) 0 2 6 12 18 17 16 13 9 5 1 0

I'm off to the probability site again to illustrate how unlikely this is after the weekend's games... but in case you missed the other 5 times I posted it, even if we'd lost at Swansea and then all of our remaining games we'd still only be 14% likely to be relegated. There is basically only one place left to play for and the two main contenders for that are still 8 and 5 points behind us, with them having 5 matches to play.