Tokyo-Saint

Oh no don't bring up all that again. We will be onto Stoke before you now it.

Bearsy told me that was the express hotdog area.

Sometimes rule 1 is necessary (not funny but necessary). For example, Alpine is over in the lounge talking about his Mrs. I am genuinely interested to see what his mrs looks like. I don't know why, just am. Also, If bearsy starts chatting about some ***** he has pulled, I want a PM, the same goes for bletch and sheep in suspenders. The nuns thing is never bad. I don't get the joke really but can't complain about some dirty pics of nuns on a football site. The sauce thing, along with "has he signed yet" should get an instant banning. Winding up of MLG is funny for a bit and then painfully boring. It should be kept to one page. Posts should never be deleted, just moved to another part of the forum, where before you enter, you have to agree you won't complain about being offended. A kind of Frankie Boyle board or something.

A guy tells his psychiatrist: ‘It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that I’d be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I don’t get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didn’t see the email."

It was a joke really. I wasn't even on the running machine, it was the cross trainer. The truth is, I was kind of skiing toward the sarlacc's layer, while all the time monitoring my heart rate to ensure it stayed above 150. I am pretty sure it was on between 8pm and 9pm, though. When I was young, you had to wait until eurotrash started at 11pm before you saw a muff. Kids now-a-days can see it while in the gym in the early evening. Broken Britain!

By the way, rule 1....

I was in the gym a couple of weeks ago when this was on. Strange sight with loads of people on running machines etc looking up at big screens showing an overly hairy half rotten muff. I pretended I was running away from it and broke my record.

Turkish to the main board please, calling Turkish to the main board.

Biscuit album. After listening to that, he lost the will to live and had to sit under a leafy bush for several months.

Bloody hell, 6am. Things may have changed now you can fly from Hanada to the UK as well as Narita. Back on topic, I think he was bought especially for the number 10 roll. NA has mentioned this roll a few times this season. I think he may swap with AL a bit but be primarily in the centre.

Let's stop this investigation now as this one goes right to the top. I can already feel bletch looking at my words, working out a scrabble score and seeing if this matches dune or the great snail killer of 1985 or something. Take my word for it, you don't want to know any more than you already do. You can't hand the truth. Just let this one escargo.

This one had a limp.

Snails have a famously bad sense of direction. tut.

Coming from Japan to England (or travelling west to east in general) is not too bad as you gain hours sleep. Most flights from Japan to the UK leave at about lunch time and arrive early evening/late afternoon which means if you can stay awake until 9pm, you can go to bed and get a full nights sleeps. You might get up a bit early but a 6am start never hurt anyone. Going the other way is a nightmare as you tend to travel through the night and arrive in Tokyo early am. Unless you can sleep well on the plane, you will suffer. All in my experience of course. I am sure 1st class is nicer though.

No problem Phil, I can only imagine that you are up to your elbows in it anyway. Just do a practice run on bletch when you get back so you are ready next time. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

That's what I thought bletch, just without all the passive voice carp. The only thing I thought is that he could be like Mick Folly. I am sure that crossed your mind too.

This needs investigating. Phil, I think I have your first case.

I saw the newsnight that was about it (not only bear can watch high brow stuff ya know!). It seemed pretty interesting. It is the first time I have seen fisting mentioned on newsnight , that immediately got my attention.

This already happens bletch, Bearsy asked for new ideas. For what it's worth, I don't really think he was dune, I just think he wanted to be like dune. I think he was far younger. Let's stick with the witch hunt idea, It is the only reason I come on here. I don't even like football.

Thank god for delldays, I was starting to lose the will to live. It was like being locked in that boot all over again, only this time with 2 rambling, middle aged men talking about grammar and spelling and stuff. AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and Screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said. ' Your finger is broken.

No win, no fee Phil. You'll have to take it up with our (at least he thinks he is) boss, bletch. He sits in the back office stroking a dictionary, criticing things. So this has not been taken off topic.... What is the best cheese to hide a horse? mascarpone! On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

I do that with my wife sometimes. No problem at all, just let me know.

You've blown the case right open Phil. I'm starting to have doubts about the accuracy of some of the other jokes on here. This might call for an investigation.

Tell us what it was like.

I'm getting Castrol put on the back of my shirt.