notnowcato

Priced at 6/4 to win a major next year... now, who in their right mind would take that bet?? I'm not saying that he wont win a major next year but the price is ridiculous.

James Brown - Terry - Rio - A Cole Bentley - Barry - Lumpard - Theo J Cole - Heskey Time for Wayne to watch a game or 2.

A bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend,decided to take a holiday. He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, 'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'. She replies, 'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.' 'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you'. ' Oh, this thing?' explains the woman, 'I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.' 'But, where did you get the tools?' 'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.' The guy is stunned. 'Let's row over to my place', she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, 'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?' 'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take another drop of coconut juice'. 'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?' Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, 'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet.' No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. 'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?' When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. 'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?' She stares into his eyes ..... He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes..... '****ing hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?

Tonight: Parlour games. Sat: Walk on the downs, couple of drinkies, out for meal in the evening. Sun: With the family

I would take a winning season for my Dolphins... Damn you Dan Marino!! I struggle to keep up during the regular season, once the wildcard games kick in I'm hooked again.

cousin of Stevie G

Who is this "they" you talk of?

You gotta love the guy

Agreed. Your Granma is appalling.

Spot on. Reminds me of the ridiculously funny Peter Sellers too.

To be fair it was Karsey that I incorrectly spelt

Oh gosh! The whole worlds a critic.. (NNC storms off in a hissy fit)

Richard the Lionheart.. rape and pilage to your hearts content

Age doesn't come into it (assuming legality)... however beauty does

Karsie Cheifs... It don't matter to me Because all I wanted to be Is a million miles from here Somewhere more familiar.... Oh my god I can't believe it I never thought we'd get someone to replace Le God

I will have to beat you with my negativity stick :smt064 Get behind the positive bandwagon FFS

miche + cam + lizzie + me = happy times

Is their squad big enough for a European campaign...??

If you seriously can't play golf, the stewards at Old Thorns may ask you to politely leave the course... especially if I put the call in... will you be driving your Audi?? The missus is away on a hen weekend... friends coming down and we may partake in a beverage or two :smt102

I've been looping the Lallana goal from the you choob link (thanks for posting waggy), poetry.

My first game of the season, really cannot wait to see the yoof in action... on the pitch that is. I've even managed to blag some comps.

Blotchy skin, on all fours with a four foot long neck??

So is it only the females that can get 3 kidneys?

I see... I read it as being her and her mother.