saintbletch

It overstepped the mark Toke. I could see the octopus's penis. But then I am a mollusc phallus expert.

That's very kind of you tpbury. I'd love a sandwich - although go easy on the sausage and hold the mayonnaise. For the record, it should be noted that bergenhausen could still be a she. I'd need to get a better feel for his/her colon to be sure. Not that any of this will matter to the bear, who I believe Toke had proved beyond reasonable doubt to be double gay.

I'm actually more fixated on bugenhagen's colon. Impressively and anally consistent use of that punctuation device. Suggests he's a he or an OCD she to me. Anyway, I have a feeling that the representation is meant to be metaphorical rather than comparative. i.e. bugenhagen is "standing on the outside looking in", and not necessarily an androgynously attractive person waiting to become the filling in a Japanese Bear sandwich.

Now you mention it Dig Dig, it could be Bearsy on the left. Especially when you look into Toke's eyes - he's got a 1000 milligram stare. If you know what I mean. Classic Bearsy modus operandi.

Tokyo-Saint (right).

None taken. As I hope I'm proving, I could of course ruin it no matter where it resides. But Toke is right. I find this sort of thing highly offensive on the main board. I've been outed as the fat butler from Downtown(sic) Abbey in front of millions. Like that Scottish Lord that makes double-glazed windows, I could sue for defamation. Anyway, I bet when the bear comes home from stalking the defenceless women of Birmingham, he'll post some stuff that will see it in The Muppet Show quick smart. Egil Ostenstad JustMike (The Laughing Mod)

More power to you Toke. Nice choice of colours. What solitary, repeated, rhythmic act do you think has disproportionately enlarged the wrist, biceps, trapezius and pectoral muscles of just one side of your body?

What? I though this was supposed to be satirical. This is how I look, dress and sound Toke. Get over it. However, the image is not accurate at the moment. saintbletch is currently sporting a rather dashing, Movember-inspired goatee. Putting his mid-life crisis on hold and his Just-For-Men back in the cupboard, saintbletch's chin features densely populated hair in a delicious shade of what I believe is referred to as salt and pepper.

I'm wrestling with some inner-demons here. I've sat and studied the lower image for some time now. I can't workout why, of all the many, many questions this image raises, the one I want to ask Tokyo-Saint is why his brassiere cups are different patterns/colours. Toke?

Excellent norwaysaint, they must have started up again yesterday! If you've got a geeky, sciencey, streak; this is very entertaining. Some good recommendations here. I've since listened to a few Bugles which I enjoyed - I can't believe I hadn't stumbled across it before. Andy Zaltzman is very entertaining as the foil on Seven Day Sunday - Al Murray's satirical look back at the week's news. Also worth a listen. I'd forgotten to add the excellent Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo's Film Reviews. It's a bit of a clique and it does take a while to get the in-jokes and become part of the family. Whilst bigoted and not to everyone's tastes, Kermode has a genius understanding of film and is very entertaining if you can get to grips with his Clarkson-esque self-parody style. The chemistry between Mayo and Kermode is very good and very real. One of my proudest claims to fame is that I've had an email read out by Simon Mayo, where I called Kermode out over his review of, erm, cough, Johnny English Reborn.

[Doff's cap]

Inspired by Hamilton Saint's comment on the Mastertapes thread, I thought I'd ask people for their podcast recommendations. I do a lot of hiking and as a result I have a lot of time to squirt noise into my ears. I can't organise my week well enough to listen to stuff live on the radio; so I find podcasts are a great way to learn, stay up to date or just entertain myself. My current list includes: Fighting Talk - Radio 5 - Colin Murray hosts an irreverent sports 'quiz' with points awarded for aggression and trashing false idols. Football Weekly - The Guardian - James Richardson hosts a bi-weekly, sidelong look at the footballing events of the week. The Danny Baker Show - Radio 5 - The genius that is Danny Baker's Saturday morning radio show. Mastertapes - Radio 4 - See separate thread. The Infinite Monkey Cage - Brian Cox and Robin Ince host a very funny science panel discussion. (not running at the moment) Today in Parliament - Radio 4 - yesterday's parliamentary news in detail - sub committees, The Lords, etc. Friday Night Comedy - Radio 4 - either The News Quiz with Sandy Toksvig or The Now Show with Punt and Dennis Comedy of the Week - Radio 4 - Random comedy sketch show Start the Week - Radio 4 - Andrew Marr hosts an arts-focussed discussion. Stuff you Should Know - howstuffworks.com - Two geeks investigate in detail how something works. Odd stuff from ear-worms (annoying music that gets into your brain) to Stockholm syndrome. Dr Karl - Radio 5 - Rhod Sharp hosts Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki who answers listener's questions on anything scientific. The Naked Scientist - Radio 5 - part of the above podcast series but Dr. Chris Smith looks in detail at the week's scientific news. The Guardian Books Podcast - The Guardian - Books, books, books for book geeks. What podcasts do you listen to?

Personally, I'm glad that's over with. I have never read such a poor book review. There were times when you actually seemed to be more interested in the sex in the book than the book itself! I was expecting some analysis of the themes that E L James had used. I had hoped that you might then go on to use thematic patterning to suggest other great works that 50 Shades of Grey has borrowed from. For example, the book is clearly from the same oeuvre as Jilly Cooper's seminal Riders or Jackie Collins' Lucky. And as for characterisation, E L James has basically taken Collins' Lucky Santiago, put her in a suit, given her a helicopter a rape room and a whip, painted her Grey and changed the dominance of one or two chromosomes. This should have been explored. I thought we might have got an insight into the voice that E L James had lent the two main characters, but instead we got a hairy bear, grunting and pleasuring himself whilst frantically turning pages and scan-reading for the word "anal". I had hoped for an exploration of the obvious narrative motif of Christian's S&M fantasy. Whilst you did touch on it (I bet you did), I think I can confidently speak for everyone that has read this thread when I say that we'd have preferred less sex and anal-analysis, and more detail on the Christian character's background - just what made him see sex through this sub/dom prism? You've let us all down bear. It was quite funny in parts I s'pose. P.S. Mrs. saintbletch tells me that there is more sex in book 2, but as she didn't see any lols in book 1, she cannot say if there are more lols in book 2. Dumb b!tch.

Just seen that on the BBC. How inept can Newsnight be made to look? Why didn't someone show him a photo?

See what you've done bear? Nature abhors a vacuum. In the absence of your final chapter review, Toke has come along and got premature all over this thread. Let's wait for the bear's anal ysis. In the mean time you should just belt-up Toke.

I'll ask Mrs. saintbletch if the second book is betterer from a bonings and lols perspective, but I think your instinct is right. You need this to be more Falty Towers than 'Allo 'Allo, more The Office than My Family. Like Tommy Cooper leave them wanting more bear. Although you don't actually need to die to make the point.

McAlpine has now issued a personal, and detailed, denial - effectively outing himself as the object of the allegations. He lists a load of credible reasons why it can't be him. Much as I'm sure Jimmy Savile did many times. And that's the problem with allegations of this sort - smoke without fire, or just twitter-generated smoke?

Just wanted to highlight this excellent series on Radio 4 recorded at the Maida Vale studios. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01nr9tv/episodes/guide I've been listening to the podcast so I'm not sure when it's broadcast live. John Wilson talks to 7 artists in detail about the making of a seminal album from their collection. Next up is Paul Weller on The Gift. Previous episodes focussed on Suzanne Vega's Solitude Standing and Billy Bragg's Talking to the Taxman About Poetry. Wilson tries to get into the mind of the younger artist to understand their motivation and discusses in detail the rationale behind the songs. The artist also plays live versions of the songs from their albums. I don't know what other artists are coming up, but if you like any of the three above (as I do) then you're in for a real treat.

Preview? You're such a tease bear. I was expecting the denouement and an end to this distasteful vvank-fest and instead you've whipped the vvankers into a rabid frenzy with your speculation. You certainly know how to wield the "tuggers' tension" literary device bear. Two points. 1) My understanding (From Mrs SaintBletch) was that the contract that Christian asked 'the chubby virgin' to sign is a cause of tension between them. I thought she'd signed the NDA but not the "What and Where" contract. I know you've been rightly concentrating on the anal sex angle bear, and we're all really grateful to you, and I recognise that little else matters, but as this is a review of an artist's work, is it possible that you could you be overlooking a more subtle plot theme? That of Christian Grey allowing her to limit the What and Where because he might be falling in lurv? I know that by asking the question I have directly caused thousands of engorged members' engorged members to fall flaccidly onto thousands of members' bellies, but I owe it to a leading light of 21st century literature to ask the question. 2) I trust we're going straight to book two after this? Or are you going to tackle other works by other great literary titans?

Yes I heard Tatchell on BBC Radio 5 Live this morning. It was odd because it seemed to me that Tatchell was actually defending the PM. I can't remember what he said now but it left me with the impression that Tatchell had, at first, thought the PM was making a link between paedophilia and being gay, but then he realised that the PM was defending gay people and telling others not to spread rumours because someone had tried/tries to hide their sexual orientation. Odd behaviour for the attack-dog Tatchell. But I did find the PM's comments odd - didn't you? Either he seemed to be conflating paedophilia and being gay, which is stupid and he's not stupid so it was that, or he had already reached a conclusion about the people on Schofield's list (Not paedophiles, simply gay) ahead of any enquiries that are in process. That is wrong. He simply shouldn't have mentioned the gay angle at all IMO. He should have just made Schofield out to be the non-journalist he is. What were the editors of the programme thinking? Ratings I guess.

I guess this is the place to collect all the general allegations of paedophilia that followed Savile's outing. The Guardian today names Tory peer Lord McAlpine as the man accused of raping a boy in the North Wales care home scandal. Although they say that they believe he is wrongly accused and that instead it was another member of the McAlpine family since deceased. An interesting sub-plot is the editorial tone that The Guardian is taking towards the BBC. It is plainly suggesting that the recent Newsnight edition (on the care homes) went off half-cocked and without doing thorough research. Which, oddly enough, also happens to be the defence the Newsnight Editor cited for not moving ahead with the original allegations against Savile. Perhaps we should simply divest the powers of the courts to Philip Schofield? It only takes him 3 minutes on Google to out paedophiles.

Readers should note that Saint_clark made no attempt to deny any of my allegations. The case for the prosecution sits down for a bit.

I can confirm that this is true. Through a massive administrative cock-up I've been given access to the secret mod board. The usually smooth-running renewal system that never, ever goes wrong went wrong for me. I contacted the relevant authorities and was told that my membership had been reinstated. Imagine my surprise when I logged in to see that a new forum (the secret mod board) had been added to the top of the forum list. I go in there every so often to have a nose around. It's like some sort of mirror-image, Orwellian parody of the main forum threads but mixed with elements from a Dan Brown illuminati tale. There are threads on each of us in a sub-forum called "Catharsis". Here the mods post their sarcastic, cruel and very rude comments about the forum members. This is how they manage to look cool and aloof and never bite despite immense bear-shaped provocation. In here they also use terms like underclass, spongers, benefit cheats and curry thiefs to refer to Registered Users. There's a sub forum called The Puppet Show in which the mods pick a random (and not so random) poster that they all gang up on to get them to do their bidding. There are a number of 5 star rated threads in here where they've constructed situations that have forced some posters to, as they call it, "Go Ugly". This is where the posters (you know who you are) get so wound up that they head off to the Ugly Inside vowing never to return, leaving a trail of crib-jettisoned playthings in their wake. They've got a post where Steve Grant reviews books. He's doing a really popular, chapter-by-chapter, literary dissection of Mein Kampf at the moment. It's not very edifying to be honest because most of the other mods seem to be literally masturbating over the vision of absolute power that The Grant is drip-feeding them. I personally found the discussion that followed Chapter 8 very upsetting. I think I might be breaking a commercial confidence here, but here goes. There's a massive thread that chronicles Steve Grant and Baj's long and drawn out attempts to takeover another forum. It's called the PompeyOnline Takeover Saga. It's full of analysis of PompeyOnline's finances and complex ownership structures. If PompeyOnline ever goes offline due to a technical fault then the thread absolutely erupts. Bores the crap out of me so I usually stay clear. Shocking revelation #1. There is no swear filter in the secret mod board. Shocking revelation #2. The mods are all actually part of a secret organisation that plans world domination. They rather grandly refer to themselves as The Modfathers. And here's the thing. JustMike is the leader of The Modfathers. Far from being one of the most recently elected mods (they call this being a made fan), no that was just a cover story, he's actually running the show. And far from being the friendly bobby-on-the-beat that he might appear, he is a truly evil genius. You should see some of things he posts about Saint in Paradise. Shocking revelation #3. alpine_saint is part of this Modfather organisation. He is the "Social Secretary" and his main role is to organise the curry evenings. I was really surprised to learn that he's actually a Life Coach and Positivity Counsellor in real life and counts Nigel Adkins among his clients. This is why he is immune from wind-uppery censure. Shocking revelation #4. Well, it appears that dune is being held forum-prisoner by the Modfathers. They've created an evil mind-altering experiment where they only allow him access to one thread entitled "If dune where really clever he'd post here". They know that dune has an ego you could photograph and therefore he can't help himself from posting on the one thread he has access to. But the truly evil bit is that they've constructed a special swear filter for dune that bans every word except "WHORE" and "THATCHER". The thread is filled with 76,349 posts, each filled with line upon line of random length asterisks as dune wrestles the competing voices of the id and the ego and attempts to find the boundaries of his new world. Then, in early summer 2012 he made his last posts. Posts 76348 and 76349 read respectively "THATCHER WHORE" and "WHORE THATCHER". I find it really sad that there was 17 minutes between those last two posts. I can't imagine what emotions he must have gone through in that time. He hasn't posted since. PM me if you want access to the sub-forum but don't tell the Modfathers.

George W accidentally votes for Obama. That's almost unbelievable.

I'm actually blind blind. As a result I can see perfectly. I just hope I don't go blind blind blind.