rallyboy

Slade really need to stop before it looks undignified.

Excellent - I'd forgotten the festive calendar game! By my reckoning the two surviving poster boys of the 2013 calendar have so far between them amassed a staggering total of exactly zero appearances for the plucky blues this season. As the club is making progress, my money is on a mere six of the 2014 dozen not surviving the January transfer window cull. It all depends on whether you are a half-full calendar sort of person. Re the quiz - there are so many questions about their recent history that need addressing! But with most of those never likely to be answered... What unique hat trick has the club achieved in the last fifteen years? Or, who is the only portsmouth-born player to score the winner in a post-war fa cup final? (probably)

Money an issue???? No, we are rolling in it! If what I hear socially every couple of weeks comes to pass then pompey will be able to buy Chelsea ten times over! And even if it doesn't, there are several consortiums waiting in the wings to snap up the sleepiest giant in world football - I can't say who but think of China, South Africa and Jupiter. Oh yes, you jealous Nutjobs with your crazy theories wish that there were money issues, but I'm afraid that just isn't true. Even if it went a little wrong we still have the parachute payments to cover everything, and they are ringfenced. Mugs! Sorry I've not been about much since my street cred was destroyed, it's a busy time of year. regards Ho. Ho. Ho.

so it's the nasty league again, allowing the other teams an additional 30mins after the hour to turn the game around. Re the myths and delusion, I honestly believe it is more about ignorance. I have witnessed first hand the lack of knowledge about their recent history. Many of the few think that they have paid off all debts, they don't understand nor care about the business side, they also believe stuff made up about our administration, and they are content to embrace every myth offered to them. While it remains the Isle of the Easily-Led, the fairy tales and delusion will continue. It would be good for all concerned if real questions were asked of the Property Developing Trust, genuine transparency was introduced, and their criminal history was addressed rather than brushed under the carpet as part of a cherry-picking of history. But most only care what happens on a Saturday aftneroon - any crimes committed off the pitch are ignored as irrelevant. If they looked at the whole picture they could move on - and this thread would drift away peacefully in it's sleep.

thanks Mr Bear, and to all the voters what slapped a cross in me box - and you are right, the Lounge is some sort of rundown council estate desperately in need of regeneration, I is definitely looking for some transfer action in the January window. I've been held in the PTS thread remand centre for years now. Me and the Trousers share a cell, and as you know he is a bloke what can fill a bucket before midnight, meaning any time spent in solitary is a breath of fresh air. So Bearsy, as Mr Big on the East Wing, do you reckon you could put in a word for me re a transfer? I'd like to get in on the main board scene and though I'm not sure that I'm fickle enough, or mentally ill, I am prepared to try. I'll throw my season ticket at the dugout if the parking price goes up, or I'll stand looking really serious in front of the ground, waving a hankie to display my displeasure. But as someone who is on the register, I am prepared to make the following offer... If you makes the official presentation at the next home game, I'll pay Mr G a fiver to buy my way off the offender programme, as long as the Bear helps me adjust back into mainstream society and offers me spritiual guidance...and first go on his sister.

The first rule of Transparency Club.

I thought the season ticket total was around 10,000 at about £200 a go. That low price certainly got the numbers in but we always said that it would damage the income for the rest of the season. The plan was to get that hardcore in for cashflow, and then to get a promotion campaign on the go to fill the ground and bring in matchday income. So yes, on paper 15,000 for League Two looks pretty good, compared with people like Newport and Accrington - but the masterplan has gone off the rails. For the self-proclaimed biggest fan-owned club in history, who claimed in their marketing material the best atmosphere in world football, there was an intention to have gates of 18,000+ cheering them back to the Prem. Perhaps a more modest club might accept some stabilising years in the basement, but when you gob off like that and then fail to deliver.... And if you think that is just unrealistic Nutjobbery, check out our own stats from League One and imagine the attendances if we had done season tickets at £200 - we took 50,000+ to Wembley paying full price. Coventry recently took 7,000 to an away game, Leeds took 6,500, people like West Ham can muster 6,000. pompey's fanbase can be measured by their away trips that are charged at full price. They may consider themselves a big fish in League Two, but their second season in the basement will tell us how the projections are working, and how fresh that feelgood factor really is. rallyboy you jealous nutjob, 15,000 is fantastic... Yes it would be - if they were all paying!

That must have been a good day out! Did you visit the permanent exhibition Toilets from the Middle Ages or attend the living art installation Unpacked Park? If I'd known you were going you could have picked me up a souvenir jar of tap fat, or some horse brass and heather from the club shop.

shellshocked is indeed the term. He had a wake up call today and it sounded like he didn't enjoy it. No Cotterillesque delusion, Barker just came across as a man lost, stunned by the lack of fight in his squad. Whittingham must have wet himself when he saw their result. Perhaps the booing today was still for Guy rather than aimed at the heroic players who will hopefully take the club to a new level... That said, it was the most passionate and loyal booing in the country. I also felt a bit sorry for their overpaid keeper - his comment that there are no leaders was quite telling. I'd expect Barker to bring in some old warhorse to try and get some steel in the team as they are clearly pushovers at the moment. God help them if they draw our youth team in any competition soon.

It was indeed an honour to meet the godfather of the thread, and to ask him how I can claim back the two years of my life that must have been lost within these pages. As for Lord T, you alone obviously understand why I entered West Quay dressed as Kendo Nagasaki, it's the only way to preserve my true identity. My next undercover public appearance will be as Father Christmas in Cosham High Street - so if any of the caravanning few want to have a word, bring it on, I'll see you in the grotto you sister-bothering dentist-dodgers! I'll be the one in red and white, and just like Avram I'll be giving it the big ho-ho-ho.

I'm a little bit confused. Who am I supposed to be now? I thought I only existed on this forum but I seem to have spilled out into the real world. Please put me back in the thread, I was happy there, it's my safe place.

that's not exactly what Mrs RB just said. She looked over my shoulder, saw the forum and said oh I see you're still working on really important stuff.

Enough time has passed for the true story to be writ large in the book of myths. Plucky young blues edged out in seven goal thriller! A Saints youth squad crammed with first team experience was given a football lesson this week in front of a silent home crowd, and were fortunate not to be facing a daunting replay and certain defeat in the packed cauldron of passion that is fortress fatpipes. Despite a numerical advantage due to visiting players caught in the travel chaos caused by the size of the blue following, the pompey academy team shocked their south coast rivals and were only denied a deserved victory by poor refereeing and misfortune. While pompey's squad was selected from pure-blooded Portsea boys, the home side's teamsheet was littered with dirty foreigners and at least four of their goals had a hint of offside about them, while another two should have been ruled as freekicks to the away side. In theory that means that one goal separated the two sides after an end-to-end battle that left the stunned and meagre home support reeling, but the battle was crucially decided by a moment of hesitation from an official. With nine-man pompey dominating the game after twenty minutes and pushing for a breathrough, a desperate Saints clearance released the pressure and bounced awkwardly in the pompey half before somehow finding it's way into the net. Despite protests, the 'goal' was allowed to stand. Rather than buckle under the weight of this blatant injustice, the setback just served to compound the resilience shown by Awford's young community-owned charges, and the rest of the game was one way traffic. Though the result could be viewed by some as a minor setback, the pitiful home crowd that had been outsung for ninety minutes by the massed blue army that filled three sides of the council-owned stadium applauded the efforts of the pompey academy, before booing their own side. The boos turned to violence as a group of strike-breaking Southampton dockers broke away from their picket-crossing antics to attack a frail disabled old lady in the away section. Fortunately the groups' assault was driven back by two plucky children, armed only with their pride. But on the pitch it had been an astonishing night for the young blues who may well have been robbed of actual victory in a football sense, but were clearly the real winners on a night when the result didn't matter.

dear few What the f$ck? I've just seen the accounts, and I thought Crawley was a mess. When's my signing on fee hitting the account? No seriously, where is it? A banking error, oh right. And now I discover that Coppell is going to be on more than I am within a few months, what a joke. Where's the training ground? What? Bloody hell. How many are we expecting on Saturday? No, not the away support, the attendance? Oh. Connolly shut it, I know you wanted the job, yes you will get a game - and why are you limping? No I don't want to fill in a template, what do you mean you've already sent it out? Why would I say that? What a frigging joke. Anyway, let me see the first team training when these reserves have finished. What? Sh1t. And what is that running out of the taps? regards Richie

an important little gem from Solent... Coppell will be involved in watching games, scouting, assisting the manager, advising the board, laying the foundation for a five year plan etc etc. His role will be unpaid....INITIALLY. Yes, he's not costing a penny, dining on roadkill squirrel and riding a bike to games - but only initially! After the spin has died down about him working for free, he's going to be granted elbow room at the trough.

That Bradley incident has been the saddest advert for their club since they moved on from money-laundering, theft and prostitution, to match-fixing. Two fellow professionals (sort of) run into each other, the lesser-known one asks for a photo and is chuffed enough to Tweet it. Is that a crime? Apparently so - he is vilified and abused by cross-eyed, toothless, sister-bothering heather-flogging simpletons, who on Saturday will sing the name of a man who scored goals for us, and who unlike all of his colleagues, has never put his name to their media template no.3 - the one that praises the bestest fans in world sport. So having your picture taken with an England international makes you a disloyal **** who doesn't understand the rivalry, but cheering on the bloke who scored goals in red and white is okay. They are dim.

you made me chuckle there Bob. Yes those floorboards are indeed the original poop deck from HMS Victory, and the tablecloth is the main sail that was later used at Trafalgar to wrap Nelson's body - commonly known as the shroud of Tipner. Both are valued by Storrie Antiques at £700M. The glasses are the original ones used by Churchill and the Beverley Sisters to toast Victory in Europe, while the fat tramp in the open-necked shirt is just a competition winner. He came up with the best PR plan to explain away the coincidental Crawley departure of Mr Barker, and won himself a no-expenses ever paid night out with three very serious men sat around a table that is too small for purpose, surrounded by adverts encouraging people to bet on football matches. Mr Barker went on to praise the passion and loyalty of the fans, something he observed first hand as he waited in the wings watching his predecessor being hounded out. But it was the bestest booing there has ever been.

easy to get yourself sacked Mr G if you have another job lined up that requires you being a free agent. You just start an argument with the board. Compensation not allowed, but nothing about signing on fees - I'd be surprised if they haven't had to pay him instead of Crawley. Let's not forget January 2010 when several players suddenly gave up their contracts at other clubs and became free agents thus beating the embargo. Tis a well-trodden path.

Not Barker surely? The hot favourite from day one? No, that can't be right because it would suggest that the last week of sham interviews was to disguise the fact that he breached his Crawley contract to save pompey compensation and they needed to go through the motions with the other 99 candidates. Well if it is Barker, it's another Football League rule carefully sidestepped!

If the away teams are scared to play there, the home team is overcome by pressure, all officials wilt at the majesty of the occasion, and the fat in the pipes is the only thing holding the place up, why don't they just bulldoze and start again with something a bit nicer?

If the council hadn't given them a safety certificate, they wouldn't have got their loan back. All this infighting was entirely predictable. Imagine what it would be like if they had some success and there was actually something to fight over. The number of jobs that could be dished out on Premier League money could keep the extended families happy for years. Let's not forget that their kitman was on a higher salary than our manager when we were in the Championship. But that was under very different owners who had little transparency and were more concerned with conning the fans, gambling on elusive promotion, and looking after themselves. Thankfully they left those days behind.

Personally I'd like them to up the ante a bit on the big race to snatch the hot seat. The PR so far has been pretty shoddy. Perhaps link a few more ludicrously-ambitious target names with it, handily glossing over the whole compensation issue. Or suggest that big names have been rejected, turned down by the plucky blue board as they seek a better option. Maybe slag off anyone who declines it, no doubt because the job is too big for them. Yeah, come on on, let's hear more spin about the 100 great applicants clamouring to take on the biggest dream job in football...do they have the experience? Can they match the ambitions of the board? Can they cope with the passion of the fatpipes faithful? Will they turn El Rickety into an arena where teams fear to tread? Do they want to bother prossies at the club's expense? Can they fill in a media template? All these important questions need answering.

Don't mock, when they gave away more cut-price season tickets than expected, the first thing they did was put the extra money into clearing debt and paying off the small creditors. They didn't just offer higher wages to loan players, take a punt of promotion, or sign a keeper that Bury couldn't afford. That would have been an indication that nothing had changed since the nasty criminals ran the old club - the club that gloriously won the cup against all odds (and had a bit of historical debt that was a long time ago and has really got nothing to do with the current regime).

pompey may have been around longer than Crawley and have a bigger fanbase, but there is no structure, a crumbling stadium, no youth development, legacy debt and little sign of quality management in the boardroom. It's a club that needs a squad overhaul midseason, but with no great money to spend. Players will have to be released/sold before many can be brought in. It's a project that was started badly by a cowboy builder and now needs a firefighting rescue job. As in previous years, unless you are being highly paid or have little choice because no one else wants you (Appy, Cotterill, Whittingham), who would want to take the job? They haven't attracted a good quality manager in years, and even though they are technically bigger than Crawley, I don't see the attraction improving now they are in the basement. So it may be career progression, but it could be a long way round as a shortcut to the Championship. If I was a manager I think I'd wait and see who gets fired next in the Championship or League One - there will be better opportunities if you are a good manager. If however you aren't much good, take it!

He breaches his contract to get himself sacked. pompey don't have to pay compensation. Barker agrees a signing on fee, less than the compensation would have been. pompey fans don't get told about the hidden costs. Everyone's a winner. That would be a transparent way to do business - if it came to pass...