rallyboy

The tour was funded by Fareham businessman Dave Ellis and the Gibraltar FA, a fact which puts to bed accusations of how the club managed to afford it. Err, no it doesn't - mainly because the club has boasted this in previous years and the accounts later showed that they were lying - so this is just 'Birchy spin' to appease creditors. But on this sunny morning I'm prepared to offer crumbs of praise... They are clearing out high earners which should be applauded, the wage bill is dropping, the club is sailing towards the far distant island of solvent trading, for the first time in about a decade. Yes the island is merely a hazy dot on the horizon, but they can now see it. Nutjobs may observe that its the slowest and worst-promoted fricking firesale in history as it should have been done at least two years ago - BUT it's the first step toward competing as a proper football club, so praise where praise is due. If they start trading solvently I might even re-introduce a capital letter for portsmouth, but not yet. Because the important bit will be what happens next.... Let's assume they stumble into the new season - will that be with a squad of cheap misfits, or will they just start a new cycle of wages insanity? Experience suggests that the club is a crack addict and won't be able to resist overstretching. Cue battling Appy demanding a promotion warchest and poaching plucky sought-after journeymen strikers from under the nose of rivals - and other tabloidese nonesense that is meant to motivate the dim and distract them from the fact that their club is now such a leper in football circles that they have to be accompanied by a bloke with a bell.

just spent two hours in pompey, did Arry a bit of market research to support his grand claims. Only saw three shirts - pompey 2-1 Chelsea. It appears Arry's dog was talking crap. Though I did see a lot of scrawny pike-children who are either sporting our new home kit, or have still to grasp the connection between direct sun for twelve hours and skin cancer. And from The News it does look like old naughty hands has dropped a clanger re the players' chances of getting paid. They really need to rehearse these statements if they want to show a united front. How is Moneypenny doing raising funds to save the club? It looks like that sponsored pie-eating contest she embarked on is going particularly well. Finally, business news...Anyone seen the side of the building that is missing a letter at Hilsea? it says in massive print Portsmouth holesale Either Mr Birch is already selling the ground, or Avram has hit the jackpot.

anyone who thinks that font was a good idea deserves to be liquidated. And what do all of those characters on the winner of the backward kids' scary poster competition have in common? fortress fatpipe legends, one and all! All of them were held up as heroes at one time or other. Methinks they need to be a bit more selective over who they welcome in. Though after years of criminality and two insolvency events I guess its a bit late for that sort of advice, even if I was trying to be helpful.

I am convinced that if both parties, the club and the players, can come to the table and stop conducting such personal negotiations through the media, a compromise will 
be reached said the man pausing to sign an autograph before releasing a press statement and conducting his campaign through the media. Time for a new photo of AA methinks, or a new whispy frontal comb-over. Two gruelling years of not being able to sleep with worry and guilt over the debacle that was CVA1, is starting to show. At least he doesn't look seedy.

How irresponsible of Trousers to post that map. It's obviously from the ongoing and confidential Cala Developments planning application. It clearly shows that he intends to submerge southern England, presumably using a furry but disciplined army of trained beavers to dam key rivers. This will enable him to open not just a flagship Harbourdome Arena development for the World Cup Final, but a whole chain of underwater hotel casino resorts, incorporating deep sea Saab dealerships, Mr Clives, Spearmint Avrams, and marine petting zoos. And no Avram, you don't need to help with the training.

Harry riding into town?? They need that like a school sports day needs Gary Glitter as the dressing room attendant. The key for me regarding players getting paid post-liquidation is that their contracts revert to the Football League, so the football authorites have responsibility for their contracts. Legally that's pretty clear cut I would have thought. There is no way they will 'get nothing' - that's just a lie that is being spun out of desperation to pressure thick players. Presumably the FL could also take 'compensation' payments from new clubs to offset any costs to pay the players up to date, rather than giving them away. And let's repeat another little gem for the rest of the world who appear a little slow of thinking. pompey were GIVEN money to pay these players, but they chose not to do that. They have wasted it, bought even more players, used it as part of a money-laundering scheme, chucked it into a black hole, but chose not to use it for the purpose for which it was GIVEN to them. This is not an unfortunate turn of events, it is criminal mismanagement and the result of a club blatantly gambling to gain a sporting advantage. Twice! They shot themselves in the foot, reloaded and shot themselves again, while merrily waving the cup in people's faces and sticking two fingers up at football - and now they want sympathy.... Yeah, good luck with that one. and Gordon's more of a union representative that you'll ever be!

what a great training camp! Big earners isolated and insulted by being left at home. No one worth signing. Nine goals conceded, one scored. Sponsor insulted after forking out for a 'pompey pre-season' that was in fact a holiday for stangers. Club now re-seeded below the Isle of Wight and Jersey in world rankings. On reflection, Cotterill's US comedy roadshow tour in the style of Spinal Tap meets Frank Spencer now looks constructive.

it seems pretty simple now. Birch just needs to get a business plan approved by all of the players and their agents, Chanrai, the Trust, all football creditors, all the individual unpaid creditors of CVA1 and Baker Tilley, all the creditors of a potential CVA2, HMRC, AA, all those owed under £2,500, the PFA, the FL and The Prem. What could possibly go wrong with that meeting? Chanrai is just as likely now to write off his cash and embrace the Trust's plans to shaft him, just as any loan shark would, the players will walk because they are plucky and loyal, there will be 100% support from creditors for a second raping, the taxman will just laugh it off, and the football creditors will just accept that the FC rule is a little silly anyway and put it down to experience. Once Trev's formulated this grand plan and tweaked it to satisfy all of those parties, he's home and dry! But unlike the clock of fat, time is ticking - so I suggest he cracks on with the invites asap, perhaps get some nibbles in and a few bottles of pop. Maybe with the emphasis on the pop.

so what have we learned today then my little nutjob friends? 1. Avram's passion 'has been stirred', so he is presumably cruising the streets of Horton Heath tonight in 2nd gear...mainly because his trousers are caught around the pedals. Yes, if the old fella's stirring then he'll be out there now, popping his little Astra up the ringroad. 2. Trevor Birch hasn't spoken to any players - which might explain why negotiations have been slow, he hasn't actually started them. 3. We also discovered the Trust's great plan. Tell you what, this is the most important letter we will write in our lifetime, shall we get it done professionally? No, just chuck it together, it's only aimed at people thicker than us - we should also insult the players in it, they'll like that. Shall we make it a real show of strength and gather our entire fanbase at the gate to deliver them? Yes. 4. We had a timely reminder via PoL of why the majority on here don't care about them. 5. They seem to have stopped selling tickets....mmm. When Birch says the club could be liquidated in two weeks, does he actually mean that his company's exposure to the running costs are predicted to kick in then, so he has started locking gates and executing club cats etc? Surely he hasn't managed to gobble up all of the potential parachute payments already? I'm no expert but the signs would suggest that they could now be moving onto the next stage of what is known in technical circles as being in a little bit of a pickle. nice one Guan.

haven't got time to deal with Avram's stirring passion as the real world is calling on my time... But there was never going to be any doubt about Ben Haim driving by, he is the cartoon villain in the panto, and for that reason has to be seen as uncaring - no doubt he was dressed from head to toe in black and wore a hat crafted from murdered puppies. It's all part of the cliched script that will be lapped up by the gullible. Next chapter should be some loyal plucky hero talking to the crowd, who have rolled up three years too late. yawn.

re the difference in fans, yes most cities have idiots but without wanting to sound like Pamela Stephenson, I know these people, I've worked with these kids, and pompey is 'different'. A man walking through Southampton in a pompey shirt would get some abuse, a man couldn't walk through pompey in a Saints shirt without getting assaulted. There is a clear difference. They don't like 'strangers', and there are significant racist attitudes down there that wouldn't be out of place in the 1970s - you only have to see the references to St Marys being Little Delhi or full of Poles. They do have some reasonable and sensible fans in much the same was as we have some racists and idiots, but they have more than their fair share. Maybe it's an island mentality that leaves you isolated and stuck in the past. The likes of Ho haven't helped because you then get the impression that all of their fans are delusional fantasists. How about claiming that they are better fans than Boca Juniors, Galatasary, Newcastle or Celtic?... Yet the only thing they packed when the going got tough was their bags. They have no shame. I have never heard a Saints fan claim to be the bestest, even when we took over 50,000 to Wembley. And their appetite for embracing spin is awesome, they will buy into any press release or statement without question - maybe that's a navy thing, following orders? And the myths... The re-telling of pub folk stories as fact just make them ALL look like idiots. Fantasy dockstrikes, Nazi gold, 13,000 free tickets at SMS, booing our own team - the list goes on and on and just toughens resolve to see these simpletons removed from football. That and a lack of understanding of the crimes committed by their own club, it's always been someone else's fault. Those that visit PoL might be able to shed some light - do many of their fans admit that they should have done far more and were wrong not to question CSI, Lampitt, Redknapp, Storrie etc when things were going well? Did they protest about the crazy wages? They're now just figures of fun, and the ringmaster is a man dressed as a dirty clown - it's no more than a little freak show. So I think the two cities are different. And anyone who is in any doubt just needs to check out that latest PoL posting that does the majority of their fanbase no favours and fuels the call for liquidation on here. Anyone got Tony Martin's number?

sorry I've not been on much recently, I was deeply buried in a pit of despair after witnessing the humiliating failure to win 'our own trophy' at SMS - will that painful memory never fade?? I thought leaving The Dell was sad, a couple of relegations and a last ditch escape from liquidation toughened me up, but the sinking feeling when Anderlecht scored in front of The Chapel was like all of those setbacks rolled into one second - it will stay with me until my dying day, it was my Diana moment. You would have heard my wailing but there was taped crowd noise being pumped out, that's probably why most people booed our own team and left at half time as is the tradition, thus avoiding the crush caused by all the free ticket holders who are either from Poland, Asia, or on welfare. Yes, it's a depressing time here at the smallest club in Hampshire. The media don't like us, we can't attract any big name players, and even though most of our fans are Polish plumbers with free tickets, we haven't even got hot and cold running fat! - the future looks SO bleak. I wish we'd won a trophy back in the first half of the last century when racism and national service was all the rage, then I'd have some self-worth. Did I tell you how some random player was once asked if Saints had the bestest support and he nodded and muttered 'whatever' as he hurried to the first coach out of town? That's a fact and proves all kinds of things. Oh well, it's just a memory now. As it is we are now just a small time club and fans of bigger teams like the Royal Engineers and Huddersfield Town will just mock us. Can I only dream of supporting a club with a history? Money-laundering, arms-dealing, Angolan warcrimes, insolvent trading, illegal accounts being presented to courts, the theft of pension funds, links to organised crime, more insolvent trading, a manager who sticks his genitals in crack addicts, tax evasion, yet more insolvent trading, cancer charity theft, a manager who sticks his genitals in children, British Legion theft.... We just can't compete with that history.

is it the end? We've been here before, they stood up in front of a judge with some fantasy accounts scribbled on the back of a fag packet explaining how they weren't trading insolvently, how they weren't in bed with organised crime and how they were definitely not money-laundering on an industrial scale. So it should have been over that day, and it didn't happen. They've clearly been trading insolvently for months, yet they continue. They contested last season using money stolen from pensioners, but that was okay as it was plucky little pompey. So I'm still not convinced, even though my Aug 2nd tip is bubbling under nicely... Would I be sad to see a club go out of business? Yes. Would I be worried about a club that has pressed the self-destruct button at every opportunity? Not a fricking chance. The way they have done business has been insane, even the nutjobs on here explained to them two years ago that it would end like this. They had the chance to go clean, to spend within their means, to run a proper business. But they chose to cheat the system, to gain a sporting advantage through fraud and to hang onto their loyal heroes to remain in the championship. Call me a miserable nutjob but the sympathy bus don't stop at my house no more.

take a pay cut you greedy bastards so we can pocket the parachute money and shaft a few more creditors - and by the way, I'm going on holiday with some random strangers and you eight can go f$ck yourselves. What an interesting approach to negotiating. I wonder how that plea will work out...

DD is right, Norris has gone from glorious plucky loyal hero who scored the goal that kept the scummers down to being one of the greedy mercenaries who is killing the club and should be physically threatened for having the audacity to want his own wages. As we once again face a rewrite of history, it's time to make your mind up. So was that trip to SMS a great day out for the bestest travelling 'army', or was it just a travelling insolvency roadshow and final curtain call for some of the stars who have destroyed pompey? I look back on it now as a living museum of managerial incompetence, a farewell showcase introducing us to the last generation of players who pushed pompey to the brink - a sort ofAdministration Live without Robert Peston. Yep, I was disappointed at the time but on reflection it was nice to see the players who banged in the last coffin nails - like there is any room left on the lid! A parade of high wage earners who crippled the club, presented to us so we could show our gratitude, and ironically the point and bonus they got that day was just another little dent in the costs - every bit helps. And next up we have Kanu, he's milked them for millions and has done more damage to pompey than the Luftwaffe ever managed, cue polite applause from bewildered SMS crowd. So when pompey came to SMS we should have shown them all more respect, even the likes of Rocha. He might look like a swarthy Romanian horse thief and dog rapist blessed with the ball skills of a lame donkey, but without his wages they would be better off, so well done mate. Kanu, Ben Haim, Kitson, Lawrence, Norris, Varney and all the other relegated players - they all did sterling work and WE were lucky enough to see their farewell tour. I salute them.

I must have misunderstood. I thought the Football League said in essence, you can have your Golden Share in our private club under conditions, one of them being that you accept a points penalty without appeal. If Mr Birch has just said they are going to appeal it then he is declining their offer of the Golden Share. So, whoops, there goes the future! - wave goodbye to the football league, shut the door on your way out. Or is he just spinning more meaningless drivel to the dim-witted, especially as he seems to have missed the deadline for a standard appeal anyway. I seem to recall AA going through a similar fantasy appeal process over the European place. He too missed the deadline but was adamant that he would overturn it. We've been here before - grand posturing and gobby claims shouted from rooftops, followed by meek surrender to the inevitable. I'd hope for humanity's sake that the majority of the few see right through this ridiculous claim and file it with the rest of the plucky rubbish that regularly spurts out of fortress fatpipe. As for Howard etc - a free training camp in the sun to get you fit for another club - what is there not to like about that offer?!

Trousers you cynic, the poor bloke has explained it. He's joined as 'a coach', not a player. And as we all know, the best way to coach young defenders is not during training but by playing alongside them. You must remember Alex Ferguson's great games in midfield when Beckham was coming through, and even closer to home, if Kelv gets injured, I'll be disappointed if we don't start one or two games this season with Nige playing in the back four so he can to chat to Forecast. You nutjobs always assume the worst, in fact you've all become so confused you're even writing anonymous letters to yourselves, and replying with indignation. Anyway, it's not that they've sneaked a player in under radar, or paid out more wages they haven't got. I'm sure this guy isn't costing them a penny, he'll have come in under the Tent and Rodent policy. And he just finds it difficult to shout from the bench, so he likes to put a shirt and boots on and stand near them on the pitch - you're picking on a poor bloke because he suffers with a sensitive larynx. Though there is the school of thought that says, if it looks like a player, dresses like a player and runs around the pitch after the ball, the chances are, it is a player. I wonder if we'll move quickly to, we only registered him to play for emergencies but he's been a revelation, he's winning all the sprint competitions in training and we have an injury crisis so he's going to play 40 games.

don't like to kick them while they are down, but this is another example of a meek fanbase lapping up spin. Birch sounds VERY uncertain as to his defence of Kanu's claim - it sounds 50:50 from those quotes. But all over Portsea people will be dismissing it, along with the other points raised by my learned nutjob friends. Like the points penalty that was always likely but was met with astonishment by a dim public, if Kanu does manage to claim a few million, there will be shockwaves and a feeling that it is unfair because the spin said otherwise. It'll be like the nasty authorities punishing them twice. Again. It's time for the few to stand up and ask some questions. If they did that and gained some knowledge of the subject it would save me loads of time having to explain every fricking twist to the pompey fans that I know. Idiot's Guide. Kanu could well have a claim, Birch is still investigating. Whatever Chinny did or didn't do, his secured position is pretty sturdy, Birch decided not to challenge it. The Trust will have to do a deal with him if they want to move forward. No new owner will take control with the current wagebill. If they exit without a CVA this time it will be another offence, so there will be another points penalty - it won't be a third punishment for the same offence. Something will come up is not a valid business plan.

UnAppy - The club is in big trouble, we cannot spend any money and a good pre-season training camp is a vital part of our promotion campaign, would you help fund it? Ellis - I'm a fan and I want to do my bit, of course I'll help. UnAppy - thanks, it's not just a holiday... Ellis - No I appreciate that, it's a chance for the first team squad to get back to peak fitness and gel with the new signings. UnAppy - mmm. Ellis (laughing) It's not like I've been conned in to paying for a holiday for random strangers who will play no part in any pompey future!.... silence. (UnAppy shuffles awkwardly, tumbleweed blows through the room, Ellis waves goodbye to his cash and joins a long list of shafted locals)

good email that Mr T. I was a little surprised that a senior politician would advertise his ignorance quite so clearly* He obviously has NO grasp of the facts whatsoever, and his letter will be treated with disdain by the football authorities - and rightly so. He's just wasted an hour of his own life and everyone else's - a little less time harvesting the votes of simpletons and a little more time governing might be nice. *no I wasn't.

Looking for adventure?... Tired of life on the scrapheap?.... Feel that your career has hit rock bottom and you could only sink lower if you offered filthy sailor's 'special services' on the quayside? Well why not leave your **** life behind for ten days, join Capt Appy's Extreme Camping, Sailing and Hunting charity* tour of Gibraltar this summer! Day one, you meet up with a bunch of strangers and misfits in the car park of Halfords, some of these people may be convicted criminals. On the special command, you all steal bikes and head off to Camber Docks. Four stomach-churning days later your fishing vessel will sail into Gib, but there's no time for sightseeing, for the survivors it's off into the hills on two wheels to catch squirrels/monkeys and build shelters. But what's in it for me, I hear you squeal with excitement, other than motion sickness, stomach cramps, broken promises, exposure, and scurvy... Absolutely nothing! You might be asked to play a match, but you won't get taken on, and you'll get promised stuff that will never happen - you're only there to meet some contractual requirement agreed by a lunatic. But on the plus side, you'll bond with a bunch of people that you won't see ever again - and you'll come home after a week dining on the finest squirrel stew thinking that Iceland stores sell quality food, and a Premier Inn is posh. But don't take our word for it, see what our happy customers have to say... It's been four years now, seriously, when am I going to get paid? Sol, London What do you mean the squirrel is Halal? TBH, Monaco They can't afford to pay me but they're having ANOTHER fricking holiday?? Terry B, no fixed abode So these pretty little monkeys, they just hang around on the rocks, naked you say?.... AG, Horton Heath I thought Cotterill's US holiday was barmy but this takes the biscuit. LL, c/o ticket office. *No creditors will be hurt by this trip. Much.

sorry to be controversial but I've never really wanted them liquidated, I just wanted to see a decent punishment imposed for the blatant criminality and cheating. If you'd asked me a while back when it looked like they could hang onto their Championship status, I'd have said I wanted to see them starting in League One with about -15. Let's not forget that it wouldn't have required too much for us to be facing the nightmare scenario of starting in the same divison as them in a few weeks - that would've been grossly unfair. So on that basis, we are not far off the punishment that I hoped to see. If you add in the financial restrictions then perhaps we are there. If anyone still thinks they've got away with it - they've plummeted through two divisions and are potless, plus our change in fortunes has just compounded the dwindling few's misery. So for me justice has almost been done - all we need now is some sort of apology or admission of guilt and I'm happy, and from the way their fans were throwing coins and abuse out of the South Stand on our final visit to fortress fatpipes, I can see we are nearly there... I have no wish to see them saved, I certainly won't shed tears if HMS Liquidation cruises quietly past the Round Tower, the damage has all been self-harm with full fan support. But I see their current state as a pretty decent punishment, and the restrictions should halt any thoughts of a repeat. Put me down for August 2nd.

I see three likely outcomes. 1.Chinny goes bonkers and desperately tries to keep his debt alive and keeps the life support switched on. 2.Chinny cuts his losses and forces liquidation. 3.Chinny goes bonkers, takes a massive haircut and full Brazilian, and allows the Trust to take control. It is very clear that today the club is on the ground, seriously injured and at the mercy of creditors. Should they survive, will we see humble apologies and public votes of thanks to those who have written off debts? Experience says will we ****! History will be rewritten, yet more new myths will be born. Whatever form of afc pompey emerges from the debris and shame will be rebranded as the plucky club that battled it's way back to non-league glory against the odds. The debts will be swept under the carpet, the victims and charities will be airbrushed away, we will just be left with the folk storries of the fans who never gave up, the packed parks, terrified opponents crumbling under crowd pressure, the nasty league punishing them twice for the same offence, and the glorious final victory of the club that never surrendered at fortress Tesco. Their Trust will lead our national game into a new era, forcing others to rethink how they do business, they will shake the very foundations of Lancaster Gate - it will be people power reclaiming the football arenas of Britain and the world! This version of events may even be accompanied by a motivational poster showing UnAppy and Avram in some sort of dark homo-erotic gladiator pose. Either way it will gloss over the uncomfortable facts - it's been that way for the last few years, I see no reason for change. So if any of you nutjobs are expecting some sort of personality U-turn from the gobby few, don't be surprised when a year from now we are hearing a VERY different version of events. It will be how THEY told the league what would be happening, how they sold Kanu on their terms, how thousands of fans forced the Prem into backtracking, how the loyal lads embarked on a pioneering total football strategy revolutionising the world game using teenagers from their amazing academy. That's why this PTS record of events isn't just the ranting and guesswork of random loons, it's an important historical document and needs to be written out in long hand by someone...perhaps with monks doing those nice big twirly letters and gold leaf at the start of each post.

nice one G. I'm not convinced that they won't just stumble on - god knows how, but let's not forget that this turd has been bobbing about for quite a time. We've written them off before. They should've been wound up in court, and it was madness for Chinny to even think about coming back - whose to say he might not decide to chuck more money into the black hole just to spite the FL and the Trust? Though in reality, one prod with a birch twig and a good old flush might be enough to see them around the U bend.

just to address Skate Excuse no.1. The failure of the Fit and Proper Person Test..... It isn't designed to protect clubs from their own stupid decisions, in much the same way as mortgage lenders aren't there to stop you buying an ugly house with no parking. All of them will lend you a % of the money as long as they know that whatever happens they can get their share back - they don't give a sh!t if you choose a house that looks horrible or is in a nasty area, all they want is their money. For the fans and former owners to suggest the F and PPT should prevent them from welcoming lunatics and suspected crooks is ridiculous. It is mainly intended to prevent convicted criminals from taking control. If you were buying a car and the internet suggested the selling party was leaving a trail of unhappy customers, what would you do? Ask some random third party to judge whether it was a good idea, or make a judgement yourself? I chose to do business with the mafia and a loan shark - it didn't end well, it must be someone else's fault. The F and PPT is not a recruitment tool to assist club representatives who have poor judgement, it's a last resort for when their judgement is criminally poor. One day someone down there might just stand up and admit that they got it wrong - but until then, it's everyone else's fault.