Waterside.saint

Yes, always have a backup plan in case your own team is falling short, #p1sspoorportsmouth provide an inexhaustible supply of merriment

S****.horpe 5-0 against the bestest

^This

Scunny now 4-0 against #lowlyportsmouth, though

Yes patience Grasshopper, mopo may have a plan

Wonder what Mopo will be saying to the squad at HT. Hopefully something that works

On the other hand, Scun-thorpe now 3-0 up against #lowlyportsmouth

Not the same.

Time for a nun?

With Carroll still banned, Big Sam will be wondering what they can do to stop us

Meanwhile in other news 'RICHIE BARKER warned his Pompey troops they are playing for their futures over the campaign’s finale.' http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/sport/pompey/barker-warns-players-over-futures-1-5891911 Apparently they still have a third of their games still to go, and their "challenge is to deliver two league (*league two, that is ) wins on the bounce for the first time" Who'd 'a thunk it? The bestest struggling to win two games on the spin against L2 opposition, even with one of the most expensive squads in the division

Never mind the play-offs, its still mathematically *possible* for them to rip up the league: http://stats.football365.co.uk/dom/ENG/D3/runin.html

Lets hope that Cheltenham recognise their visit to fatpipes for what it is, an opportunity to boost their goal difference against #l2strugglingportsmouth. I envisage 0-5 to the visiting cup finalists

God bless those inexhaustible parachute payments Oh...

Well, now they've got a win under their belts they'll be unstoppable, they're climbing the league and their bitter jealous South Coast rivals will be forced to watch with envy their irresistible progress as they consistently pack their park with the keenest most dedicated supporters in all the land* *Trans: the fishy phew will continue to prattle emptily to anyone who will listen about what a great setup they have whilst hoping like f*ck that they don't get found out before the money runs out

And once they've got a nice shiny Tesco there in front, it would make sense to finish the job and flatten fatpipes ready to be redeveloped as, say, a boutique gym so that the phew will have somewhere to expend their excess energy on Saturdays rather than roaming the streets or getting into trouble at football matches

On the other hand, perhaps the frequent and regular passage of 250,000 pairs of the fishiest feet will tamp down all that disturbed soil and provide a solid footing for Tescos concrete and tarmac

Thats not just any wedgie. Its #lowlyportsmouth's firstest, biggestest and bestest atomic wedgie

Hard to see how Tescos reputation will be improved by physical proximity with fatpipes. Unless their plans include bulldozing their tatty timber tabernacle sometime soon

Overflow car parking, more like - Tescos will want to expand once they've driven the local shops out of business

Looking at the plans, it looks as if fatpipes is tucked out of sight away *behind* Tescos. Their problem will likely be more how they keep the fishy phew out of their nice clean store when they've been soundly thrashed at home and are insisting on their inalienable right to get trashed on white lightning and meths

I suspect they'll go for the free carrier bag, because shopping in Tescos will be more entertaining than watching #lowlyportsmouth play #p!sspoorfootball

Next: 'How to get turkeys to vote for Christmas'

Yes, but what we're failing to grasp here is this won't be any old smaller car park and a few licks of paint, it'll be the bestest small car park and the finest few licks of paint that ever was

Works for me - should download the disappointed skate's bitter complaint as a pdf