Lighthouse

I’d say more like swimming in the Ganges, personally.

I'm just picturing a world in which a ref gives a penalty, then gets called to the VAR screen, reviews the incident and says, "after review, there is absolutely no contact on the attacking player and he definitely dived, but it would be ridiculously harsh to take away the penalty, so I'll let them have it anyway." The thought of that happening at Anfield if Bruno Fernandes dived just tickled me, that's all.

If you get caught diving to win a penalty, do you get to then keep that penalty?

So why bother sending analysts to watch their training sessions? Why send matey and his camera all the way up to Teeside to do something we know is banned, if we can just watch a bunch of highlight videos and achieve the same thing? You can sarcastically call it a ‘heinous crime’ and say it’s no big deal all you like, that won’t make it true. We clearly stood to gain a significant sporting advantage, got caught and have forfeited that game as a consequence.

You’ve consistently demonstrated that you’re totally unable to accept the severity of the ‘crime’ and what we’ve done. You don’t spy on another team’s training sessions so you can steal 10 yards at a throw in. You do it to completely subvert their game plan, formation, set pieces and starting XI. You do it to win a game, not a penalty. If you win and get caught, you don’t get to then say, "ah well all the cheating we did didn’t really affect the outcome of the match." Formula 1 drivers get a five second penalty for speeding in the pit lane. In 2007 McLaren were disqualified from the entire championship for spying on Ferrari technical data. That’s how it is, you don’t get to keep your winnings and just pay a token fine.

Guys, if you do know any Boro fans, please don’t send them this video. It’s incredibly cringeworthy and they won’t like it.

Just a quick reminder that Hull only scraped into the playoffs on the final day because Wrexham couldn’t win their final game …. Against Boro.

I’m in the garden under the pergola… or gazebo, I’m not sure what the difference is. WiFi signal keeps dropping in and out, so I gave up, is the game any good?

Yep and Tonda has just cost every single player an absolute f**k tonne of it. How on earth are they going to be in any way ‘fine’ with that?

Knowing we were going to cheat is not entrapment. If we had an email inviting some of our back room staff up too Teeside for tea, biscuits and a guided tour of their facilities, where we were invited to watch them train and take photos if we liked, with everything else that subsequently happened, then we’d have an argument.

Makes you wonder why the best clubs in the world have £100m training facilities really. Why not just save the money, buy all the lads a PureGym membership and get them to turn up with their boots on a match day. You can try and tell them that as they celebrate promotion back to the PL if you like.

It’s going to be hard watching some p*ssed up Teesider get pepper sprayed for punching a police horse, knowing that should be me. Truth be told though, I don’t actually care who wins. Boro fans haven’t done or said anything ours wouldn’t have in the same situation and Gibson has done little other than fight his corner for his club, and it’s paid off.

To be perfectly honest, I immediately went to the, “yep, don’t give a sh*t,” phase as soon as I heard we’d been kicked out. After the 12 points, the 9-0s, the ridiculous signings, the defeats snatched from the jaws of victory and everything else, I just can’t even pretend to be upset. Saints are like your d*ck head ex. Who kept doing more and more dramatic things for diminishing returns of attention, to the point that you eventually just stop caring. Whats next Saints, the entire squad caught rabies from some bats, on a preseason tour of Asia? A meteorite flattened St Mary’s? Sure if you want.

Imagine coming into work one morning and your boss says, “you know that big promotion and pay rise you were hoping for next month, well I’m afraid we’ve had to call it off because I’ve been caught embezzling company funds and we lost one of our major contracts as a result. Still, never mind, we’re all in this together eh, I bet you can’t wait to get started on our next project.” On a scale of one to ‘you can f**k right off’, how likely are you to stick around that company and pull up trees to try and succeed?

Yeah they stuttered slightly when they lost the three wickets but it was still as comfortable as they could have hoped for. Manny will need patience. He looks a real prospect but those first three balls, well they don’t come much worse than that. What’s the latest on Turner’s injury, anyone?