Lighthouse

He’s in Josh Sims territory IMO. Really needs to start delivering next season.

Only 1 of our last 12 goals in all comps has been scored by a striker (Broja against West Ham).

Back up? He’s a League 1 standard player (and is only going to get worse) who we sometimes chuck on the pitch when we’re completely fresh out of ideas. He has no business in the Premier League, we need to get rid of his, Walcott and Armstrong’s combined wages and find someone who does.

The past wasn’t much to write home about.

That front four... gah. At least we've got the best faller over in the League (TM) leading the line.

For £4.5bn I’d buy Saints and Pompey, turn the former into title winners and make the latter play jumpers for goalposts at the local rec. I’d sell Fratton to build a nuclear waste reprocessing facility and use the proceeds to buy some Scalextric.

When you're typing something but thinking about something else and accidentally type what you were horse porn.

I reckon would should treat injuries like they do in the grand national. Bring out the green tarpaulin.

I never want to hear the phrase ‘only fans’ in a thread about Charlie Austin again for the rest of my life.

Oh yeah. Do we have to?

We basically had to replace Bertrand and Ings using only the money we received for them, i.e. £30m total. Two players for £15m each and a loan from Chelsea is about as good as we can expect. Sadly AA is just another Earnshaw, Rasiak, Mitrovic or Vydra. Too good for the Championship, not good enough for the Prem.

Aside from another badly disguised dig at Ralph, nobody is going to up sticks and move jobs to work with the mighty Brendan Rodgers. Clubs change managers like socks anyway, he might not be there is six months. Money I've already said as a given, IF they think he's worth that and are willing to fork out the transfer fee to match. 'More potential' is vague and meaningless. More potential to do what? Fight for 7th place with Villa, West Ham, Wolves or any other club who has an above average season.

They can most likely offer a player better wages but nothing else particularly significant. Players don’t care about season ticket waiting lists and potential catchment areas.

The real life person who made writing The Ali G Show ridiculously easy.

If he goes to Leicester, which he won't, it'll be because they offered him a massive wedge of cash and nothing more. You don't go to Leicester to win big competitions. Playing in the Europa League, which they have a slim chance of sneaking into through the back door, wont advance his England career.

All Premier League clubs play in a top level competition. I get the need to stick to a familiar and consistent nucleus of players but all that means is that the same ones will be picked regularly with less interest in form fluctuations. It doesn't mean anyone from a smaller club can't get selected if they're consistently performing well.

I think the big club bias with England is more that sh*t players at big clubs DO get picked, rather than good players and smaller clubs not getting picked, see Calum Chambers, Danny Welbeck and Tom Cleverly for examples.

That would require Bournemouth outscoring them by at least 2, possibly 4 or 6 goals in the other two games.

I don’t think it changes a lot TBH. Forest go above if they win, then they just have to match Bournemouth in the final game. If Swansea had won, the only difference would be if Bournemouth- Forest was a draw, the permutations of the final game would be slightly different.

Ancelotti telling Pep, "we’re not so different, you and I."

Starting to feel a tad xenophobic if I'm honest. I've already banned a Scotsman, a Kenyan, a New Zealander, a Thai and an Indian. What do the rest of you reckon, shall we see how this 'new' persona plays out?

Wonderful to see an African American achieving so highly.

Suffice to say that had that been Lovren, we’d have a three page thread of people crying with laughter on the main board.

Whenever I see Joel ward or Phil Jones play, I always wonder how they aren't about 36 years old.

Well, there were the photos of Lukashenko standing in front of a large battle map which said, "invasion of Moldova, this way," and explaining it to a room full of high ranking generals. Very subtle but the clues are there.