do i not like fizzy pop

Paddy bumps into his old mate Mick on the street, "Mick me old pal, I haven't seen you in ages, where have you been?" "I've been to college to better myself," Mick replied, "I've been studying logic." "Logic? says Paddy. "What's Logic?" "Well", says Mick, "It's a little complicated so I'll give you an example. You have a fish, right?" "I do" says Paddy, "I have a fish". "OK" says Mick, "so that means you probably have a pond?" "That's right!" Says Paddy, "I keep my fish in the pond." "Which means you probably have a garden?" says Mick "I do! I do have a garden where i keep my pond!" replies Paddy "So if you have a fish in a pond in the garden that means you probably own a house?" Continues Mick "I do!" says Paddy, "I have my own little house!" "And if if you own your own little house, that means you're probably married and have a no need to w@nk anymore as your wife sorts you out!" Continued Mick "Bejeezus!" exclaims Paddy, "You're dead right right! I've been married five years and not had to w@nk once!" "You see Paddy, that's Logic." They both go on their way and later that day Paddy bumps into Murphy at the local. Murphy asks "Have you seen anything of Mick recently?" Paddy replies "I have, i saw him just earlier this very day. He has been away at college learning logic" "Logic?" asks Murphy, "What's Logic?" "Well Mick explained it all to me." Paddy says proudly, "I'll explain it to you. Say you have a fish, right?" "Nope" says Murphy. "Then you're a w@nker" says Paddy.

Damn swear filter, that should read K U N T Z

Somewhere, in the US part of our company, there is a Randy ****z

A big worry is why the Red cable is connected to the Neutral - it is the 'older' cable colour for the live phase feed! Are your other lights wired in the same way? http://electrical.theiet.org/wiring-regulations/cable-colours/index.cfm

JBS, if you get no joy with Wickes try ringing a local Benchmarx Joinery. They are both part of he Travis Perkins Group and although Benchmarx is their trade only division for kitchens if you explain the issue they may be able to help (the Benchmarx range is identical to Wickes') As a supplier to contractors I would expect them to be able to source/keep spares for trade customers and when I used them in the past they were pretty helpful. Good luck!

Because I was known to have a way with the ladies, my mates all nicknamed me "Mr Lover Lover". Until one night I ****ged a Downs Syndrome girl up the @rse. Now I am "Mr Bum Spastic"

bow locks

F~ck me, how many times before that c'nt Allan gets a red?

Get in

Yes, yes. No doubt the incident will be included as a nomination for this years Darwin Awards. There are many incidents throughout history of normally rational people doing amazingly stupid things during periods of hysteria - whether instigated by politicians, media or even due to a radio play? This woman will have to live with the consequences of her actions and bare the physical scars to go with the emotional ones. I suppose her greatest regret will be that she wasn't blessed with being one of the peak evolutionary specimens that inhabit this board......

Yes, incredibly stupid. However i guess she would not have even considered doing it had a grade a pillock politicican started spouting off his nonsense. Used to live in Horsham, Maude's constituency, a what an @rse that man is. Strangely now live within half a mile of where this unfortunate woman lives. Was passed by the emrgency vehicles on my way home yesterday.

Thanks for that, just spent the last 10 minutes getting it down to 1.01. Sure I have better things to do...

Can't wait to go to work Monday at our office in Leeds ;-)

Working in Leeds and naturally share an office with a large number of Leeds fans. The thing sticking in their throat more than anything at the moment is that Bates gave them under two weeks to renew season tickets in January or face an £80 odd increase, then sold players, sacked Grayson and now with Warnock appointed - they ain't a happy bunch

Would you go for a leak in those facilities?

Can't see this anywhere Is this the key phrase? 'The Hong Kong-based businessman, who owned the club with Israeli Levi Kushnir through a company called Portpin, is still owed £17m. "I'm still in a good position," he added. "I still have a debenture over the club as security on the club's full assets, so one way or another I'm going to get my money back.'

As per my Prediction League forecast - 6-0 to Saints. Lambert 2, Guly hatrick, SDR 1. No better way to get over the last couple of weeks than by completely outclassing the few on their own turf.

If I was subjected to the bland, annodine questions from those two 'presenters' (especially Alex Jones) that Clarkson was, I would probably want to be shot myself.

Done, using the same method for picking horses - a pin

Already exists i'm afraid. Some of the supermarkets have it on their dispensers - Tesco at Horsham for example. You can choose max price £ or by max litre dispensed. Takes an absolute age to fill the last £1 worth tho.

I really think that in the next 12-24 months will be crucial to whether the PL survives in it's current form. The amount of debt - leveraged or otherwise - is going to break someone sooner rather than later, one of the sugar daddy's are bound to get bored of their new toy and jump and players continue to fail to connect with the every day fans. And if the landlady down the M27 wins her case against Sky the PL's marketability drops significantly.

BBC report Liverpool could enter admin as early as the 15th October resulting in a 9 point penalty? http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/l/liverpool/9074311.stm If this happens will they be able to argue the 'Holding' Co issue as tried by Rupert? And would it succeed? Do they even own a radio station or retirement properties to try and argue the case?

Almost speechless. Condolences to all his family and friends. RIP Markus Liebherr. And thank you.

About ten years ago there used to be an air traffic controller at West Drayton whose manner across the airwaves was identical to the "Suits You, Sir" characters from the Fast Show. It always seemed to cause alot of amusement on the flight deck of returning flights i had been on.

Kieth, sorry but have to pull you up on this My wife left BA just before xmas after 10 years as Cabin Crew - 5 years LGW Eurofleet 5 years LHR Worldwide - (not purser, not CSD just 'junior' crew) and i can assure you, full time, with a good mix of trips she never got any where near £35k per year. And this is similar for the MAJORITY of ordinary crew - certainly those on post 1997 contracts - regardless of what is printed in the media. However this dispute has very little to do with money - BASSA had put forward proposals to deliver savings within the crew community to match those wanted by BA last year but were flatly rejected by BA management. This is about imposition of working practices. BA management want to rid themselves of the unions any way they can