DT

I have no German stereotypes to offer you but have been reliably informed that there is a huge towel draped over the stadium. They looked at our new kit and thought we were the 'pool... Boom tish etc

God, yes please. He'd be an excellent signing. Quite keen for a bit of keeper news though, and maybe CB

Missed opportunity. Would have liked to have seen him back at our place. Brighton? Odd one

UB40. Red, red, whine...

Steer clear of all Jermaines

Don't like the kit one bit but would still be able to *not* buy it in regular outlets, not just Saints shops. So parochial.

Pinstripes, just as the world hates bankers even more than usual. Brilliant.

Have no problem with a shirt that will be remembered. Just wish it wasn't for being incredibly bland, and like a Tyro league club.

Look like pyjamas

Truly woeful. They should get some designers.

Hope this doesn't mean Phillips is coming back (screwdriver joke) (rare species)

I'd rather have Courage Best

He is a truly appalling presenter. And fat.

That's how much a chap on Radio 4 said the Premier League clubs will get as a result of the £3bn deal signed for TV etc rights by Sky and BT yesterday, a 73 per cent rise on the figure agreed last time. Wow. Thank god for promotion, because the rest of the leagues get nowt. What shall we spend it on? Subsidising tickets? New keeper? Better beer?

Too predictable. Hope chain doesn't lead to Adkins to Everton though. I have a sneaky feeling that Spurs will go for Gus Poyet

We definitely need a new keeper. But he's not value at that price for the simple fact that it would create major ripples/mean we would have to raise salaries across the board.

yes please

Second favourites to go down though, behind Reading (Blue Square punters must have seen how we have done nothing about the defence yet). Porsche might have to wait.

Lesley King released. Robs to Reading. Would be good for a season

J Rod sounds like something a plumber should use

Or Jonathan Ross

Hope it's not Jim Rosenthal

Perhaps he hasn't been told yet

That's what's known as a booty call

One would hope so, but it might equally be one of - sharp intake of breath - Sven or someone's first signings? Really hope it has Adkins' fingerprints on it.