DT

Can see Alcarez getting sent off if he’s not careful

Diallo’s first touch is shocking at

Sky commentators very biased. At least we’re still in this tie.

We'll probably end up with Bamber Gascoigne

Bamba Dieng. We're showing interest apparently. Sigh. one goal this season. Everton also interested. All a bad dream, surely.

Algorithms don't win football matches

'I'm so pleased to be back and can't wait to get started' - Steve Moran

I see us as a bit more like eBayers who get gazumped at the last possible moment, and then are presented with 'sorry you missed out on that item, you may be interested in...' with pics of a bunch of League One losers, whose auction ends in 6 days.

Talk of Hassenhutl to Everton. Now that would be funny.

If he can pick them up

Me winning the lottery is also not impossible, but sure. If only we could!

We have 15 points from 20 games. Not sure how people think we can get even 21 from the remainder with this bunch unable to keep them out or score at the other end.

relegation clause?

This was my suspicion too, that we are resigned now to the drop, and therefore any big outlay on a striker is pointless. If so it is massively disappointing, and the management are pretty inept not to have realised the needs early on, and then compounded it by snuggling up to their stupid bloody algorithm countless times, and appointing a wurzel of a manager when we needed real, proper experience.

I'd play any formation/tactic whatsoever as long as it kept us up. If we go down we're gone for years

I would be very jealous of that because that is precisely what our stupid board should have done.

Lampard gone. Watch them get the new manager bounce.

Swear he calls him 'sausage' in that first clip

It's the wet fannies route

Thanks for your concern. The bars in London are a bit better than your local Portsmouth ones

What is Alpine Saint?

Ok. Sorry. I have bad case of anxiety about us going down this season.

It’s me being a bit drunk and annoyed we haven’t signed Messi. Again.

Are they young? Yes? Let's buy them. But they're shit, boss. It doesn't matter. They're young. Let's buy them. We might be able to sell them for more if they get better. But we need to score goals to stay in the division, boss. Don't be silly. We're unbeaten, these last three games. We'll be fine. Just buy that bloke. He's young. Ok boss.