USaintA

Gavin Buzunu: Grape Crusher at a winery (good with his feet). Flynn Downes: Professional Crab Imitator (you know, because.... sideways). Damion Downs: Historical Battle Re-Enactment Specialist (because shooting accurately doesn't matter). Etc

True, plus we're their feeder club anyway and they'd never allow it.

Göztepe, I'm sorry. Please excuse me.

How are Goose Step doing in the Turkish league? If they're doing any good let's just do a Chelsea and take their manager. A quick search reveals they're in 4th... Welcome, Stanimir Stoilov!

Good clean sheet for Bazunu today. Always rated him. Great keeper.

Well that escalated quickly! Which is more than can be said for Saints' play.

I can feel it in me bones. A 4-2 comeback win.... If it happens, I'll give you the money meself as Les Dennis would say.

Good luck, Bazunu. Thanks for all the save. And to Stoke, our manager's brilliant too. We'd be more than willing to discuss a swap deal with you for yours.

Stoke, if you're reading this, forget the loan. Sign this geezer up on a permanent deal immediately. You won't regret it. He makes Peter Shilton look like Rita Stilton, and Gordon Banks look like Shabba Ranks. Trust us, Stoke. For God's sake trust us!

I don't know about anyone else, but I am starting to get the feeling that appointing this geezer might not've been such a good idea.

Great job, lads. Wiped the floor with them.

Is Jesus available? Even he couldn't save us from this.

There's this tall Nigerian geezer currently playing in the top Turkish league. Name escapes me. Think he's scored something like 11 goals in 16 games. Might be worth a shout.

Interesting to note that the head of Hamburg's scouting department is named Sefan "Stevie" Wunder.

Known as, "Jennifer" in the dressing room, apparently.