SO5 4BW

Two skates on a night out. At the end of the evening they find they've missed the last bus and there's no taxis. They're walking past the bus depot and they decide to steal a bus. One keeps watch while the other one jumps over the depot wall. The one outside waits. And waits. And waits some more. Eventually the second one turns up, at the wheel of a double decker. 'What kept you so long? I was getting worried' says the first 'Sorry it took a while' says the second, 'but the Leigh Park one was at the back'...

Adrian b*stard shortar*e Heath always seemed to well against us - and scored the most important goal we've ever conceded

Sorry Weston - White doesn't want to see Cork or Pothas? Will be very sad to see Pothas going - had to happen though. He's one of our all time greats and his batting balances the team - or has over the last decade. We'll need to sign a replacement as, brilliant as Bates's keeping may be, his batting isn't up to it - so far anyway. With him in the side we've had to play a sixth batsman, leaving us short on bowlers. Hopefully we can bounce back quickly - but it won't be easy - I thought that about Saints in 2005!

Ah - true. First part done - Warks all out for 493

Hmmm - Worcs don't make 300, so don't get their third batting point. Lost their last 5 wickets for 5 runs! So all that has to happen is for us to take the last few Warks wickets, score 400 in 110 overs, win the game - oh - and Worcs have to actually lose to Durham. Then we're on level points and stay up on most wins! Easy

I think it'll be mathematically certain when Worcs get 300 - they needed eight points to be beyond our reach (17 ahead before this game, plus 8 to get 25 - one more than we could have got). They got three bonus points and we dropped two, so that's five already. Three batting points and we're down If we are relegated I'd hope that it's by more than a margin of 8 points, so that stupid points deduction won't have been crucial. Hopefully we can regroup and bounce back in one season

I didn't say it only affects English players - I'm sure there's German, Dutch, Portuguese etc etc players who are just as knobbish as the players I was talking about. And it's not all 'rich English footballers' either, just most of the ones who've been prominent in the England team over the last few years. Most prominent players seem allright actually - most of the Man Utd youth team lot - Scholes, the Nevilles - and Joe Cole, Lampard seems ok. How do you judge anybody that you haven't met? - ie about 99.9999% of the world. Well, if they're in the public eye you make informed critical appraisals of their character etc - and yes, I know that the tabloids tell lies about people, but unless we've all been subject to some kind of 'Truman show' hoax, then there's ample evidence that people like Terry, Cole and Rooney are what I said they were. Witness Terry and Rooney badge-kissing one minute, threatening to join the local rivals to squeeze more money out of their clubs the next, or Cole in his autobiography ' nearly swerving off the road' when his agent tells him Arsenal are only going to offer him 'only' £55k per week. Or Rooney's charming moan to camera last summer, slagging off the England fans for daring to criticize the teams performance. As for 'slack-jawed' - watch a video of Terry and Upson in last years WC, wondering where the next German was coming from. Not an ounce of basic intelligence among them. I'm not being snobbish about this - players like Ball and Channon were from poor backgrounds - but they were smart. The modern lot are thick ****s as well

You're right. I hate Ronaldo, Tevez etc. I'd probably hate some of the Germans if I knew more about them. It's just that the England players are er, closer to home! Incidentally though - do we think that SFC bring up their young players better than other clubs? Shearer, Le Tiss, Walcott, Bale etc all seem decent enough chaps and have largely avoided the arrogant to55erishness of the Cole, Terry, Rooneys etc. Only kn0b I can think of was Dennis Wise - and we got rid of him quickly

I don't hate the England team as such, like Alpine I support them in the cricket, but I too would love to see Bale do really well tonight. Why? Because for quite a few years most of the regulars in the England team have been people it'd be really hard to feel any affinity for at all. Spoilt greedy slack-jawed to55ers, who got their ultimate comeupppance in South Africa, watching the Germans run rings round them In fairness things may be changing as the younger players come in. Once the rest of the 'Golden Generation' ar5eholes are out of the equation maybe I'll feel differently. Until then I'd love to see someone like Bale - brought up well, by SFC, do well. I hate Tottenham - but I loved seeing him skin Inter last season

Maybe true - but he was a Derby player then. For most of the time he was with us he was the best keeper in the world. Funnily enough he never had a good reputation for saving pens. What England should have done once that 1990 semi-final went to penalties was to bring on the sub keeper - Dave Beasant - who had a much better record

There can't be many clubs who've had so many quality keepers over the years. I struggle to remember a really bad one. Katalinic was a disappointment for some of the time he was here, particularly as the rest of that team was brilliant. Shilton was head and shoulders the best though - and I'm not sure he was that far past his best when he was with us either. I could have played centre-half in front of him - as he told you what to do! Niemi the next best. Flowers got an England cap while with us and was quality for a couple of seasons. Others - Beasant, Grobellaar, Paul Jones, Terry Gennoe for a while. Burridge was the most entertaining - I can still see him charging from his goal to poleaxe Nigel Clough on a bog of a Dell pitch, waving at the ref to acknowledge the booking and organising the wall! That would have been a three-game ban easily nowadays. Eric Martin was the most underrated. Davis deserves to be in the discussion - he's been a rock for us during some of the worst times the club has had

Thanks Weston - appreciate your ITK insight into the club. Here's hoping for a miracle couple of days!

Phil Boersma - ex Liverpool I think

Would they have been worse than those Dutch fools though? All of this makes you very glad for Marcus & NC

Marvellous - another weekend with a Saints win and a Hants one! Would have bet my house that Woakes would have been the man not out though - he does seem to thrive against us! Well done boys

I would be second to nobody in my admiration for Sir Nick - I think along with MLT he must be my favourite ever Saint - but he wasn't a great skipper - he was too quiet on the pitch for that. IIRC he was only club captain for a while anyway, when it was distinct from team captain, on the pitch, who was Kevin Keegan. Bally & Jimmy Case for me. Williams wasn't bad either

Two captains that stood out - for the same reason, because they seen it all and done it all - Alan Ball & Jimmy Case. Both played in teams with a lot of young players around them. You could see Steve Williams thinking 'I used to have this bloke's picture on my wall, he's won the world cup, and now I'm playing in the same team!' Couldn't help but give a major confidence boost, as well as all the know-how he passed on. Case had the same effect on the Shearer/Le Tiss/Ruddock/Wallace generation. It helped that, as well as having won three European cups, he was hard as nails as well!

Neither has anybody else - and that's the problem. In the post-Gilchrist era stumpers must be worth their place with the bat. Sad but true. Bates is a brilliant young wicket keeper - as seen yesterday standing up to Briggs - but for the team to be balanced we can't afford a passenger with the bat. The man that Bates or Foster will be replacing was just about the best wicket-keeper batsman in county cricket over the last ten years

Thanks for all replies - looks like Litten or bowling alley then. Neither of those around when I was a lad in Eastleigh! - If only - some are not interested in football (!) - and of the ones that are... - I won't be seeing you there tomorrow then. Was going to buy you a pint too

Not that it really matters but Cork has just declared after Carberry got his 300 - might as well have let him go to 317 to break the all-time top score record for Hants. No chance of a result anyway...

..would rather have a low-scoring win though!

500 partnership - only the 11th time in all first class cricket; second highest ever for the 3rd wicket - but the highest is 624 for Sri Lanka in a test a few years back

Fabulous batting effort - and especially pleased for Carberry after his recent troubles - but if you were going to a game what sort of pitch would you rather have - that vs Notts or vs Yorks?

I'm out with a group of friends in Eastleigh tomorrow evening. Owing to the change of time from 3pm to 5.30 I can't make the game - anybody know a pub that will have it on Sky?

Best performance was the 4-0 vs the North London Yobbos at the start of the 2003 cup run. Live on the beeb - people coming up to me at work the next day saying how well we'd played.