saintbletch

She's tall for 6 or 7 or whatever.

Which one is the niece?

Mods, please delete this. I am the only one allowed to look clever on here.

The dentist removed the plaque, polished it and put it back on the wall.

He was asked to think of a number, so he replied "A number what?".

He didn't like going into the polish shop in St. Mary's, but he had run out of Mr. Sheen.

The fisherman, pleased with his efforts took hold of the bass, and played it like Mark King from Level 42.

Sorry to spoil your rapture Toke, but that perineal picture was not taken last night. I spy with my little tineye, that the image was found on a site that is defintely not suitable for work, and has caused me to push my porridge to one side, on the 29th March last year. I don't dispute that it IS Guided Missile's nether parts, just that he must have uploaded it to the special interest site in question during a similar night alone on a business trip last year. We've all been there; alone in a hotel overseas, slightly the worse off for a few beers, free WiFi in the room, nothing on the TV, climate change means that it's raining outside, so nothing to do but to upload a picture of an arse. #dontjudge EDIT: Do NOT feel tempted to copy that image URL into the TinEye reverse image search utility. And if you do, do NOT follow the link to the source image. You have been warned.

Oh, OK. I tell you what though, the Global Warming Really is Happening thread in The Lounge is getting a bit fruity. There are some posts in there that certainly aren't about climate change, and you get the feeling that Guided Missile might use the long arm of the law to put The Man's metaphorical TSW-server-ballocks in a vice until they are deleted. Now is the time to take a copy and send it to Wikileaks, before The Man is forced to act. Oh and BTT and Guided Missile are minutes away from having a proper old fashioned tear-up - via PM. I have to say, Guided Missile does have a talent for insults... Clapham Saint is a waste of sperm. No matter your affiliation, you've got to respect that level of disrespect. And everyone seems to know Guided Missile's age.

All this fun, and we haven't even touched heteronyms yet! The young lad put on his crash helmet and moped because his moped was broken. Oh, what fun.

Yes. No, but I am out of the living room and it's not on itv.com. How so Toke? I'll admit my Spanish isn't up to scratch, but if you pronounce the X as a CH and the V as a V, then I think you'll find it sounds like bare-zgay. Either that or Chavvy. Is he? God Ernie, you're hard work since Morecambe left for the bright lights of The Lounge.

Bein Sports 11HD, I'm sure that's Martin Tyler.

Toke, this IS TMS you know. I think you're being a bit literal with all this "Does that one even make sense Bletch?". Lighten up Toke, you are such a Lounger these days. But to answer your question, I am taking a bit of a liberty with the Spanish language, but I'm pronouncing the Spanish maestro's name exactly the same way as Martin Tyler who is commentating on 'City v Barca. And he pronounces it... Bare-zgay.

Xavi. Is he?

Ha, ha. You've still got it Ronnie!

**** story. **** off back to the lounge. You're not wanted here. This is now the People's Republic of Word Bores. You also missed the opportunity for a clever parallel sentence using vagrant and vacant. Unforgiveable.

Well it would be churlish to say that he didn't improve it, because he did - immeasurably. I certainly can't measure just how much the post improved between revisions BTT. But improve, it did. I mean the initial draft was hilarious enough, but the final copy is just the work of a master craftsman. If I'm honest BTT, I'm just flattered that Toke's putting in the hours. Since The Bear has left his acoustic behind to go touring The Lounge with that jazzy-pickuped electric number strapped to his back, Toke's been a little down. Somedays I feel like I'm Mrs Ronnie Corbett, having to console and cajole a grumpy Ronnie C who is under my feet, grumpily moping around the house because Ronnie Barker has just got the contract to record "Porridge", while all our poor Ronnie C has been offered is another series of "Sorry", and he only got that because people remember that he was funny with Ronnie Barker. So, I'm Mrs Ronnie Corbett, Toke is Ronnie Corbett, The Bear is Ronnie Barker, The Muppet Show is Sorry, The Lounge is Porridge, The Main Bored is Open All Hours, Spudders is Nurse Gladys Emmanuel, and I guess that makes you Phyllis Lumsden (yes I Google'd that). Do you know what I mean? Good. Could you explain it to me then. "I was that pished, I watched the 4 Ronnies!"

P.S. Did you really edit that post? And you spent 3 minutes, that's one hundred and eighty seconds spicing it up! Just how pointless must it have been pre-edit? Your ever-caring father, Bletch. x

Thanks Toke. As you know, I am constantly seeking your approval for everything I do. So knowing that you're right behind me in the endeavour to make TMS more interesting now that The Bear has 'gone commercial' and sold out to the rarified, swear-filtered climes of the main bored, makes it somehow all worthwhile Your ever-loving father. Bletch. P.S. Whale. Oil. Beef. Hooked.

Neil Tennant. OK, but for the record you're not my landlord.

Fixed it for you, 3B.

I have just seen that. The question remains...If a tree falls on MLG in the woods and nobody is around to see it, does anyone give a ****? He is right, though.

Toke, was that your Thomas Hitzlsperger moment? Is this you trying to tell us all something? Because you should know that nobody in TMS will judge you for admitting to those contradictory, squirly, perineum-centered feelings that you get when you and your dogs 'accidentally' disturb a couple of rutting 'bears' on the common on Sundays. FYI you shouldn't eat meat on the sabbath - or roll on the shabbos. Probably.

I'm not usually given to using emoticons, but that deserves a .

Yes*. *I am not quite sure that I know what you are going on about. Are you asking whether he did dee as he had claimed, or have you finally cracked Toke?