Saint in Paradise

Ponty, please change the title then, I am unable to do so

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.' The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician , 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. 'There's no charge,' she says. 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says. 'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.' 'So I just switched the heads.'

Get the thermostat checked Jill, it might only be that simple a fault. One of our fridges is now 17 years old and we recently had that problem, much cheaper than a new fridge.

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. 'Actually, no,' he replied. 'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. 'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?' 'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. 'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say. 'Tell him,' she whispered,........ 'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.

Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the innkeeper, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm Joe, he's Jim, we'll have two Molson Canadian beers, draft please' The innkeeper, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, boys?' 'Off to England next month,' says Joe. 'We go to England every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?' Jim agrees. 'Ah, England, 'says the innkeeper.' Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture...' 'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says Joe. 'Hamburgers & Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're arrogant and rude.' 'So why keep going to England?' asks the innkeeper. Joe replies, 'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.'

Derby 2 Saints 1 but how I hope I am 100% wrong

Be careful because AVG anti-virus is not updating, an error comes up saying that a .bin file is missing. They are aware and are working on it.

Liked this quote, he really tried with that shame it didn't work though 'Sorry love, I've been meaning to tell you for years but I am a closet transvestite and they are mine'.

Govts do NOT want people knowing what they know about things like that,I bet they have found it again but will not admit it I fully expect NASA and the SETI crowd to try and say the Durban people are mistaken and say they picked up some random noise.

Read and write but not spell :D:D

http://aliencasebook.blogspot.com/2008/08/first-radio-signal-detected-from-beyond.html

I just hope that he doesn't talk to his friends and then go to the police as these days it seems you might be the one to get into legal problems. Would that be the case would it affect your publican licence ? Mind you as I understand you are about 6'4" I think that shows he is a bit mentally retarded so that should help you

Didn't he have an affair with that lady tennis player ? I think her name is Sue Barker so he can't be a virgin anyway

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!' 'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!' 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!' So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. 'Do you always run in the nude?' one asked. 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!' Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?' 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!' Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?' 'Nope...just when it's raining.'

thesaint sfc now go back to the police and say he is demanding money with menaces and say you only agreed to pay some money to get him away as you were concerned for your safety.

Shouldn't perhaps if the poster is married ? Unless he wants a divorce of course

This article is very interesting and I might well pester my local library to obtain a copy of that book. On 11th August the Hubble telescope will make its 100,000 orbit of Earth http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/05/science/space/05books.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin Link to official Hubble website http://hubblesite.org/ .

I am confused now, if you have never eaten there how can you say its rubbish :confused:

I think the original poster posted this so that it would be a test of the new sites ability to handle a great deal of traffic as this will now probably run into about 25 pages

Why not invest in a refuse disposal machine that a plumber installs in a seperate sink ? You then put all disposable food waste in and it mashes it up and sends it on its way down the drains. A cheaper method ( for Pompey fans only ) just flush the stuff down the toilet .

When you edit a post you can say why you have done so, your reason used to appear once but now it appears twice in the same line. I wonder if this is for us simple folk in case we didn't understand the reason given at the first time of reading

Wife won't let him have a Credit Card I suspect

If only Tiggs, if only :D Actually I enjoy reading most of your posts :D

Well at least the clock is correct now Mind you the date is in American format in the Subscription reminder part Hey just noticed I have lost about 700 or so in my post count, thought I would have the dishonour of being first to moan :-)

Hi all, just wondering how many more Saints fans live here in New Zealand