The9

With additional "YOU'RE F'CKED" bits in the gaps.

Pleased to say this filtered down to row S by the end of Saturday's match - though I think there's still some confusing about how many Tadanari Lees go before and after the other bits. I've also heard the, footyspeak, "come in on a free" sung.

Best use of that overused Keep Calm meme I've seen for some time. At some point some of the Northam Banging Mongs will work out that we're all happy to sing it quickly AFTER we've done two full renditions first. Someone was doing it at West Ham as well, utterly ruining any attempt at atmosphere with their, ahem, off-beat shenanigans.

It's most cathartic, and I enjoyed it greatly. The whole point is that we're reclaiming it after that horrible defeat at Fratton, and if we get the chance to relegate them in return (not that they did to us of course), then all the better. Plenty of additional words have been suggested, but now it's taken off there's as much chance of getting to sing them as there is of getting "when he runs, his ears go flap" added back to the Rory Delap song.

Must plug this a bit louder : IT'S A COUNTER OF POMPEY'S DEBT TO HMRC I just created. It increments at 33p a second and currently stands at around £2.28m, based on them doing nothing to reduce their wage bill. Also, while I think of it, reclaiming Amarillo on Saturday (and in December at Fratton) was most cathartic and definitely very necessary. THAT has been bugging me, not the score. Just the memory of the song, and the performance.

Frankly, how would you know ?

I'm expecting the tickcounter website to crash at some point today, it's on the main board, here and my FB, and most of my friends are Saints fans, many of whom work with Skates.

For the LOLz, and thanks to the "Obsessed with Pompey" thread on the Main Board sparking an idea, here's the "Pompey Debt to HMRC" counter. http://www.tickcounter.com/2285714.0,33.1/1329744645/Pompey%2527s%2520Debt%2520to%2520HMRC%2520%2528%25C2%25A3s%2529 For the stattos amongst you, it's based on £800,000 a month, with a month consisting of 28 days, thereby incrementing at 33p a second from a start point of £2.4m which will be how much they owe assuming they don't pay PAYE or NI on this month's wages. I've knocked off about 4 days' worth because it's not the end of the month yet, but it's more or less accurate based on their wage bill remaining unchanged.

Ahe-heh-hem : http://www.tickcounter.com/2285714.0,33.1/1329744645/Pompey%2527s%2520Debt%2520to%2520HMRC%2520%2528%25C2%25A3s%2529 I shall shortly be introducing this to the Lounge thread.

Even if he did, he played for Man City's first team in the Premier League in 2007 and signed for Chelsea in 2009 ! That would be like Arsenal claiming Oxlade-Chamberlain as one of theirs, or us making out we developed Jack Stephens when he'd already played in 5 League One games for Plymouth when we signed him.

Sometimes you come up with good ideas and think you're being sarcastic. Inflatable food would be better though, esp. all those people with Harry the Haddocks sitting around in their garage.

If JustMike has the Liebherr flag back, we could turn it over, paint "CHEATS ---->" in white letters on the back and put it in the Northam, it would look pretty funny on the telly. Other than that, I shall only be spending the time considering songs that will be amusing when we go 8 goals ahead against their reserve/youth team.

Can someone stick together a swift analysis of the difficulty of remaining fixtures for the top clubs down to Hull please ? Ta. I'm pretty sure our run in is one of the easier-looking ones now we've got Brum and W Ham (A) and Cardiff (H) out of the way. Yeah we've got Leeds, M'bro, Palace and Hull away, and Reading at home, but we have got 14 matches left and they're the toughest looking ones. West Ham's next month looks pretty horrible.

...the one who had a thread about whether he was unfit on the weekend ? That one...?

So, one thread covering their embarrassment on the entire board. Less than 20% of all songs about them, and a bunch of rise-taking the week they get a points deduction ? Hardly obsession is it ? There's no-one sitting outside their ground with a "Money Owed To HMRC" clock phoning SkySportsNews every 10 minutes with an update. Though now I've mentioned it, it IS a good idea...

Hooray, undefeated against Watford in 2011/12.

Little aside to this, the last player Chelsea saw break into the first team regularly from their Academy was John Terry, and he doesn't look like THIS any more :

I'll mention, AGAIN, as I do every time this thread comes around that when I recorded a load of Saints songs on my phone at two matches in Oct 2010 (for use in FIFA 11), we sang around 60 songs, with less than 20% of them being about the Skate Cheats - yesterday was the first home game after their ten point deduction, so a bit of gloating was to be expected, but even so, it's nothing like as prevalent as people would like to believe. The songs themselves are listed on a FIFA11 thread in the Computer Games forum, should anyone want to check. Some have moved on with the players, but they've been replaced by others. We've added about 3 new songs about Portsmouth since then I can think of : "Who the f'ck is laughing now?" which debuted at Fratton and was first heard at home only on Saturday "We're coming for you" which became "we're laughing at you" on Saturday and "Cortese", arguably. I think there's one other new song, but can't recall it right now. You saying it's at least every other song is unlikely to be accurate, especially as Tadanari Lee and Billy Sharp alone have necessitated 3 new songs between them in the last 3 weeks. "It's only been the last 5 years" is just plain wrong.

What, so his tendon is stronger than his bone ? Christ. Erm, on the bright side, bones are easier to fix than tendons.

Basically what I said [in about 1000 words], but I have more faith in Richardson and Jack Stephens and don't think our cover for Lallana is up to much.

Judging by the swathe of contract renewals last season, and the subsequent lack of use of some of those players, there's the distinct possibility that we'll have automatic promotion renewal clauses in some contracts. But that doesn't mean we'd have to name them in the 25. Assuming Prem... etc.

I've been saying since September that we needed to add 3/4 in January then another 4 in the summer - but who we can actually get in will entirely depend on which League we're in - players who will baulk at signing for an unlucky Championship side with ambition and maybe a few quid to fund a renewed promotion push, won't have any problem signing for a potentially struggling Prem team. In addition to that, there will be players jumping ship from relegated sides who are useful acquisitions, but we don't know who's going down yet either. So specific names are too early to say, but I think we'd need strengthening in the following positions to have a Prem side : GK (1) - Kelv's one shot up there so far was disastrous with Sunderland and Bart's shakiness doesn't offer much at that level. We have to bring in a top flight keeper to compete. RB - I think we're ok here with Richardson, Butterfield has a new deal and played at the top before as well, and Jack Stephens has impressed whenever I've seen him and could be able to step up. CB - (1-2) Who knows if Seabourne will be back or up to the task, and Jaidi is unlikely to feature even if retained. We need at least one, maybe two in to give options other than Fonte, Hooiveld and Martin. There's not a lot of pace in there. LB - (0-1?) someone to challenge Fox who has top flight experience - unless Shaw (or Harding!) steps up ? RM - Chaplow, Puncheon, Guly, Lee, De Ridder - plenty of depth, some top flight experience - we'd have to sign someone pretty special to improve on that. CM - (1-2) Cork, Schneiderlin, Hammond... some cover from Puncheon and Chaplow there but with the rigours of the modern game and the suspensions you can get we need at least one addition with top-half Prem experience, maybe someone like Guthrie but who would slot in as a starter. Only Cork has the level of experience at the moment and it remains to be seen if Morgan IS the top-flight player we thought he could be when we were -10 in League One. It would be a remarkable achievement if he was able to up his game further, moreso for Hammond. Ward-Prowse is a little way away at the moment. LM - (0-1?) Lallana, then what ? A tricky one - I can't see Reeves being quite there but again, we'd have to sign one heck of a player to slot in ahead of Ads - which is not to say we shouldn't try ! Various positions and utility players fit in as cover, though Holmes will be on his way so expect one signing who maybe can fit in here but doesn't necessarily start there - maybe a left-sided CM or a left winger - unless Lee is already that player. Strikers - (1-2) Both Sharp and Lambert are untried, but so was Grant Holt... Lee is unproven though has potential, and we've not seen anything from Doble or Forte to think they'll still be around, same goes for Barnard really - not fast enough or skilful enough to make an impact, unlike the other two. Connolly might be worth keeping on for his top flight experience, but even back in 2005 Prem squads had 4 strikers who could come in and do a job at any point, so with Guly potentially in use in midfield, we'd need to sign at least one top-flight striker and maybe two. Simplest way of summarising that would be 1 GK 1 CB 1 CM 1 LW 1 AT Our 25 (trying to consider home-grown/youth players in italics but not sure at the mo) would then be : GK : GK, Davis, Bart, Dovey? RB : Richardson, Butterfield, Stephens CB : CB, Hooiveld, Fonte, Martin LB : Fox, Harding, Shaw RM : Guly, Chaplow, Puncheon, De Ridder CM : CM, Cork, Schneiderlin, Hammond, Ward-Prowse LM : Lallana, LW, Reeves ST : ST, Lambert, Sharp, Lee, Connolly/Barnard. It also appears my "4" in the summer is now a "5", I'll put that down to Bart's wobble. But that's for the squad, not the team, we don't have to get rid of anyone regularly starting at the moment and we don't haev to chuck them all in at the same time either.

We have some utter tvvats among our away following, many of whom I am embarrassed to be associated with. This happens on a fairly regular basis, and on pretty much every train ride to a match I've been on some bellend goes OTT, either being overly aggressive in a public place when there are loads of the general public trying to mind their own business, or generally just acting like mouthy yobs far away from any football-related environment in which it might be tolerated.

I am also amused. However I suspect that wasn't what it actually said...

That sounds about right - look at Richardson's lethargic performances last season after his pre-season injury compared to him this season when he had a full pre-season behind him, it's been the difference between him chipping 40 yarders generally at Lambert because he was knackered and bombing up and down past defenders and whipping crosses in. A "Saints-fit" Sharp will be ripping defences apart with his movement, he causes plenty of problems now just by being a second finisher up with Rickie. Also, he's got a very stocky build, he'll look "fat" even when he's at about 5% body fat.